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My plans for Lyons of Kosma.
a year ago
This is a journal that I’ve wanted to write for some time. First, I should start by saying that I’m so sorry Lyons of Kosma suddenly dropped off. I’m deeply embarrassed and aware that I let many people down. As I’ve stated in previous journals, my mental health took multiple dives over the last ten years with one of the worst happening around 2018-2020 as I was proceeding with chapter 3. At the same time, the only way I could pay my bills was with adoptables, which consumed any possible time I could have devoted to comics.
Going back and rereading the little prologue that inspired Kosma in the first place reminded me that it was, first and foremost, my brain’s attempt at rebuilding an understanding of what was happening to me following a series of extreme traumas that landed me in an incompetent psychiatric hospital with crippling PTSD.
In effect, Kosma was a diary, and my primary mistake was turning it into an entertainment product and trying to make money off it. This opened the door to having a very large audience critique its many obvious flaws. In turn (and since Kosma was a personal diary), I seemed to internalize this criticism as direct criticism of *me*, not just my comic. Now, I don’t blame the people who were criticizing the comic. It’s foolish to post things onto the internet without understanding that public criticism is guaranteed. If anything, it was a very interesting and important discovery of deep naivety on my part.
Still, this experience wrecked my already fragile mental health and basically sent me into hiding. Not being able to make money fast enough and watching the quality of my work deteriorate as my mental health deteriorated alongside it was not helping, either.
However, the story, world, and characters have been alive and well inside my mind. Aside from an unrelated porn comic, it’s all I think about sometimes. I’ve really missed it and noticed my brain wanting to return to it.
I’ve also dramatically changed since I first started it nearly eight years ago. Every time I go back and read it, I shake my head at how obviously mentally ill I was when developing it.
And so, my plan is to redo it. Many people have said “no, keep going,” but I just don’t feel comfortable with that. I’ve changed too much as a person and the comic, as it stands now, is not a reflection of who I am. Now, I’m not going to completely redo it. The story, plot progression, and characters will remain intact. I’ll be replacing character art with my modern style and replacing several backgrounds.
The biggest changes will be the following three:
Change 1: The Breakup Scene
The first half of chapter one was obviously just me raging at an ex whom I realized (much later and far too late) had valid reasons for wanting to breakup with me. At the time, the psychological pain was so great and confusing that I drove myself into a crazed victim mentality wherein I bore none of the blame whatsoever.
That said, I’m going to make the breakup scene much less one-sided; I want to expand upon Andrew’s mental illness its effect on the breakup. Andrew will be convinced he was the only victim of the breakup, but slowly start to realize his own role in bringing it about and how his original accusations against Mark were mistaken.
My own real life breakup was due to the wild transformations I underwent due to psychiatric intervention and PTSD symptoms. I blamed him, but in retrospect, it was obviously me. It’s embarrassing to read the opening scene and bear witness to my behavior and beliefs at the time. They were the product of chemical and traumatic insanity that I will grieve for the rest of my life.
If my ex is reading this: I am deeply sorry, M.B. I can see now what I put you through and cannot begin to imagine how confusing it was. It was grossly unfair of me to lash out in the way that I did, and the fact that you held on for as long as you did was a testament to the kindness of your character. If anyone who knows him could relay this, I’d be very grateful.
Change 2: A bunch of additional content showing how the parents discover Andrew is alive.
Something that always bothered people was the question of how Andrew’s parents ultimately found out he was alive. I’d placed a bunch of context clues within the backgrounds of the scenes on Earth, but I think they were too vague and not effective. The original plan was to have them find Andrew using a GPS chip that was implanted under Andrew’s skin. I now find this too unbelievable (even for an autistic cartoon furry fantasy comic), and am changing the “implant” to a much more powerful GPS wristwatch that Richard builds for Andrew following the event that left the latter with PTSD (a terrorist attack and kidnapping). I’ll also expand on the technobabble of how they can track the watch to Kosma.
Furthermore, I think I rushed the story of the parents putting their rescue plans into action waaaay too much. I was so intensely looking forward to the Twister-esque Department of Defense scifi tornado chase scene that I skipped over a ton of much needed exposition. Therefore, we will see a lot more of Richard and Maria’s life as they grieve Andrew but also start to discover clues that me might still be alive. I’ve already drafted this out, and it works so, so much better.
Change 3: The Language
I want to redo the language completely. It was supposed to be an original fantasy language, but I’m going to scrap that in favor of an idea I like much more:
Andrew arrives in a world that is enslaved by an evil psychiatric authoritarian dystopia that doesn’t allow any of its citizens to learn any language other than a broken form of Esperanto. I’ve read some interesting research that suggests the quality of your knowledge of your first language can impact how well you can form thoughts and arguments. This would be an interesting way to keep a population dumbed-down and more controllable.
This new language will replace all the speech bubbles in chapter 2. I don’t think I’ll add translations since I really do want the reader to feel as confused as Andrew when he doesn’t understand the people around him. However, you’ll be able to simply use Google translate and find out what they’re saying.
In conclusion.
I love this comic and have missed it terribly. Again, I think this it’s my diary, and so I’m just going to treat it as such. This time, I’m not going to be making it for a specific audience or for Patreon or for my checking account. I’m going to be making it for me and then sharing it with you. That’s all. I need to make sense of the last ten years of my life, and I want to do so by letting my brain build a world and tell a story.
I’m not sure when I’ll have anything to post, but at least wanted you to know my plans and intentions.
Going back and rereading the little prologue that inspired Kosma in the first place reminded me that it was, first and foremost, my brain’s attempt at rebuilding an understanding of what was happening to me following a series of extreme traumas that landed me in an incompetent psychiatric hospital with crippling PTSD.
In effect, Kosma was a diary, and my primary mistake was turning it into an entertainment product and trying to make money off it. This opened the door to having a very large audience critique its many obvious flaws. In turn (and since Kosma was a personal diary), I seemed to internalize this criticism as direct criticism of *me*, not just my comic. Now, I don’t blame the people who were criticizing the comic. It’s foolish to post things onto the internet without understanding that public criticism is guaranteed. If anything, it was a very interesting and important discovery of deep naivety on my part.
Still, this experience wrecked my already fragile mental health and basically sent me into hiding. Not being able to make money fast enough and watching the quality of my work deteriorate as my mental health deteriorated alongside it was not helping, either.
However, the story, world, and characters have been alive and well inside my mind. Aside from an unrelated porn comic, it’s all I think about sometimes. I’ve really missed it and noticed my brain wanting to return to it.
I’ve also dramatically changed since I first started it nearly eight years ago. Every time I go back and read it, I shake my head at how obviously mentally ill I was when developing it.
And so, my plan is to redo it. Many people have said “no, keep going,” but I just don’t feel comfortable with that. I’ve changed too much as a person and the comic, as it stands now, is not a reflection of who I am. Now, I’m not going to completely redo it. The story, plot progression, and characters will remain intact. I’ll be replacing character art with my modern style and replacing several backgrounds.
The biggest changes will be the following three:
Change 1: The Breakup Scene
The first half of chapter one was obviously just me raging at an ex whom I realized (much later and far too late) had valid reasons for wanting to breakup with me. At the time, the psychological pain was so great and confusing that I drove myself into a crazed victim mentality wherein I bore none of the blame whatsoever.
That said, I’m going to make the breakup scene much less one-sided; I want to expand upon Andrew’s mental illness its effect on the breakup. Andrew will be convinced he was the only victim of the breakup, but slowly start to realize his own role in bringing it about and how his original accusations against Mark were mistaken.
My own real life breakup was due to the wild transformations I underwent due to psychiatric intervention and PTSD symptoms. I blamed him, but in retrospect, it was obviously me. It’s embarrassing to read the opening scene and bear witness to my behavior and beliefs at the time. They were the product of chemical and traumatic insanity that I will grieve for the rest of my life.
If my ex is reading this: I am deeply sorry, M.B. I can see now what I put you through and cannot begin to imagine how confusing it was. It was grossly unfair of me to lash out in the way that I did, and the fact that you held on for as long as you did was a testament to the kindness of your character. If anyone who knows him could relay this, I’d be very grateful.
Change 2: A bunch of additional content showing how the parents discover Andrew is alive.
Something that always bothered people was the question of how Andrew’s parents ultimately found out he was alive. I’d placed a bunch of context clues within the backgrounds of the scenes on Earth, but I think they were too vague and not effective. The original plan was to have them find Andrew using a GPS chip that was implanted under Andrew’s skin. I now find this too unbelievable (even for an autistic cartoon furry fantasy comic), and am changing the “implant” to a much more powerful GPS wristwatch that Richard builds for Andrew following the event that left the latter with PTSD (a terrorist attack and kidnapping). I’ll also expand on the technobabble of how they can track the watch to Kosma.
Furthermore, I think I rushed the story of the parents putting their rescue plans into action waaaay too much. I was so intensely looking forward to the Twister-esque Department of Defense scifi tornado chase scene that I skipped over a ton of much needed exposition. Therefore, we will see a lot more of Richard and Maria’s life as they grieve Andrew but also start to discover clues that me might still be alive. I’ve already drafted this out, and it works so, so much better.
Change 3: The Language
I want to redo the language completely. It was supposed to be an original fantasy language, but I’m going to scrap that in favor of an idea I like much more:
Andrew arrives in a world that is enslaved by an evil psychiatric authoritarian dystopia that doesn’t allow any of its citizens to learn any language other than a broken form of Esperanto. I’ve read some interesting research that suggests the quality of your knowledge of your first language can impact how well you can form thoughts and arguments. This would be an interesting way to keep a population dumbed-down and more controllable.
This new language will replace all the speech bubbles in chapter 2. I don’t think I’ll add translations since I really do want the reader to feel as confused as Andrew when he doesn’t understand the people around him. However, you’ll be able to simply use Google translate and find out what they’re saying.
In conclusion.
I love this comic and have missed it terribly. Again, I think this it’s my diary, and so I’m just going to treat it as such. This time, I’m not going to be making it for a specific audience or for Patreon or for my checking account. I’m going to be making it for me and then sharing it with you. That’s all. I need to make sense of the last ten years of my life, and I want to do so by letting my brain build a world and tell a story.
I’m not sure when I’ll have anything to post, but at least wanted you to know my plans and intentions.
Lol jk, but for real, good luck with what happens next!
First off: as much as I would love to see the continuation of where we left off, I'm all for going back and redoing things. Especially replacing your old art with your new style. Let your brain do it's thang!
Second: I would love to see updated and expanded content. The new breakup, an interstellar GPS wristwatch (does the DST time get updated to Kosma time when he lands?), and his parents finding Andrew.
The language change for Kosma: although I liked the furry fantasy language I'm okay with making it more of a real one for the reasons you stated. Should be interesting.
And lastly: all the best wishes for a good health and best of luck with the comic!
Best of wishes.
(I grew up with many fears.
The world was so damn confusing because I was measured with the same rule as they would do to other "normal" children around, and all felt uncomfortable and hopeless.
But suddenly my life took a large 180° spin after I was told about my autism spectrum in my early 20s.
I worked hard with my condition to line up my puzzle of mixed feelings, and I like to follow the light since then thanks to many people I met)
I thank you for what you have done until now. I'm willing to wait your time, then read and see how your updates and projects go.
Stay strong my friend! ^^
You have a very unique artstyle, I open EVERY new picture from you, no matter if it's adoptable or whatever, just cos I can't get enough of your style. Stay safe <3
I totally agree that this should be made for you and only for you. This is your life. Your world. Your characters. Your experience. What you share with us we shall ever be grateful for, but it should definitely be your story for you and we are lucky to get to ride along. I hope it does what it's meant to. I hope it helps you put the pieces together for yourself, and I deeply hope you enjoy working on it again.
My best wishes to you. My thanks for what you share. My hopes for a better future for you.