there were so many of you. but i kept track.
accents, disabilities, eras, identities.
body language, triggers, favorites, each unique.
everything you all wanted i gave. everything you needed, i made it happen
i loved you all equally if not too much.
i did everything in my power. i sacrificed the most important years of my young adult life to you all.

each chore was a scene, improv, unscripted.
it flowed.
my creations became your own, you had the ruling hand.

intimacy.
sex only came from dramatized movie scenes.
i acted to get some semblance of truth.

a

was it even real? were you all real?
why wouldnt you get help?

im tired of the nightmares.

i had a dream we brought a life into this world.
and you refused to acknowledge them.

but you still wanted to eat me.

alive.