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Howdy ya'll~!
a year ago
If you're reading this then you're reading this.
Tuft here, thought I should probably write a journal here on FA to help people understand why I've not been able to reply to comments, dms and messages as much and why all my uploads have been so infrequent and whatnot.
Tl;dr, life has not been too nice to me and I'mma try to keep things brief:
- Hadn't seen my family in a year after my mother (who has NOT been the most pleasant person to be raised by, my scars should be good examples of why) opened my mail to read my bank statements and accuse me of stealing money from them to buy my inflatables (inflatables she only found out I had because she'd been reading all my mail whilst I was away at university behind my back. This wasn't the case as I was using the money I made from comms on them but that didn't stop her from destroying the toys I had at home and threatening me if I even 'stole' money from them again.
- VentOuttaShape was put on permanent hiatus due to my last year at University becoming intensely stressful due to high demands from my tutors and the incredibly high workload along with having to balance my then committed relationship at the time, health issues and the recent death of my grandmother. My Tutors complete lack of empathy to my situation did not help
- Seeing my situation getting worse and worse, I split up with my at-the-time girlfriend as I knew she was going places and didn't want to drag her down due to all of my problems. But in doing so this also left me effectively alone trying to deal with all my issues.
- I gave up University not long after, a month before finals as I just couldn't handle the stress anymore which has left me without a diploma and tens of thousands of pounds in debt. It was during this time I started distancing myself further and further from the community as I just didn't want people to see the mess I had become trying to manage all of this.
- My family contacted me before my birthday inviting me home, I imagined this was done in order to apologise to me. I was wrong. I travelled back home where my mother solemnly lead me to the backyard and with a hammer in her hand, proceeded to angrily tear down the family shed in front of me. She then pointed the hammer at me and threatened me, claiming she'd do the same thing to my head because I'd given up on university.
- I left, of course, and spent the next remaining months leading up to the summer at my university home. I am no longer in contact with anybody I'd known during those 3 years of university.
- Thankfully a friend of mine in this community invited me to stay with them for a few weeks so I could figure out what the hell I could do with my life.
- During that time my family got in contact with me again, asking me to come help them in the scottish countryside as my grandfather needed help moving stuff out of their cottage as he didn't want to live alone after my grandmothers death. Of course I decided I would help them and that was my next big mistake.
- After another terrible falling out with the family I demanded to be taken back to the train station, the closest of which was 30 miles from us due to my grandparent's cottage being so far out in the midlands. At night my mother drove me out and, not realising where we were due to how dark it was, she left me in the dead of night in the middle of a national park completely on my own.
- I spent the next 2 days finding my way to the nearest train station. I took a train back to the family home knowing they'd still be at the cottage, grabbed any of my remaining belongings I could, and had an unfortunate encounter with my less than friendly brother who came home early in order to pass on an ultimatum that should they ever find out I'm in that city again they'd immediately destroy the rest of everything I own.
- I took the next train back to stay with my friend in Scotland, and they agreed to let me stay with them for the forseeable future.
- I found myself a new job as fast as I could and tried to get accustomed to my new life here in Scotland, with all my debt, lack of friends and family and health problems in tow.
- I've been working my job for a few months now, working whatever overtime I could due to it only paying minimum wage. Managing social media, finding the time let alone motivation to draw, responding to messages, it's all become super difficult as trying to maintain my positive attitude and smile around people has become so tiring. I don't want everyone to see how much I'm struggling or how much it's impacted me.
- Thankfully I have a roof over my head and a job. But problems kept arising, finances are always perpetually tight, my roommates family (btw hi roommate, if you're readin' this, love you <3) are a bunch of awful awful people, and without a registered gp in this country my health problems keep worsening. Trying to look out for myself and my roommate with what little I have and what little I can make has been very hard, and it's been difficult to even get out of the house seeing as I've almost been jumped on three separate occasions since moving here.
- That's the short version of events, not going in to the many many more minute details that I'd rather not mention publicly. Right now I no longer have a job as I gave it up last week due to the terrible hours and pay. I can hardly do anything as my wrist problems and eye problems keep worsening. We have no way of making any form of income and I've got nobody to really turn to in case everything hits the fan again; so I've been essentially living on a knife's edge for almost a year now. There are a plethora of other things happening as well but those are for me to deal with.
So there's a quick rundown of 2023 and 2024 so far.
Given just how distant I've grown, how rare my uploads are, my inconsistency in responding, I just wanted to let everyone know that it's all just because of life getting in the way, nobody in this community has upset me and I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon. I'll be doing what I can to keep going and will be back uploading before you know it once I've healed up.
I love you all and wish you the best, if anybody wants to know more specifics about my current situation feel free to shoot me a message.
Tl;dr, life has not been too nice to me and I'mma try to keep things brief:
- Hadn't seen my family in a year after my mother (who has NOT been the most pleasant person to be raised by, my scars should be good examples of why) opened my mail to read my bank statements and accuse me of stealing money from them to buy my inflatables (inflatables she only found out I had because she'd been reading all my mail whilst I was away at university behind my back. This wasn't the case as I was using the money I made from comms on them but that didn't stop her from destroying the toys I had at home and threatening me if I even 'stole' money from them again.
- VentOuttaShape was put on permanent hiatus due to my last year at University becoming intensely stressful due to high demands from my tutors and the incredibly high workload along with having to balance my then committed relationship at the time, health issues and the recent death of my grandmother. My Tutors complete lack of empathy to my situation did not help
- Seeing my situation getting worse and worse, I split up with my at-the-time girlfriend as I knew she was going places and didn't want to drag her down due to all of my problems. But in doing so this also left me effectively alone trying to deal with all my issues.
- I gave up University not long after, a month before finals as I just couldn't handle the stress anymore which has left me without a diploma and tens of thousands of pounds in debt. It was during this time I started distancing myself further and further from the community as I just didn't want people to see the mess I had become trying to manage all of this.
- My family contacted me before my birthday inviting me home, I imagined this was done in order to apologise to me. I was wrong. I travelled back home where my mother solemnly lead me to the backyard and with a hammer in her hand, proceeded to angrily tear down the family shed in front of me. She then pointed the hammer at me and threatened me, claiming she'd do the same thing to my head because I'd given up on university.
- I left, of course, and spent the next remaining months leading up to the summer at my university home. I am no longer in contact with anybody I'd known during those 3 years of university.
- Thankfully a friend of mine in this community invited me to stay with them for a few weeks so I could figure out what the hell I could do with my life.
- During that time my family got in contact with me again, asking me to come help them in the scottish countryside as my grandfather needed help moving stuff out of their cottage as he didn't want to live alone after my grandmothers death. Of course I decided I would help them and that was my next big mistake.
- After another terrible falling out with the family I demanded to be taken back to the train station, the closest of which was 30 miles from us due to my grandparent's cottage being so far out in the midlands. At night my mother drove me out and, not realising where we were due to how dark it was, she left me in the dead of night in the middle of a national park completely on my own.
- I spent the next 2 days finding my way to the nearest train station. I took a train back to the family home knowing they'd still be at the cottage, grabbed any of my remaining belongings I could, and had an unfortunate encounter with my less than friendly brother who came home early in order to pass on an ultimatum that should they ever find out I'm in that city again they'd immediately destroy the rest of everything I own.
- I took the next train back to stay with my friend in Scotland, and they agreed to let me stay with them for the forseeable future.
- I found myself a new job as fast as I could and tried to get accustomed to my new life here in Scotland, with all my debt, lack of friends and family and health problems in tow.
- I've been working my job for a few months now, working whatever overtime I could due to it only paying minimum wage. Managing social media, finding the time let alone motivation to draw, responding to messages, it's all become super difficult as trying to maintain my positive attitude and smile around people has become so tiring. I don't want everyone to see how much I'm struggling or how much it's impacted me.
- Thankfully I have a roof over my head and a job. But problems kept arising, finances are always perpetually tight, my roommates family (btw hi roommate, if you're readin' this, love you <3) are a bunch of awful awful people, and without a registered gp in this country my health problems keep worsening. Trying to look out for myself and my roommate with what little I have and what little I can make has been very hard, and it's been difficult to even get out of the house seeing as I've almost been jumped on three separate occasions since moving here.
- That's the short version of events, not going in to the many many more minute details that I'd rather not mention publicly. Right now I no longer have a job as I gave it up last week due to the terrible hours and pay. I can hardly do anything as my wrist problems and eye problems keep worsening. We have no way of making any form of income and I've got nobody to really turn to in case everything hits the fan again; so I've been essentially living on a knife's edge for almost a year now. There are a plethora of other things happening as well but those are for me to deal with.
So there's a quick rundown of 2023 and 2024 so far.
Given just how distant I've grown, how rare my uploads are, my inconsistency in responding, I just wanted to let everyone know that it's all just because of life getting in the way, nobody in this community has upset me and I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon. I'll be doing what I can to keep going and will be back uploading before you know it once I've healed up.
I love you all and wish you the best, if anybody wants to know more specifics about my current situation feel free to shoot me a message.
If I were in your shoes I'd press charges for assault, child endangerment and destruction of property.
I hope things will start to stabilize soon, bud; God knows you more than deserve it.
~Californian Tuft
Hope your cruel family burns in hell for what they put you through