I have declared that I want to move out of the house I have been renting. My family who owns it refuses to fix it. The main water line is broken so I've had to put the dishwater in a bucket and dump it outside. This has attracted bugs. My dog and cat have fleas. I've hooked a garden hose to the washer so the water disperses in the backyard. The $100,000 shadow lien that my uncle put on the house is still relevant so even if they sell it they will probably not get any money. It isn't worth $100,000 anyway so I assume all of that money will go to the government or something. Half the windows are cracked or completely broken and the very foundation is visibly cracking. I've had to put blackout curtains in my room with blankets to keep out the scorching hot weather. I stopped paying them full rent because none of this has been my fault and we've been living like this for years. They are angry now because they can't pay their medical bills with our money. I am lucky that I didn't remodel more of it when I was in my early 20's and still naive. I would have never gotten any of that money back. I've still lost thousands of dollars and any investment I made is lost.

I will need to find somewhere else to live very quickly. I wish I could relax but I have never had time to do so. Honestly, I've fallen into such a huge depression, especially after the peak of Covid. I worked for so long to get somewhere in my life where I felt comfortable. I worked at the same place for 6 years as hard as I could until I went from a server to a cook. None of that mattered because of the losses I've dealt with recently. The only thing I can do is type to get some sort of relief by expressing my thoughts here. I haven't slept well in a long, long time. I don't think I will until I find work that treats me with respect and a place to live. The only thing that is keeping me going is coffee, working out, and my friends. I am thankful for having a found family of best friends I've known for half of my life. At the very least, they have let me rest easy knowing that we will all find a place together and that we will all be okay. The future is cloudy but I know we will get by.

I would like to write more on here just to get a little money on hand. I can try my best to make something. I know my track record with commissions has been shoddy at best but I have a hard time feeling 100% writing most of the time because everything feels so far away. Just reach out if you can. I would prefer writing SFW stuff atm just to keep a clear head.

If there is one positive I can admit, it is I can look around and see the good I have done. I am a hard worker, and I have transformed a hoarder's house filled with roaches and mice into a decent home. I can repeat this process of building a comfortable home in my name. I will just have to start at step 1 once again. In any case, I am doing extremely well in school and have numerous projects I'm working on. The key factor is time, energy, and keeping a level head.

And you heard me right earlier, I am working out. I get so stressed out nowadays if I just sit around and eat. There is a truth behind shocking your body to keep your mind straight. It helps with my anxiety tremendously. I wish I could have that mindset of just relaxing and gaining but I am just not in the right environment for it. I have lost about 15-20 lbs recently. I am by no means endorsing losing weight. However, I do wish for everyone to be happy and healthy. If you can do it, I say keep the chub on. Maybe one day I can catch up.

If I can give any advice to early adults in my situation it is to get everything written on paper. Do everything by the book. Don't trust your family or friends to keep their word. If someone is backed into a corner, they will do anything to protect themselves. Keep receipts and records. Time and time again I see families consuming each other whenever someone in the family dies to get every last drop that they think they own. Maybe this is a generation kind of thing and newer generations will have more respect for each other but I have my doubts. And honestly, make mistakes. Don't follow the rules. I feel like now that I'm a couple of years from 30 I spent so much time trying to achieve something that never could have happened that I don't know who I even am. I wish I had experienced the world, partied, and made relationships. Instead, I just worked and now look where I am. I still feel like I am as clueless about how the world works as back then and I still have nothing to show for the work I've done.

I'm going to take a moment to just chill. Thank you for reading if you made it this far. I just really needed to get my thoughts together.