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The dumb shit society we're living in
a year ago
Hi guys, Wolfie here!
Today I kinda got inspired to talk about an important topic.
I wanted to post it here, eventhough not many people ever read my journals.
But DA is dead and all other places don´t really give an option to leave lots of text.
I try to keep this short but want to talk about it anyway.
First, I am seriously thankful about living in a relatively free country where I have rights that protect the way how I am and give me the right to express how I feel.
There are lots of countries out there where this is NOT possible.
Anyway, if you are like me, life isn´t easy in such a country.
I personally don´t have the desire to be something special, but because of different things about myself, others see me as something that is special or not normal.
Since a while, people like me are called "people with special needs" instead of "people with disabilities" (I have autism and a few other psychological diagnoses).
I think these are the reasons why I don´t have the power or the will to adapt as much to other "normal" people to not pop out of the crowd.
The autism makes things already difficult in interaction with other people. Those people who see themself as normal, can be very complicated for me.
They have a way and language that confuses me sometimes and I can get into weird or bad moments which make the other person think that something is wrong with me.
If that wasn´t enough, I also think that I have species disphoria.
Since ever I can think, I never wanted to be a human or have a human body. Animals, especially canines and felines or foxes and mustelids appeared so much more logical and beautiful to me that I literally felt having a body like that and tried to adapt their behavior and physiology.
The society and "normal" people of course, have no awareness about this and they don´t understand it.
When I see people online openly talk about it, then there are either haters or gossip and shit talkers who make fun over these people who try to openly speak about their feelings.
I wonder if this also happens in such a big amount and way with people who talk about depression, suicide or other dramatical psychological disorders which are already a bit more accepted in the middle of our society.
Currently I live in Germany in an area that has mixed people. Some are rather conservative and some are modern and open minded.
People look at the tail I wear all the time, some are confused, some are terrified but not many, some make fun of it because they don´t understand it.
People show even weirder reactions when I also wear my wolf ears or my mask. I even had people just grabbing at my tail without asking me first.
When I feel like a wolf, it just doesn´t feel right when I have no tail.
The other thing which is also an issue is my gender disphoria.
Thankfully in my country this is a patological thing, so I get treatment for that.
I was born female but live like a guy since I was 11 and since 8 years I am under hormon treatment. It feels so much better but I still want to get the surgeries done, too so I don´t have weird moments or even dreams anymore about my current body stadium.
It irks me that I don´t dream what I wish to be but what I actually am, so when the surgeries give me male body parts that I can FEEL and that are not just bound to my body, then I should have better dreams and a better psychological condition. Since I take hormones, people see me as a guy anyway but I can´t go swimming with my friends in public, I can´t pee while standing and I am ashamed about my current body condition. I mean, I am afraid to get into emberrassing situations by accident where people see parts that I don´t want to call my own.
If those parts would look male, I wouldn´t at least be ashamed anymore.
All these things are stuff which is not really respected in today's openminded society.
Our free nations usually act like they accept stuff like that but when it comes to trying to live an independent life, you have hard times to find a job, "normal" friends or anything.
When I was younger, before I had hormone treatment, I tried to find a job. I was looking like a woman who was walking around and acting like a guy and guess what, nobody liked me or wanted to give me a paid job. And at that time, I didn´t even wear a tail yet. I tried to adapt to their behavior as good as I could and I got into disagreements and missunderstandings just a few times, but well, it didn´t matter where I tried to get an education or even a normal basic job, people just didn´t want me.
A few times, I got a chance because someone else helped me to get a job, but when 6 months were over and it was time for them to officially take me and make a worker agreement with me, they said no and kicked me out like garbage.
Now with my diagnosed autism and other stuff, I found a place in a paralel society where just disabled people work.
We sadly don´t really get a payment. Mostly it is a system that helps us to survive and have a job, but it is nowhere inclusion to the normal society, who doesn´t want us anyway.
I am thankful for that place because if it wouldn´t exist, I would either be homeless, in psychiatry or in jail.
I am a predator afterall and hunting is not legal here and attcking humans for whatever reason isn´t of course, either.
But things could be better.
The problem is just the society that doesn´t want to learn and see us a benefit towards the economy and work or the world in general.
If you have any thoughts you want to leave or to share, you are welcome to make a comment.
Today I kinda got inspired to talk about an important topic.
I wanted to post it here, eventhough not many people ever read my journals.
But DA is dead and all other places don´t really give an option to leave lots of text.
I try to keep this short but want to talk about it anyway.
First, I am seriously thankful about living in a relatively free country where I have rights that protect the way how I am and give me the right to express how I feel.
There are lots of countries out there where this is NOT possible.
Anyway, if you are like me, life isn´t easy in such a country.
I personally don´t have the desire to be something special, but because of different things about myself, others see me as something that is special or not normal.
Since a while, people like me are called "people with special needs" instead of "people with disabilities" (I have autism and a few other psychological diagnoses).
I think these are the reasons why I don´t have the power or the will to adapt as much to other "normal" people to not pop out of the crowd.
The autism makes things already difficult in interaction with other people. Those people who see themself as normal, can be very complicated for me.
They have a way and language that confuses me sometimes and I can get into weird or bad moments which make the other person think that something is wrong with me.
If that wasn´t enough, I also think that I have species disphoria.
Since ever I can think, I never wanted to be a human or have a human body. Animals, especially canines and felines or foxes and mustelids appeared so much more logical and beautiful to me that I literally felt having a body like that and tried to adapt their behavior and physiology.
The society and "normal" people of course, have no awareness about this and they don´t understand it.
When I see people online openly talk about it, then there are either haters or gossip and shit talkers who make fun over these people who try to openly speak about their feelings.
I wonder if this also happens in such a big amount and way with people who talk about depression, suicide or other dramatical psychological disorders which are already a bit more accepted in the middle of our society.
Currently I live in Germany in an area that has mixed people. Some are rather conservative and some are modern and open minded.
People look at the tail I wear all the time, some are confused, some are terrified but not many, some make fun of it because they don´t understand it.
People show even weirder reactions when I also wear my wolf ears or my mask. I even had people just grabbing at my tail without asking me first.
When I feel like a wolf, it just doesn´t feel right when I have no tail.
The other thing which is also an issue is my gender disphoria.
Thankfully in my country this is a patological thing, so I get treatment for that.
I was born female but live like a guy since I was 11 and since 8 years I am under hormon treatment. It feels so much better but I still want to get the surgeries done, too so I don´t have weird moments or even dreams anymore about my current body stadium.
It irks me that I don´t dream what I wish to be but what I actually am, so when the surgeries give me male body parts that I can FEEL and that are not just bound to my body, then I should have better dreams and a better psychological condition. Since I take hormones, people see me as a guy anyway but I can´t go swimming with my friends in public, I can´t pee while standing and I am ashamed about my current body condition. I mean, I am afraid to get into emberrassing situations by accident where people see parts that I don´t want to call my own.
If those parts would look male, I wouldn´t at least be ashamed anymore.
All these things are stuff which is not really respected in today's openminded society.
Our free nations usually act like they accept stuff like that but when it comes to trying to live an independent life, you have hard times to find a job, "normal" friends or anything.
When I was younger, before I had hormone treatment, I tried to find a job. I was looking like a woman who was walking around and acting like a guy and guess what, nobody liked me or wanted to give me a paid job. And at that time, I didn´t even wear a tail yet. I tried to adapt to their behavior as good as I could and I got into disagreements and missunderstandings just a few times, but well, it didn´t matter where I tried to get an education or even a normal basic job, people just didn´t want me.
A few times, I got a chance because someone else helped me to get a job, but when 6 months were over and it was time for them to officially take me and make a worker agreement with me, they said no and kicked me out like garbage.
Now with my diagnosed autism and other stuff, I found a place in a paralel society where just disabled people work.
We sadly don´t really get a payment. Mostly it is a system that helps us to survive and have a job, but it is nowhere inclusion to the normal society, who doesn´t want us anyway.
I am thankful for that place because if it wouldn´t exist, I would either be homeless, in psychiatry or in jail.
I am a predator afterall and hunting is not legal here and attcking humans for whatever reason isn´t of course, either.
But things could be better.
The problem is just the society that doesn´t want to learn and see us a benefit towards the economy and work or the world in general.
If you have any thoughts you want to leave or to share, you are welcome to make a comment.
Damals als ich 18 wurde gab es auch noch die Wehrpflicht aber da ich ja weiblich geboren wurde, bin ich nicht da reingefallen und musste nicht zur Untersuchung aber vermutlich hätte ich eh Zivi machen müssen. Für die Wehrausbildung bin ich psychisch und körperlich nicht gemacht. Das mit dem alles enger werden empfinde ich auch so. Es gibt definitiv zu viele Menschen, und die regen sich darüber auf das ein paar tausend Wölfe wieder in Deutschland leben -.- Ich weiß nicht, ich habe es irgendwie nie geschafft mich so zu verstecken das ich auf andere normal wirke, das klappt bei mir einfach nie. Ich brauche diese self expression irgendwie, sonst fühle ich mich leer und unglücklich. Solche Sachen wovon du beschreibst kommt mir bekannt vor. ich habe mal sowas änliches erlebt in einem Minijob, das war der einzige Arbeitsvertrag den ich je bekommen habe aber von einem Minijob kann man natürlich nicht überleben. Ich war damals anfang 20 und vorher hatte ich schon so meine Mühe mit dem Arbeitsamt. Nach dem Minijob war ich 10 Jahre lang depressiv, habe versucht online Geld zu machen mit Kunst und ebay Verkäufen. Ich habe damals auch schon befürchtet, das wenn ich es schaffe in irgend einen Job zu kommen, dann werde ich den auch wieder nicht lange haben und vermutlich von Praktikum zur Praktikum hoppen und das bringt mir am ende ja nichts. Man macht sich damit ja auch nur selbst kaputt. Das wollte ich auf garkeinen Fall, ich war schon durch so viel was schon in der Jugend passiert ist nicht noch mehr kaputt machen. Einer meiner Freunde sagt auch immer das er nicht mehr zulässt, das Leute versuchen ihn zu "verheizen" indem sie seine Arbeitskraft ausnutzen. Er arbeitet auch mit mir in der Werkstatt als Künstler aber davor war er auf einer Blindenschule und sollte eigentlich in Ämtern oder anders wo im Callcenter arbeiten, aber man hat ihn auch nur hin und her gereicht.