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Leaving the Furry 'Fandom'
a year ago
I'm sick and tired of this 'fandom.'
I'm tired of being hurt, by others and by myself.
I'm tired of chasing people who are bad for me.
I'm tired of being addicted to pornography, and warping my view on sex and relationships.
I'm tired of weak people, myself included, and of acting in weak ways.
I'm tired of drugs. I hate using them.
But everyone around me in this 'fandom' participates in these, myself included. Without question. Hurting themselves and others. Some knowingly choosing to, like myself. For years. For years I've wanted to get away, but the desire and lust for pornography and sex pulled, and still pulls, me back every time. It's self destructive.
I've spent the past four months making a conscious effort to improve myself. To build self confidence. To develop useful skills in myself. To try and make meaningful relationships.
Outside of this 'fandom', I've been successful. I go to the gym often, and am now in relatively good shape. I've worked on my career with decent success. I've finally found real friends who would have my back when I need it.
Inside this 'fandom' is another story.
It's been the complete opposite. Porn is what always brings me back. Every time. Everyone secretly knows this about the 'fandom'. My self confidence disappears. My weak and destructive thoughts return. I allow people to hurt me in ways I shouldn't put up with, in the hopes of a relationship. Despite all of this being predicated on getting my rocks off. And none of these people would have my back, if anything remotely difficult came up. And it finally clicked when I realized, I wouldn't for them, either.
I feel a split inside of myself, only deepening as I work on my life away from this 'fandom'.
I feel the call to be better. To improve myself, and work to be good. And now I see that every interaction I have within this 'fandom' does the opposite. To worsen myself. To lust. To envy. To abuse drugs. To lower my own standards. To waste my life.
More and more often, my interactions with other people in this 'fandom' has only worsened. Using others only for sex. Drug abuse. Failed relationships. Hatred of people outside their belief systems. Are these types of people respectable? Accomplished? Do they strive to be better people, to encourage me to do the same? I see where that path leads now, and I no longer want to follow them. You become who you associate with, after all.
On a relationship level, this 'fandom' is in the worst state I've ever seen it. Every person you meet is sleeping with other people. The ones who are 'taken' are also simultaneously in a relationship and betraying their significant other, by yet again sleeping with other people. It has damaged my perspective and expectations in relationships so significantly that I hope I can recover. None of them truly care about you.
This entire realization can be put simply. These people do not have my best interest at heart.
And even further, most have their own, ulterior interests. To use me- for my emotions or for sex. To pull me down to their level with drug or porn use. To emotionally or sexually cheat within a relationship. Why would anyone who cares about themselves participate in a space like this?
In the end, this is my goodbye to this 'fandom'. Looking back, since finding it 14 years ago, and being an active participant since 2017, what have I accomplished? Let's review.
-I have an almost crippling porn addiction
-Numerous people I choose to associate with encourage this addiction
-I've destroyed my self confidence
-I developed intense jealousy for sexual acts
-I've spent over $10,000 of my own money on useless porn art
-I now have serious trust issues on a relationship level
-Out of all who I've met- a single digit amount take bettering themselves seriously
-None push me to do or be better, and it's in many of their interests to do the opposite
-Almost none can handle a serious, tough conversation. Most walk away.
Who in their right mind would look at this and conclude it's a good 'fandom' to be in? I no longer see any reason to continue participating in it. It's not good for me, and it's not good for anyone.
I'm sure I'll have my moments of relapse and struggle. Like with any addiction. But my time here is done.
Before any of you decide to try and contact me, because I know a few who will. Think to yourself first. Do you truly care about someone like me, or is your reason for being here in the first place because you want to get your rocks off? I think we know the answer.
That's the whole reason behind this site, after all. And behind this 'fandom' entirely.
I'm tired of being hurt, by others and by myself.
I'm tired of chasing people who are bad for me.
I'm tired of being addicted to pornography, and warping my view on sex and relationships.
I'm tired of weak people, myself included, and of acting in weak ways.
I'm tired of drugs. I hate using them.
But everyone around me in this 'fandom' participates in these, myself included. Without question. Hurting themselves and others. Some knowingly choosing to, like myself. For years. For years I've wanted to get away, but the desire and lust for pornography and sex pulled, and still pulls, me back every time. It's self destructive.
I've spent the past four months making a conscious effort to improve myself. To build self confidence. To develop useful skills in myself. To try and make meaningful relationships.
Outside of this 'fandom', I've been successful. I go to the gym often, and am now in relatively good shape. I've worked on my career with decent success. I've finally found real friends who would have my back when I need it.
Inside this 'fandom' is another story.
It's been the complete opposite. Porn is what always brings me back. Every time. Everyone secretly knows this about the 'fandom'. My self confidence disappears. My weak and destructive thoughts return. I allow people to hurt me in ways I shouldn't put up with, in the hopes of a relationship. Despite all of this being predicated on getting my rocks off. And none of these people would have my back, if anything remotely difficult came up. And it finally clicked when I realized, I wouldn't for them, either.
I feel a split inside of myself, only deepening as I work on my life away from this 'fandom'.
I feel the call to be better. To improve myself, and work to be good. And now I see that every interaction I have within this 'fandom' does the opposite. To worsen myself. To lust. To envy. To abuse drugs. To lower my own standards. To waste my life.
More and more often, my interactions with other people in this 'fandom' has only worsened. Using others only for sex. Drug abuse. Failed relationships. Hatred of people outside their belief systems. Are these types of people respectable? Accomplished? Do they strive to be better people, to encourage me to do the same? I see where that path leads now, and I no longer want to follow them. You become who you associate with, after all.
On a relationship level, this 'fandom' is in the worst state I've ever seen it. Every person you meet is sleeping with other people. The ones who are 'taken' are also simultaneously in a relationship and betraying their significant other, by yet again sleeping with other people. It has damaged my perspective and expectations in relationships so significantly that I hope I can recover. None of them truly care about you.
This entire realization can be put simply. These people do not have my best interest at heart.
And even further, most have their own, ulterior interests. To use me- for my emotions or for sex. To pull me down to their level with drug or porn use. To emotionally or sexually cheat within a relationship. Why would anyone who cares about themselves participate in a space like this?
In the end, this is my goodbye to this 'fandom'. Looking back, since finding it 14 years ago, and being an active participant since 2017, what have I accomplished? Let's review.
-I have an almost crippling porn addiction
-Numerous people I choose to associate with encourage this addiction
-I've destroyed my self confidence
-I developed intense jealousy for sexual acts
-I've spent over $10,000 of my own money on useless porn art
-I now have serious trust issues on a relationship level
-Out of all who I've met- a single digit amount take bettering themselves seriously
-None push me to do or be better, and it's in many of their interests to do the opposite
-Almost none can handle a serious, tough conversation. Most walk away.
Who in their right mind would look at this and conclude it's a good 'fandom' to be in? I no longer see any reason to continue participating in it. It's not good for me, and it's not good for anyone.
I'm sure I'll have my moments of relapse and struggle. Like with any addiction. But my time here is done.
Before any of you decide to try and contact me, because I know a few who will. Think to yourself first. Do you truly care about someone like me, or is your reason for being here in the first place because you want to get your rocks off? I think we know the answer.
That's the whole reason behind this site, after all. And behind this 'fandom' entirely.
Regardless, any environment can be toxic based on the person and if this improves your livelihood I say go for it. We all have our demons, and hell most people on this site are genuinely bad influences so I don’t blame you at all. For me I try to commission a balance of things, do worldbuilding and such and maybe sometimes get something that will have some value after 1 viewing.
Either way, best luck to you moving forward. It’s part of every human to want to improve their quality of life, and for some people that means joining a community. But I will say being a furry doesn’t mean you have to do drugs or get porn art all the time. I haven’t done drugs at all in my entire life, and no one in my circle has ever encouraged me too.
I feel this a lot lately. The amount of people who turn on me because I emote a fraction more than they care to deal with, and only want to be lewd or highlife happy times all the time is self-image damaging. My most recent journal actually ranted about this. I've craved friendships, ownerships and mates and its been impossible because people haven't seem to be interested in being REAL about anything. They're pulled back and reserved on being actual people and caring and sharing who they are and about others. I've been ghosted and prompted stalked by someone who claimed to care and want me to talk to them about how I felt, for telling them how I felt, just to watch them after ghosting me get a ton of porn with others I was attempting to get with them and get someone else as a pet after telling me their mate wanted them to stop our ownership.
Unfortunately for me, my life is twisted up in this and I like being who I am and how I act. I'm just trying to sift through garbage and mimics for the real people.
If stepping back is what you need, then do it.
But still do what you think it's best for yourself. Your well being matters the most and if you want to leave then that's understandable. But still them there are still good people who care about you and only ever want you to be happy. It's always best to focus on them since after all it shows that there's still hope for friends and people.
I wish you the best! Please stay safe and healthy!
I don't want to speak for everyone and I don't want to make excuses, only posit explanations, but my time in the furry community has had a lot to do with coping. I have to imagine I'm not the only one. A lot of us come from shitty upbringings that showed us poorly about how to be human, and our coping mechanism is escapism; lust isn't the only reason for all that porn. Regardless of the number of good seeds among them, bringing maladjusted people together is kind of a recipe for disaster, whoever’s to blame for that maladjustment.
I'd be happy to talk if you'd like, feel free to message your Telegram! We don't have to talk about anything sexual if you don't want to but new friends are always nice :)
Know that I've only had good times with you and you seem like good people. You'll always be welcome around' here. Take care of yourself.
I've met a handful of folks I'm happy to have met and talked with. However, that was also in carefully tested and limited out-reaches. Same approach IRL since I'm still working out of the mindset that "everyone is out to use and abuse you. Trust no one. Be prepared to do anything for your survival" while contending with issues of self worth that I've been working on for years now.
Whatever your experiences are going forward, I hope you learn what you can from them and continue to improve with time. ^v^
I feel like most communities, this one can be what you make of it, but there are a lot of bad actors that make finding the good people almost not worth it. I'd have loved to reach out and squawk and get to know you better or maybe even chat about counter strike, but I want to respect your wishes to avoid reaching out. While I can't begin to imagine your particular situation, I've had similar struggles... Finding a good, reliable, trustworthy circle of friends is very very worthwhile, and I hope that whether you ultimately stick to the fandom, or find a future outside of it, that you surround yourself with good people who value you and uplift your life with their presence. You seem like you care, and those that care are in short supply anymore... Hang in there.