I don't know how long it is going to be before I crumble into a blubbering mess hell I am not sure exactly if I will on the day my mother passed 7 years my father for uncertain reasons has taken his own life, I think I might still be in shock I don't know when I will be able to move on and I don't know what the future holds now other then sad frustrations.... when I needed help he was the one I turned to the most and now he is gone and I am at a loss... I find no desire to enjoy the porn I used to I have not enjoyed myself in that ever since find out... I don't know when I will ever settle into this horrified new "normal"