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Linesnek:Re
a year ago
General
Woas its me
tl;dr of this post is gonna be that I updated maturity ratings on most of my beegs so that the non-sillies can just toggle SFW mode to view all of my less-silly works, and that i've rediscovered the silly artist hiding deep inside my soul
(mini-note: long version is a bit personal)
Longer version is that I recently started a big self character development because of the silliest reason (very very in character for me).
I decided to kinda take a mini step back from things for a bit, since art stuff wasnt, and hasnt been going super well since about mayish, with mid may to early july being a massive struggle to consistently get things done, partially because of some mental stuff i wasn't fully able to understand and deal with, and partially because I'm extremely silly and forgot to take my ADHD meds for like a month (like, what did I think was going to happen lol).
Anyways, since May, I haven't been able to fully connect with my art that much, with the exception being pieces I did for other people (or pieces that were heavily motivated by other people), and outside of that it's been a bit tough to do the arts. While I've been able to pinpoint approximately when my issues started, I wasn't able to fully figure out the why until recently.
it was honestly really really silly, I was trying to work on actually playing games more instead of procrastinating, and ended up forcing myself to play Kinitopet (which was a game I had wanted to play for awhile now's), and without going into too much detail, the game has a little MS paint sorta thing, and I made silly doodles on it with my mouse. And after awhile of doing that, I realized I was actually having a lot of fun with it? (drawing that is), even though it was just a silly doodle with my mouse, I had more fun and appreciation of those doodles, then I did of a lot of my projects, both during and after.
And in that moment if finally clicked for me, what I had actually lost from March/April (when i was hyperfocused on RW art month and actively drawing and studying daily). I lost the love of art and games that had come from my soul.
Instead of viewing the things I did from my own lens, and improving on what I wanted to in the moment, I started to think about what other people would say about it instead. At some point I started drawing and improving for the concept of these fictional people I'd tell my self existed. I had to study and work because otherwise I'll fall behind everyone else, I had to drop silly stuff for the sake of focusing on the bigger picture, I had to be better, I just had to, because otherwise... I've failed?
And at some point, these feeling moved from internal motivations, to external fears, without going into too much more detail (this is long enough already), it just became hard to "be" anymore, if that makes any sense at all.
Anyway, to end this off kinda wholesomely. I've decided I want to draw for myself, and make all the silly decisions and mistakes along the way. I want to show off who I am, not the concept of what I think others want me to be. It'll be a rocky ride, and honestly? That's okay, because I know I'll be the one steering.
As John Bungie once famously wrote with a flaming quill in Desney 4: the slugcat
"Slugcats make their own fate."
And now its time to make mine.
edit: oop forgot to include why I changed maturity ratings since i entered silly writing mode. I still think all my stuff is silly wholesome silliness, however I did want to separate most of the beeg from the smol just in general, specially since this is my main silly zone. I would've preferred some sorta like, "beeg tag" to put on it instead of marking it as mature, as I don't really consider any of it mature nsfw stuff. but oh wells.
tl;dr of this post is gonna be that I updated maturity ratings on most of my beegs so that the non-sillies can just toggle SFW mode to view all of my less-silly works, and that i've rediscovered the silly artist hiding deep inside my soul
(mini-note: long version is a bit personal)
Longer version is that I recently started a big self character development because of the silliest reason (very very in character for me).
I decided to kinda take a mini step back from things for a bit, since art stuff wasnt, and hasnt been going super well since about mayish, with mid may to early july being a massive struggle to consistently get things done, partially because of some mental stuff i wasn't fully able to understand and deal with, and partially because I'm extremely silly and forgot to take my ADHD meds for like a month (like, what did I think was going to happen lol).
Anyways, since May, I haven't been able to fully connect with my art that much, with the exception being pieces I did for other people (or pieces that were heavily motivated by other people), and outside of that it's been a bit tough to do the arts. While I've been able to pinpoint approximately when my issues started, I wasn't able to fully figure out the why until recently.
it was honestly really really silly, I was trying to work on actually playing games more instead of procrastinating, and ended up forcing myself to play Kinitopet (which was a game I had wanted to play for awhile now's), and without going into too much detail, the game has a little MS paint sorta thing, and I made silly doodles on it with my mouse. And after awhile of doing that, I realized I was actually having a lot of fun with it? (drawing that is), even though it was just a silly doodle with my mouse, I had more fun and appreciation of those doodles, then I did of a lot of my projects, both during and after.
And in that moment if finally clicked for me, what I had actually lost from March/April (when i was hyperfocused on RW art month and actively drawing and studying daily). I lost the love of art and games that had come from my soul.
Instead of viewing the things I did from my own lens, and improving on what I wanted to in the moment, I started to think about what other people would say about it instead. At some point I started drawing and improving for the concept of these fictional people I'd tell my self existed. I had to study and work because otherwise I'll fall behind everyone else, I had to drop silly stuff for the sake of focusing on the bigger picture, I had to be better, I just had to, because otherwise... I've failed?
And at some point, these feeling moved from internal motivations, to external fears, without going into too much more detail (this is long enough already), it just became hard to "be" anymore, if that makes any sense at all.
Anyway, to end this off kinda wholesomely. I've decided I want to draw for myself, and make all the silly decisions and mistakes along the way. I want to show off who I am, not the concept of what I think others want me to be. It'll be a rocky ride, and honestly? That's okay, because I know I'll be the one steering.
As John Bungie once famously wrote with a flaming quill in Desney 4: the slugcat
"Slugcats make their own fate."
And now its time to make mine.
edit: oop forgot to include why I changed maturity ratings since i entered silly writing mode. I still think all my stuff is silly wholesome silliness, however I did want to separate most of the beeg from the smol just in general, specially since this is my main silly zone. I would've preferred some sorta like, "beeg tag" to put on it instead of marking it as mature, as I don't really consider any of it mature nsfw stuff. but oh wells.
And yeahs dont worry, I've been working on slowly breaking through my old limits, so more sillies in the future, and I've been getting a lot done behind the scenes recently. (and it'll get posted whenever I get this current project done:3 )