I am too hard on myself. Thank you to those who reached out here and in DMs. I can see that people enjoy feederism and my stories. There are people of all sorts and sizes in this world, and I shouldn't pretend I don't like something to impress someone. And... I am trying to open myself up to try a more casual relationship. No matter what gender, or if it'll be one night. I am a hopeless romantic. I have always strived to obtain a relationship that would last forever and we would improve off of each other. Make a family, get a home, follow our dreams, and work through the hard times and the good. I guess the real world just doesn't work that way.

I think the reason I am a hopeless romantic is this: I saw my mother and father be in a horrible, abusive relationship. I wanted to kick both of them in the face by showing them that I could create a relationship they never had and be happy with a family of my own. I've stayed away from drugs and alcohol and pushed myself in school and work. And now I can't even get two lines into a chat on dating websites. Nobody cares about how far I've come because they can see I am unhappy. I don't think I'm going to understand what love is until I just throw myself at people and try things out. Because honestly, I don't know the first thing about love. I have been alone for a long, long time. I don't want to be the bitter person I was yesterday.

"Imagine falling in love with someone at a young age and ending up together for the rest of your life." This is something that I need to work on or else I am never going to improve. And I fully admit that I am jealous of those who have married and have what I want. Thing is, I could find that if I just tried doing something casual. I believe that those who have made it together have fully recognized who they are and are fully open about it with each other. I am just now starting to figure out who I am now that I have any modicum of stability. It is no wonder why I am still alone.

I need to find happiness doing what I love, whatever that may be. I am going to start loosening up. So, I am going to gain. I'm going to be loud. I like being lazy and playing video games. I enjoy writing, drawing, and music. Do the dishes need to be done? Does the grass need to be mowed? Not my issue, because I need to concentrate on myself. I can't keep carrying the world on my back and expect people to like me.