Thanks Mellow

*hugs* is there anything I can do to help?

Thanks Tim, I don't think there is anything anyone can do unfortunately

All your friends and watchers will tell you, "Smile! Cheer up!" Not helpful, people.

Wish I could offer a word of comfort but I've been there myself a few times... We're here when you need us.

Thanks Perfesser

I know there is not much I can do from here but send you a hug.... *huggggggggggggg

I've gone through this too ARCR... it hurts because you can never quite understand what's wrong. It comes from inside - it's there in all of us and arrives at the worse possible moments.

My advice is - be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up.

Love... lots and lots of love,

Vixyy

Thanks Vixyy

you are very welcome...

Vix

I'm not certain how much it may work for you, but during my boughts it helps me to re-organize a space or take a warm shower, something to affect my immediate surroundings.

I recently deep cleaned my apartment, refrigerator included, might have to go for round 2

I am hoping you will find assistance with this, I know it's going to be a tough journey.

I'm going to therapy, but I don't expect much out of it

It's a long journey and is never going to be super fast. Consider it sometihng that's one day at a time.

*hugs* here for support if I can help

Thanks Kiyo

"Sometimes life is like this dark tunnel. You can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving... you will come to a better place." Iroh (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

You shouldn't be discouraged. You are an artist. Artists create works that delight and inspire people. Art can move people's emotions.
Sometimes you feel helpless, weak and unloved, but if you are steadfast and you search, you will find something new that will give you new strength.
Have you ever heard of Kintsugi?
Kintsugi means the artful assembly of ceramic or porcelain fragments, which are then made whole again using Urushi lacquer and powdered gold.
You turn something broken into something beautiful and unique.
I would turn my negative feelings into something new and unique.
I would advise you the following: Turn the shards of your feelings into a new work of art.
Never give up on making your life worth living.

Coping can be a very long and exhausting process <3

I'm sorry, I know that feeling. All you can do is keep going. When you're going through hell, no sense stopping to admire the view.

Please reach out if ever you feel sad/like doing something major. There are people who want you to succeed and have joy <3

I'm too much of a coward to try anything stupid, but guess that is a good thing

Please take care of yourself.

I'm trying Claude, I'm trying

If it's long term, and you have no way of drastically improving your life conditions,
depression is as tangible and real as lacking eyesight, a limb, or a lung.
You learn to live with it, always fighting it, sometimes being pulled under,
sometimes managing to overcome it for a good stretch of time.

Think of it as an invincible demon, an eternal enemy that can be bargained with,
but never truly banished or vanquished. It is dark, choking cloud that descends
and lifts every now and then.

But you are still you. You know what the happy, undepressed version of you would look like.
Hold onto that, and remember your old triumphs over this curse
the next time it feels hopelessly oppressive.

What you do means a lot to other people, your works are loved and cherished.
The part of you that you put into your art is loved and cherished.

But if there are other sides to your life that we can't see,
but you hold as important – then please, share them with us!

Those things that bother you that feel insignificant or petty or silly,
or the kind of things that people are *supposed* to just deal with and move on –
those things can be the worst culprits in keeping you down.

I honestly wish I knew what a happy me looks like, this is going on for over a decade now. I don't remember how it is like to live without this thing. Thanks for the kind words though, I really appreciate them

Could you describe how your depression manifests, if you are willing to share?

Is it that there is this dull sense of meaninglessness to everything you do,
even the personal projects and ambitions you have poured decades
of effort into?

Or is it that you know what you want, but there is this lethargic lack of energy
that prevents you from working as much at those things?

Could a change for the better in your living situation lift a weight of your shoulders?
(Such as a different house, job, environment, or some new friends. Others have asked similar question, I know.)

I don't have any advice or solutions, I just want to understand you better.
I'm stuck with a depressive condition, myself, and it's harmed
my ability to communicate even with the closest friends,
so I'm would be very grateful to learn
from your experience.

And it is terrible to imagine what you said – not remembering being happy.
Some of your artwork conveys this gloom and hopelessness,
but many other pieces shine with appreciation for life and beauty.

In a way, we all undergo this painful transition from the innocence of youth
to the jaded and bruised resignation of the later years,
but some people get it better, some get it worse.

I'd say it manifests in the form of a feeling that no matter how much effort I put into pretty much anything, it will never be enough, and no matter how well prepared I am for something, there is always some force outside my control that will ruin my plans or make them infinitely harder than they should be. Guess this translates to a profound lack of hope, I'm still a functioning member of society that does what is expected of me, but that is pretty much it.

I don't know what could change that would improve it, I'm already doing most of the things that are recommended to fight this condition, but they don't feel very effective. I have a hard time believing good things can happen to me. As things are, if I'm gone tomorrow, the only person that will immediately notice is my boss, it will take much longer for other people to find out what hypothetically happened.

I try not to spend my drawing time with sad themes because they already have a deathgrip on my mind, and I don't think people want to see depressive stuff. Art is for fantasy, and my fantasy involves cheerful good looking animal people, reality is not going to give me that.

Thank you sincerely for elaborating on the things that haunt you!

The idea of dying in a way that would leave everyone I know on this site unaware
was always terrifying to me. It is a curse of all people living alone –
with the morbid caricature of this kind of solitude being the image
of the person's corpse getting devoured by their own pets.

But this kind of fear is something you can work with:
you can start a habit of making weekly journals,
or quick sketch uploads, so that everyone here
will feel the rhythm of your life, and will
notice if it ceases. I don't want to
sound like your untimely disappearance
is a thing that we should fear or expect, of course,
but an audience interaction routine may counteract that fear somewhat.

You could get together with other creators whose circle of friends
is largely online, and establish a system where you check up on each other.

I understand the deeper side of this feeling – the sense of abandonment,
and of not having your efforts be appreciated, of not having someone
to observe and value you for who you are, and to share in your tastes and values.
Not having ever had a relationship, and with all my friends gone abroad,
I have learned to live with it, but it sometimes stings, still.
Haven't found a better remedy for it than talking to people
on site like this, but a friend of mine who was struggling
with a similar situation tried volunteering and going to local
fantasy/furry conventions to sell her creations,
and it helped her a lot to connect to others,
and make some friends.

About the feeling that nothing you do will ever be good enough,
I have heard this sentiment being expressed by so many different artists –
but that doesn't invalidate it, but makes it more true, in the sense that
the modern art market is a nightmare, and drawing for a living is a tough job.
Also, artists being ridiculously hard on themselves is part of what keeps them
moving forward. It is not a feelgood profession, sadly. I remember being
very miserable at times with self-loathing back when I tried drawing on FA.

Some people I could recommend to talking to here on FA:

– a wonderful, knowledgeable and friendly person, and your fellow Brazilian

– an old guard digital painter whom you could talk shop with, they are a very good person

and – an artist couple, you can talk worldbuilding with them

– another old guard artist who is massively intelligent, skilled, yet approachable and kind

– I've seen their paintings in your Favorites, and they are a super friendly Aussie artist and traveler

Some of them may take a little while to respond, though, but you could just ask them for emotional support,
or offer your friendship, without any preamble or praise sandwiches.

has shared in journals regrets about never being good enough despite trying hard all the time.
Maybe the two of you could come together to commiserate the next time one of you feels crushed.

* * *

For what it's worth, I think you are wonderful artist, and what little of the your personality
that can be seen in your responses, and your attitude towards your artwork
paints you as very good person. It would be a horrific loss to this community
if you were to go away for any reason. It is crying shame that
this community doesn't have a better way of conveying
its appreciation.

You are amazing and worthy of love and admiration.
And no matter how unlikely it feels now,
and in the moments like these,
the world is full of stories
where hopeless situations
turned into happy scenarios
in unpredictable and impossible ways.

I too have fought this demon before. A few things I know that has helped me.

Get out and exercise, preferably in nature; more O2 from the trees, exercise - even walking, is quite helpful.

Get around people. One thing that was pointed out in my physiology classes is the idea of 'big box store walks' It's where you can walk around the big box stores. You'll be around people, your mind is stimulated and get exercise even in bad weather.

Never dwell on the negative, find things that you enjoy doing that is positive. I tend to listen to OTR shows, watch the old classic movies like the 3 stooges.

Get a prescription of vitiam d2/d3. They're finding that's a major problem anymore, as well as your thyroid checked for low thyroid. Another major medical, that's very cheap to clear up (In my neck of the woods, it's $6 for both prescriptions. I pay more for gas than that a month.)

Eat right, get good quality sleep. Ultra-processed food is not good.

Stay away from negative things like social media. That's a cesspool anymore. I left all my SM accounts years ago. Sticking with just something like Discord with a private channel you know of.

Just remember do not just sit around, it's like arthritis. It hurts at first, but then as the movement kicks in, and the body starts dumping chemicals, you'll feel better. Just getting started is the key.

All those is cheap, and easy to do. But if you still have problems, start getting help. AT least this will get you started.

Apart from the vitamin D I'm already doing all those things, I got a box of vitamin D supplements today, maybe that helps

*hugs*

It comes and goes, I find. I still have to push intrusive thoughts of self-harm and suicide out of my mind from time to time that seem to come out of nowhere or even the slightest negative thought.
You are strong. You can fight it. You will win against it. Press on.

*Hugs*

Wishing you all the best, take good care of yourself. 🤍

It's always a little black cloud hanging around isn't it....apparently depression is a co-condition to creative minds.

*offers hugs* I had them, too, these blue devils. of course I can't tell you how to get rid of them... but as long as you can talk about it they have not won yet.

Relatable. You aren't alone. *hugs*