Man let me tell you all, the last four months were pretty uneventful until the last few weeks where shit hit the fan in many ways...good and bad. But let's start off with the biggest one as of typing this I lost my mom about a week ago. (content warning below)

A few weeks back, my mom made a comment to me that she wasn't able to pee. She said it felt like she had to go but just nothing came out. I asked her how long it been and she said about a day. Well two days later and still nothing. It was getting to the point where my mom was thinking about going to the ER which was huge for her since she had a crippling fear of doctors (for herself). One day she even called my cousin to come down and we could all go together but my mom's fears got the best of her and the three of us had a massive fight to the point my cousin walked out telling my mom she would never speak to her again, and I left telling as well, storming out of the house for the first time ever.

The next day while I was at work and my cousin was at work (things were patched up that morning since we all felt something was going on). My mom went to the hospital herself around 2pm. I got off at 7pm and got at the Hospital around 8pm where my mom was in some room. Long story short they told her that her potassium was through the roof. (normal levels are like 3 and hers were around 7) So they put her in the ICU and since visiting hours were over at 8 in the ICU I went home. a bit later my mom texted me and said they "found something"

The next Day I went back, which btw the room they gave here was amazing. it was so cool. Anyway the doctors came in and told my mom that there was a growth that was blocking the tube(s) that connected the Kidney to the Bladder, thus blocking the urine. They gave my mom a few choices. but My mom decided to do nothing. Later that day I talked to a nurse, while my mom didn't want to know anything I did and I found out my mom was filled with cancerous tumors.

The next day me, along with my three cousins went down where we had a meeting with my mom where she told them what was going on among other things and by 4pm me and my mom where on our way home (she drove her own car). The next few days Hospice got set up. In the Hospital they said my mom most likely had just a week. So with Hospice she got the bare minimum

The next few weeks are kind of a blur. They were fast but also very slow. At first my mom was pretty okay. But then things started to happen. The first was when she went up the steps and at the top, when she tried to make a turn she fell. she refused any help and it took her almost two hours to get into bed. A few days later she was downstairs in the hospital bed but still somewhat able to move on her own. That was until one morning.....

I woke up, and went down to get her up and to the bathroom where I saw she already had an accident (btw fact, my mom at this point had not eaten anything in over 2 weeks and was shitting a lot) she got to the bathroom and I took the covers off and started the wash and well..she fell off the toilet. That was around 9am. She didn't get back into bed until past 3pm. She stayed in bed with nothing really going on for the next three days however..that meant she wasn't going up to use the bathroom.

While I was trying to keep my moms wishes, It was quickly becoming to much for me. I could hardly take care of myself let alone a dying person. A nurse came and with a lot of effort, (by this time my mom was like mentally not there but still put up a huge fight) they cleaned her up and changed her. the next day the Nurse and an aid came and we set up a new plan where someone would be there every day. The nurse also gave me a new schedule to give my mom medicine, stuff to calm her down ever three and morphine every six. Telling me that this should streamline everything.

Now I want to take a second and tell everyone. besides my cousins (and their families) my mom lost every. single. person. to cancer. and I mean everyone. My dad died in 2019 and her sister died in 2022. Both were the last two nails in the coffin for her. after that my mom was just...done. She had enough of life and just wanted to be in Heaven with everyone, and if it wasn't for her being so religious Me and my cousin agreed my mom would of committed suicide years ago. in fact my mom wanting to die was a common conversation to the point where it in an odd way helped me.

Anyway, this went on for a few days then one night I woke up around 3am to give my mom her next dose and she was like yelling, but snoring. it was very odd and unless you heard it. I went downstairs gave her the stuff and waited a few minutes. the stuff seemed to work as her breathing calmed down and she was just sleeping. I went back upstairs but really couldn't fall back to sleep. I must of dozed off because my alarm went off which meant it was time for the next round of medication. The last week or so I would normally go to the top of the steps and listen for a second. This time i didn't hear anything. in fact it was a very strange quite. I went downstairs and looked into the room. I then fed and let out the dog, got dressed, and did everything I could think off because like holy shit did I see that I think I saw?

I finally went into the room and she was gone. The feeling I had could only be described as "Oh fuck" she seemed okay, like her body wasn't in any weird way. it looked like she just passed in her sleep. I called Hospice, and My cousin and before we knew it they took my mom.

I, myself went from feeling like a looser living back with his mom to suddenly being an orphan and owning a house and four cars....which by the way. you might have a plan of what you want to do. but once it happens and you see that has to be done....Like this is a four bedroom house with over 50 years of stuff inside it. it is SOOO overhelming. But Im taking it one day at a time, cleaning and going though things here and there. My BF should be back with in a week or two which will help a lot. And while of course I dont want to get rid of everything I hope before summer ends to have a huge yard sale to clean up.

But yeah...thats all for now.