To begin with, I just want to say that I haven't been okay. The past few years have been very taxing physically, mentally, and emotionally. Right now I'm taking steps to improve things, and part of that process is coming forward to share the events of the past few years with you all.

I first began taking commissions when my life was in a very different place. I was working for the family business, living in the family home, attending college full time, and had security in every aspect of my life. Then in 2021, after Mom passed from cancer, things began to slip downhill. That in itself was a difficult period, compounded by months of financial hardship for the entire family as the business closed and Dad needed someone to keep things afloat. I took a job working for Walmart and my older brother moved in to help keep the family home in order with his factory job income, and together we decided to invest in buying the house off Dad and let him retire in his own home properly.

At some point about a year later I decided to stop working for Walmart, as anyone who's worked there as well can tell you it's horrible. I decided the $16/hr paycheck wasn't worth it and after a lot of careful consideration decided to strike out as an independent artist, which felt like a relatively safe option given that I'd been blessed with a sizable savings account and a brother with a high paying job to cover half of the expenses.

Things fell apart very quickly after that. It was around this time that I'd been made aware of the debts the house had run up in terms of taxes and utilities in the years leading up, and my brother's time in the military had left some scars. He turned to alcohol and soon spiraled into a completely different person. He lost his job, his car, and what little money he did have was spent on liquor. There was a point where some evenings were spent locked in the bathroom just to feel safe, as he had a lot of anger and aggression that surfaced when he drank. I'd only ever been attacked once, but once was enough.

I was left as the sole provider for not just a large house but an empty building across the street, as the business (despite being closed) still needed water, sewage, and power until it was sold. It was thousands every month, and before long my savings dwindled into the single digits, and most days I was barely able to scrape by. It was during these months that I made many mistakes, taking on commissions before the current ones were done to keep the lights on, and struggling to handle it all. It was such a stressful time that I can hardly even remember much of it, and my recollection of events is based mostly off of PayPal statements and testimony from friends. Even now I feel like I have issues with short term memory.

During the Summer of last year my Dad and I made the decision to sell the house to pay off the debts, and thankfully we all had backup plans so no one would end up in the streets. Mine was probably the most complicated, as it involved moving from Pennsylvania to Florida with only a week to prepare. So what little I had was spent on a U-Haul, and the next few days were packing up everything I could, though much was left behind with the understanding that I'd return a week later to collect the rest. I came back a week later to find that my other brother had stolen/destroyed anything and everything I hadn't taken with me the first time. My clothes, electronics, college art portfolio, thousands of dollars worth of antiques, an extensive model collection, dozens of books, and jewelry and heirlooms passed down to me from Mom and Grandma. The only reason he gave for why he did this was that I was wrong to leave it in the first place, so I obviously didn't want it, and when it was made apparent I was upset by this, I was threatened with physical violence.

Among what was lost was an extensive portfolio of sketches and commissions, some physical and some stored on a laptop and tablet that were also destroyed. Most of it was already finished, but much of it was works in progress. Also among it all was my queue, which was kept in the form of physical notes, as having access to power/internet wasn't always guaranteed. Stupid, I know, but that's what I thought was best at the time. Thinking back now, learning by snooping through my stuff that I was not only gay, but a furry who drew fetish art may have been an inspiration on his part.

I've tried to piece things together since then by going through DMs and PayPal records, but it hasn't been going well. There are many people with outstanding commissions and YCHs, some of whom have come forward and some who haven't. Some have been rightfully angry, and some have shown sympathy. But many are still in limbo, and for that I sincerely apologize. I want to set things right and make sure everyone gets what they're owed. So if you have an outstanding commission from me and haven't already, please send me a private message so I can make sure my newly formed queue is complete and at some point very soon make it public as many have recommended. If you're angry, you're right to be and I won't try and tell you you're wrong for feeling scammed, even if that was never my intention. But for the vast majority who've heard this story privately and have shown patience and understanding, just know that I'm forever grateful for your kindness.

To be clear, I don't mean any of this as an excuse. I just want people to understand why I've been so erratic, and am asking for help to set things straight.