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important, regarding my drawings
a year ago
General
I have two things I want to say.
1) I've always had a bit of a guilt drawing snuff. In all my works, the deaths have been consensual. This is because I grew up in an extremely toxic family and developed an unhealthy perception of affection, the "I would die for you" sort of mentality. There were a number of things in my childhood that further pushed and perverted this idea including religion, parents and things in media I was too young to comprehend. Over the past couple of years I have becoming more aware of myself. More so, how bad my parents really were, complete narcissists. My father is a know it all narcissist, refuses to believe he's ever wrong. My mother is the self-pity type, craving attention about her woes. The first shattered my self confidence from ever really forming to the point that I can't even take compliments properly. The latter, was my young misinterpretation of my mother "putting herself on the cross to look down he nose at others" . They are so awful that neither of my other siblings are on talking terms with them now. In realizing what my brain was doing, the concept off snuff is wearing off like my brain is untangle wires . "snuff isn't affection, THIS is affection"
2) I'm not giving up on lewd art in general :P I still like bondage and other kinks but I think I can do it in a much more practical, positive mindset. I just have to get over some drawing paralysis. I bring my sketchbook and pencil box to work every night, hoping I can throw something onto a page at work during break but even if I do bring it out, I just stare at the page. "I suck I suck I suck! What if I draw an anthro? will people wonder things about me? will people say things?" And then I have no real privacy at home to draw either, living with parents due to how expensive housing is. I feel so rusty that I've just shut down. Trying to work at it but rebuilding the routines is hard. So many plans, but I just burn out.
TLDR: 1)Not really into snuff much any more due to mental growth/realization
2) still want to draw but having mental and physical blocks.
1) I've always had a bit of a guilt drawing snuff. In all my works, the deaths have been consensual. This is because I grew up in an extremely toxic family and developed an unhealthy perception of affection, the "I would die for you" sort of mentality. There were a number of things in my childhood that further pushed and perverted this idea including religion, parents and things in media I was too young to comprehend. Over the past couple of years I have becoming more aware of myself. More so, how bad my parents really were, complete narcissists. My father is a know it all narcissist, refuses to believe he's ever wrong. My mother is the self-pity type, craving attention about her woes. The first shattered my self confidence from ever really forming to the point that I can't even take compliments properly. The latter, was my young misinterpretation of my mother "putting herself on the cross to look down he nose at others" . They are so awful that neither of my other siblings are on talking terms with them now. In realizing what my brain was doing, the concept off snuff is wearing off like my brain is untangle wires . "snuff isn't affection, THIS is affection"
2) I'm not giving up on lewd art in general :P I still like bondage and other kinks but I think I can do it in a much more practical, positive mindset. I just have to get over some drawing paralysis. I bring my sketchbook and pencil box to work every night, hoping I can throw something onto a page at work during break but even if I do bring it out, I just stare at the page. "I suck I suck I suck! What if I draw an anthro? will people wonder things about me? will people say things?" And then I have no real privacy at home to draw either, living with parents due to how expensive housing is. I feel so rusty that I've just shut down. Trying to work at it but rebuilding the routines is hard. So many plans, but I just burn out.
TLDR: 1)Not really into snuff much any more due to mental growth/realization
2) still want to draw but having mental and physical blocks.
hooves
~hooves
Just enjoy yourself... be as happy you can... *Sends Love*
