I suppose you could say. the biggest thing i am guilty of is Envy.

perhaps jealouse of others who have it all figured out and im still trying to figure things out.

i have so many characters. tons of them. yet everywhere i look i see other peoples sonas and i get jealouse of them. i envy their desings and i take for granted my own creativeity. I try to transform that jealouse and envy into inspiration to create my own characters based on those desings. or at least. in partciality. i know that i will never have what others have. and that i can only create something for myself.

theres no such thing as origonality. im only imitating what i see. and wishing i knew better. wishing i had better. im not even sure how much my main sona even reflects who or what i am at all. but its not going to go away. im stuck in a prison of my own makeing and feels like i cant get out because others wont let me out.

i can already hear all the supportive commits comeing. I have all the creative freedom i want. i can be anything and whatever i want to be. im a shapeshifter who dosent know what he (or she) wants. i can be anything. but trying to be anything eles just feels wrong.

just spirling out of control and into the drain once again. non stop circling the middle. around and around i go.

depression hits hard and when it dose it dosent go away easily. iv tried to maintain a happy go lucky additude and be ultra optimistic all the time but i feel so beaten down by life that its finaly i think taken its toll and im just done with it.

depression can take a very short walk off a short peir now. and let me get back to what makes me being happy.


I love all the variouse characters and sonas i see out there. i love this fandom and i love all the creative freedom of expression we experiance throught all this medium. thank you to the community for providing us a place where we can be ourselves and express ourselves in variouse ways.

lets continue this journey now.