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Rethinking Doing Smaller Work
a year ago
So I've had a thought that's been sticking in my brain lately. For the past few years I've done work that is mostly stuff I'd call "big thinky" content; Stuff that has deep personal meaning for both myself and the commissioner. I'd talk with them about the themes of their idea, what their relationship to their character is, talking with them about problems they're having right now and how that might relate to the picture in question. After several years of that, a funny pattern happened. I would wake up, think about how I needed to work on that picture, and I would either go back to sleep, or do busy work like cleaning my room or watering/ learning about plants. Eventually, this made me grind almost to a halt art wise. The fact that I couldn't get to the canvas to do my job, and the fact that I'd recently stopped streaming due to anxiety attacks because I didn't set proper emotional boundaries, was not doing me any favors in beating the "lazy" allegations I would make at myself.
So a problem needed solving. What was happening at the canvas that would make me procrastinate? What I didn't want to think was that this kind of content was something that I couldn't produce anymore. "I'm making work that's meaningful to people! Work that they'll look back on and remember how they used to feel or how they overcame a problem in their lives. If I'm not doing work like that, is this even worth it?"
To be clear, I've got no problem drawing the peepis and vagooter but by no means is it ALL I want to draw, and clearly I can't just draw only emotional work either, but doing art has this weird quality. The more of a certain type of art that you do, the more you tend to get commissioned for it. That's what people see, so that's what they ask for. Over the past few days I've realized I'm capable of drawing pinpong and vegita much faster than I am capable of completing the more thoughtful ones. I mean obviously right? You're not second guessing your artistic choices as much because your choices have fewer consequences. Now more art of one type poses a problem going forward, but we'll get to that.
Doing art slowly like this also gives you more time to think, and my thoughts aren't always kind. The fact that I was doing art slowly, constantly gave my negative thoughts fertile soil to grow in, as it led to many a problem (or perceived problem) with people in my life: commissioners, roommates, friends, relationships. Obviously, the solution is to do the art faster, so I have more personal little victories to keep my ego high enough that I get out of bed! But I can't just force myself to be in the right headspace to do a deep meaningful piece and if I'm not in that headspace, the work I do will suffer and a piece like that deserves better. The problem is clarified: "I'm not the type of person who can ONLY do work like this, as it puts me in an environment that let's my worse thoughts flourish."
SO I had a thought... well okay more like I accidentallied my way into it. I took time to redraw an old sketch piece I did for Mono (which I just posted), and turned it into a painting, and I turned it around in a single day. Like... 4 hours. "WOAH!" thought I. "That's amazing." said others. "Reaganomics!" was a thought I had while doing this bit and snorted. And THEN I had a thought. If I can turn these around quickly, I'll be able to take as much time as I need on the bigger thinky pieces without having to rush them for rent. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to put anything less than my full ass into a piece, but I do need to put a limiter somewhere, otherwise I'm back to putting days into a painting and being depressed again. So I set a limit for a day to be spent on each of these "Quickies" and I took some on over at bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/tinydragon.art I gotta say, I know little victories are what keep us going, but I wasn't expecting to feel this much better about myself, and with the separation I get from big thinky, the better I can perform on them. Everything seems great! Perfectly balanced.
Then like all good things, my brain ruined it by having a thought. Remember when I was talking about how the more of a thing you post, the more people tend to want that from you? Well, if I do more art of a certain type, then I'll have more of that art to post. The balance would not sustain itself and I might eventually be back to rarely having anything but NSFW work, and there was a reason I wanted to pull away from that a while ago, so I could make time for more emotional work. It's artistic snack food. Fun to do on occasion, even often, but if it's all I'm doing, I'm left unfulfilled. Soooo what to do?
- I could make another profile for peonies and viburnums across all platforms, putting more work on myself.
- I could just not post the prepositions and verbs, which leaves my galleries vacant and infrequently updated, along with there just not being one place for people to see that work, and thus it doesn't get commissioned because people won't know that I do it.
- I could risk just posting it anyway and trust the my reputation as someone who puts effort into the emotional aspects of my work will carry me through, while also overcoming the emotional whiplash of seeing one piece of work depicting someone's struggle with depression and panic attacks, followed by someone breasting boobily.
- I could inject this quickie mindset into other works I do like my smoochagrams and try to give those single day turnarounds, which would help balance out the party-rockin and vibranium with the emotional work. This would also reduce the price of smoochagrams seeing as I'd be spending less time with them.
- Time is the main factor here so I could also just do emotional work that would only take a day, but that work isn't the type that lends itself to being talked about and having a piece of work done about it in a single day. On top of that I would once again lose my balance.
- I could just stop caring an- PFFTT hah! No, not happening.
All of these are, of course, business questions that I'll have to ask myself. I just don't have the answers right now, but for the sake of honesty, I wanted to share my thoughts with you all. The answer I do have right now, is that I'm happier than I've been in a while, and I'd like to sustain it, as it makes me not only a better person, but a better artist. A little bit of dicks and a little bit of emotional honesty. I'm a silly possum, doing silly drawings, but sometimes ones that are also emotional. I need that balance. Something that I did start to think, talking with people about their feelings and how they were hurt, is that everything is highly consequential. It's not untrue, but it did convince me to take on the big emotional problems of the world all the time. After all, if the problems aren't being addressed they're just getting worse and you never know when someone is truly on the edge. I still want to do work like that, but I can't do that all the time. It forces me to take everything far too seriously. I'm not batman, I'm a possum. A silly possum. Things aren't always bad, but I'd like to provide a place where people can come and talk about the bad things (and the good things too) and get art about it when they are, and at the same time, I'd like to give my brain a rest and talk with someone about how they REALLY wanna get plowed with a building sized shlongus. However I handle this going forward, I can't thank you all enough for considering me when getting a commission, and for my commissioners unending patience with me figuring myself out! Being a part of this fandom has made my life better and I'm happy you all include me in it. Be well, and do good things.
So a problem needed solving. What was happening at the canvas that would make me procrastinate? What I didn't want to think was that this kind of content was something that I couldn't produce anymore. "I'm making work that's meaningful to people! Work that they'll look back on and remember how they used to feel or how they overcame a problem in their lives. If I'm not doing work like that, is this even worth it?"
To be clear, I've got no problem drawing the peepis and vagooter but by no means is it ALL I want to draw, and clearly I can't just draw only emotional work either, but doing art has this weird quality. The more of a certain type of art that you do, the more you tend to get commissioned for it. That's what people see, so that's what they ask for. Over the past few days I've realized I'm capable of drawing pinpong and vegita much faster than I am capable of completing the more thoughtful ones. I mean obviously right? You're not second guessing your artistic choices as much because your choices have fewer consequences. Now more art of one type poses a problem going forward, but we'll get to that.
Doing art slowly like this also gives you more time to think, and my thoughts aren't always kind. The fact that I was doing art slowly, constantly gave my negative thoughts fertile soil to grow in, as it led to many a problem (or perceived problem) with people in my life: commissioners, roommates, friends, relationships. Obviously, the solution is to do the art faster, so I have more personal little victories to keep my ego high enough that I get out of bed! But I can't just force myself to be in the right headspace to do a deep meaningful piece and if I'm not in that headspace, the work I do will suffer and a piece like that deserves better. The problem is clarified: "I'm not the type of person who can ONLY do work like this, as it puts me in an environment that let's my worse thoughts flourish."
SO I had a thought... well okay more like I accidentallied my way into it. I took time to redraw an old sketch piece I did for Mono (which I just posted), and turned it into a painting, and I turned it around in a single day. Like... 4 hours. "WOAH!" thought I. "That's amazing." said others. "Reaganomics!" was a thought I had while doing this bit and snorted. And THEN I had a thought. If I can turn these around quickly, I'll be able to take as much time as I need on the bigger thinky pieces without having to rush them for rent. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to put anything less than my full ass into a piece, but I do need to put a limiter somewhere, otherwise I'm back to putting days into a painting and being depressed again. So I set a limit for a day to be spent on each of these "Quickies" and I took some on over at bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/tinydragon.art I gotta say, I know little victories are what keep us going, but I wasn't expecting to feel this much better about myself, and with the separation I get from big thinky, the better I can perform on them. Everything seems great! Perfectly balanced.
Then like all good things, my brain ruined it by having a thought. Remember when I was talking about how the more of a thing you post, the more people tend to want that from you? Well, if I do more art of a certain type, then I'll have more of that art to post. The balance would not sustain itself and I might eventually be back to rarely having anything but NSFW work, and there was a reason I wanted to pull away from that a while ago, so I could make time for more emotional work. It's artistic snack food. Fun to do on occasion, even often, but if it's all I'm doing, I'm left unfulfilled. Soooo what to do?
- I could make another profile for peonies and viburnums across all platforms, putting more work on myself.
- I could just not post the prepositions and verbs, which leaves my galleries vacant and infrequently updated, along with there just not being one place for people to see that work, and thus it doesn't get commissioned because people won't know that I do it.
- I could risk just posting it anyway and trust the my reputation as someone who puts effort into the emotional aspects of my work will carry me through, while also overcoming the emotional whiplash of seeing one piece of work depicting someone's struggle with depression and panic attacks, followed by someone breasting boobily.
- I could inject this quickie mindset into other works I do like my smoochagrams and try to give those single day turnarounds, which would help balance out the party-rockin and vibranium with the emotional work. This would also reduce the price of smoochagrams seeing as I'd be spending less time with them.
- Time is the main factor here so I could also just do emotional work that would only take a day, but that work isn't the type that lends itself to being talked about and having a piece of work done about it in a single day. On top of that I would once again lose my balance.
- I could just stop caring an- PFFTT hah! No, not happening.
All of these are, of course, business questions that I'll have to ask myself. I just don't have the answers right now, but for the sake of honesty, I wanted to share my thoughts with you all. The answer I do have right now, is that I'm happier than I've been in a while, and I'd like to sustain it, as it makes me not only a better person, but a better artist. A little bit of dicks and a little bit of emotional honesty. I'm a silly possum, doing silly drawings, but sometimes ones that are also emotional. I need that balance. Something that I did start to think, talking with people about their feelings and how they were hurt, is that everything is highly consequential. It's not untrue, but it did convince me to take on the big emotional problems of the world all the time. After all, if the problems aren't being addressed they're just getting worse and you never know when someone is truly on the edge. I still want to do work like that, but I can't do that all the time. It forces me to take everything far too seriously. I'm not batman, I'm a possum. A silly possum. Things aren't always bad, but I'd like to provide a place where people can come and talk about the bad things (and the good things too) and get art about it when they are, and at the same time, I'd like to give my brain a rest and talk with someone about how they REALLY wanna get plowed with a building sized shlongus. However I handle this going forward, I can't thank you all enough for considering me when getting a commission, and for my commissioners unending patience with me figuring myself out! Being a part of this fandom has made my life better and I'm happy you all include me in it. Be well, and do good things.
Honestly they're all deep questions and I dont have much advice to give as a non-artist and just an appreciator of your work. I will say though that, having read this, moving forward I'll see your work in a much more "awake" manner, if that makes sense. I guess, ofc I knew you put your whole ass into your commissions, but actually reading how much it matters to you, and how you also want to explore emotional content, slice of life, nsfw, etc, really makes me appreciate all of it more.
The realities of rent, our own sabotaging brains and how much work you can make without burning out are ones a lot of us deal with, heh. So fwiw I wish you luck in your search for something that works for you. Perhaps you can give some of the more promising alternatives a test run? see how it goes?
Regardless, thank you for still being a presence here and for sharing your wonderful art with us <3
And thank you for luck! I'll do my best going forward!
balance is tough, but it's vitally important to EVERY aspect of life. ...and I'm no stranger to sitting around philosophising solutions for days, yet never getting around to ACTING on any of those solutions.
In a nutshell? I think I get what you're saying, and am glad you've found a spot to feel happier, if even for a moment.
(PS; even if streaming is a bit too much, I hope you're still logging in to check those balances, because I'm leaving that sub right where I left it :p)
Thinking about problems is good I think but going out, failing collecting data and trying again works better for me!
(I do appreciate it and I promise to find some way to pay you back for your generosity <3)
/no seriously you've been much behind your quota on plant posts on bsky and that makes me sad/
Honestly? I time delay those pieces for posting. Some pieces I fully withhold from posting, maybe I'll toss them on my gallery like a year later if things are looking vacant in my gallery. Kind of like having a "filler" backlog for when you're going slow.
The thing I do more often though, is I lightly bury the pieces I feel I've been doing a lot of and don't necessarily want more work for. Done a crap ton of Bojack Horseman icons this month? Then I'll post one and IMMEDIATELY follow it with something else. That bumps it down on the subscription feed, and when people look at my gallery the gallery is still quite full.
Just a couple tools you can use! o7 Take care of yourself, it sounds like this is going to take a while longer to work through fully but I'm glad you're already feeling better about your process and workload!
Thank you for your comment and your generous suggestions! <3
seems like you have lots of thoughts bouncing back and force and that much of noise is sinking the ture motive to do art behind your head like quicksand.
probbly dont force yourself to ask questions and feedback just for the sake of it. such like, '' I have to care because i have to care '' but those question probbly isnt the main focus on THAT certain art piece .