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The Ceiling
a year ago
Scribbling nonsense all across the board like jaguars leaping from trees of leather bodices encasing aged withered corpses whose eyes dazzle with the light of one million and three silver satellites flying over Los Angeles hiding illegal immigrants from Irish potato farms built atop the golden ruins of El Dorado filled with demonic Ewoks hurling tremendous tankards of tons of Tylenol at the panda bear ninjas that hide around every corner of the magic square building trying desperately to pull up its skirt and set roots on another cubic square inch of the board upon which I am scribbling nonsense.
Feeling like I'm really having a hard time with motivation lately.
I'm making progress with Rhinestones, I feel like I could keep plodding away at it without much difficulty if I really wanted to, put all my focus into it and maybe get it done before the end of the year.
But I don't want to do that, I want to still be able to devote time to smaller projects when the inspiration strikes me.
The general malaise of tiredness which I am overwhelmed by more often than not doesn't help matters, it's been making it harder and harder for me to do the full 2k-word days that I used to do, sometimes just not writing at all, that's not enough output for me to do everything that I want.
I'm also increasingly self-conscious about the art I've been putting out, wary that I've been cutting corner after corner, it's not satisfying to me and I don't know how to get better in a way that matters.
I'd stream myself playing games, just so that I'm doing something to show that I'm active, but any time I try to do that I only succeed in getting frustrated because streaming gameplay is a form of content that requires far greater audience interaction than anything else I do.
The general disdain of people which I harbor within doesn't help matters either.
There's clearly something that I need to change.
Live more healthily absolutely.
Probably start going to therapy again.
Moving out of my parents' house would be ideal but that's a pipedream.
I'm hitting the ceiling and I don't think I'm going to be able to break through.
I'm making progress with Rhinestones, I feel like I could keep plodding away at it without much difficulty if I really wanted to, put all my focus into it and maybe get it done before the end of the year.
But I don't want to do that, I want to still be able to devote time to smaller projects when the inspiration strikes me.
The general malaise of tiredness which I am overwhelmed by more often than not doesn't help matters, it's been making it harder and harder for me to do the full 2k-word days that I used to do, sometimes just not writing at all, that's not enough output for me to do everything that I want.
I'm also increasingly self-conscious about the art I've been putting out, wary that I've been cutting corner after corner, it's not satisfying to me and I don't know how to get better in a way that matters.
I'd stream myself playing games, just so that I'm doing something to show that I'm active, but any time I try to do that I only succeed in getting frustrated because streaming gameplay is a form of content that requires far greater audience interaction than anything else I do.
The general disdain of people which I harbor within doesn't help matters either.
There's clearly something that I need to change.
Live more healthily absolutely.
Probably start going to therapy again.
Moving out of my parents' house would be ideal but that's a pipedream.
I'm hitting the ceiling and I don't think I'm going to be able to break through.
I just know "mixing it up." is the right way to go, imo.
if you want to talk though, just know I'm around.
Its okay to take a break and a long one if you need it but dont give up what you are good at.