Sorry for disappearing for a few months. There will be a long story. And please don't be too judgemental about my spelling, I don't use Google translator to check it as I usually do.

For last few months I was struggle and still struggling with huge mental issues. First I had the worst mental breakdown. Now I see it didn't come out of nowhere, but back then it was a total surprise. That was just an ordinary day and I just broke suddenly. I was crying for a few days non-stop, I felt so awful and I wanted this nightmare to end. My family brang me to the psychiatrist. There I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was devastated by this fact.

I am seeing psychiatrist and psychotherapist. Every day I take the amount of medications comparable to a small meal. Most of the time I just zone out and the most I can do is get out of bed and wash my face, and even that feels like an impossible task.

My phases takes a lot of time, a few months at least. I remember about you and especially about my commissioners every day, I swear. I feel so much guilt for how irresponsible I am. I was so afraid to come here again because of the shame. I thought you guys must hate me so much. But I am here. And still I am afraid, so it is possible that it will take time till I come again to see your responses.

I was thinking about writing this explanation for a long time. It was in my head for weeks. And finally I found strength to look to your eyes and say I am sorry. I will come back. I wait for getting better so much. I am tired of this depression episode. I am tired of feeling miserable. I am tired of this endless anxiety and apathy. I just want to be productive and reliable again. I just want to feel something, that not an anxiety or apathy or fear. And I miss you so much.

Please, forgive me. I will be back, I promise.