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Dragoneer's passing makes me thing on my priorities
a year ago
The sudden death of an important member of the community kinda makes me think or question some priorities of mine.
Like, i'm closer to reach my mid 30's, haven't visited another country, had a girlfriend, finished a comic, improved my drawing skill, or even then, not visiting enough my nephew.
My legacy is weird, I know that if I die, there will still be people enjoying my doom mod's and stuff.
But, also, I don't feel like i'll be leaving any legacy on the real world as in, couple, friends, family.
Like, I do wonder if anyone will miss me, and at the same time, there are mutuals that I kinda wish I were more open to them to say to them how much I appreciate them (and to some of them, how much I love them, either as artists or platonically)
I am curious what would happen if I die, what would be people's reaction to it, and if anyone would drop a tear over my departure (excluding family).
The part that hate the most, is being aware that the brain is conscious of its passing for half an hour, so even if I do want to die sometimes, I don't want to experience those final 30 minutes.
I want to believe in reincarnation, but at the same time I feel weird thinking that assuming reincarnation exists, my whole mind and personality would be erased on the new body as well, so even if i'm on a new body, I won't be me.
So, yeah, although I do have some cool digital friends, I don't have enough irl friends, you know, those that you can go to their houses and talk about stuff.
I do have some, but they are very few, and they live far away, so it's not like if i can visit them any time I want.
Soooo, yeah, I kinda wish I weere a bit more open to my feelings, I'm afraid to say I love you to people I know, that word sounds weird to me, and I had such terrible experiences as a child while using that word, that i'm afraid to use it and drive people I appreciate away from me, just because i tried to show some affection.
Soo yeah, mutuals I follow, I want you all to know that I really appreciate you and your work, I hope the best in your life and good luck in your future endeavours.
And yeah, there are few mutuals I kida love in a platonic way, sorry I don't have enough courage to tell you what I feel.
I can't identify if the feeling is mutual, I'm hurt and afraid, don't want to lose you, even if we barely talk, i tried, but i don't feel like i'm worthy, my brain boycotts me, so how can you fight an enemy when it lives inside you?
Love you, sorry I won't tell it to you. Sorry that i'm afraid. I want you to be happy, either with or without me, so, yup.
I doubt she would read this, and even then, didn't mentioned her name, so I feel like I was cryptic enough for them to don't know who I am talking about. I'll say I still have a drawing you did of one of my characters on my door for almost a decade. And been using another comission i did as desktop background for the past 5 years.
So yeah, that's the platonic one.
There's also another one, that I kinda wish I were able to be with her like, forever.
We've already met several times irl, went to movies, talked on plazas and stuff, so nice and such a cool person. And cool artist as well.
Yet again, my past experiences and my injured heart, i'm afraid to be more open with her.
So, to you. I have some deep feelings for you, i have a hard time thinking the words to express them.
I don't know, do silly stuff like hugs and hold hands and look at their eyes and tell her she's beautiful without fear.
Feeling her cheek with my hands, silly stuff.
Look at the sky, maybe the clouds or the stars. A breakfast on winter with hot chocolate milk.
Silly stuff.
Anyways, I like your stuff and I hope i get strength to be more vocal about it anyday in the future. Maybe not.
And for my peruvian friend that visited the country for a month and visited him once: I already miss you.
I wish I had more chances to see you while you were here, and I wish I hugged you for longer and told you personally how much I appreciated you (and perhaps kiss you in front of your partner hahaha, totally normal friend stuff)
Anyways, i rambled a lot already.
have a good day everyone, and try to be less afraid to say stuff, you don't know when you will die.
Rest in peace. I never knew you existed until now, but checking some of your previous post in both of your twitter accounts, can't imagine the physical and emotional pain you had felt these last weeks.
Good luck in the afterlife. Thank you for so much, sorry for so little.
Like, i'm closer to reach my mid 30's, haven't visited another country, had a girlfriend, finished a comic, improved my drawing skill, or even then, not visiting enough my nephew.
My legacy is weird, I know that if I die, there will still be people enjoying my doom mod's and stuff.
But, also, I don't feel like i'll be leaving any legacy on the real world as in, couple, friends, family.
Like, I do wonder if anyone will miss me, and at the same time, there are mutuals that I kinda wish I were more open to them to say to them how much I appreciate them (and to some of them, how much I love them, either as artists or platonically)
I am curious what would happen if I die, what would be people's reaction to it, and if anyone would drop a tear over my departure (excluding family).
The part that hate the most, is being aware that the brain is conscious of its passing for half an hour, so even if I do want to die sometimes, I don't want to experience those final 30 minutes.
I want to believe in reincarnation, but at the same time I feel weird thinking that assuming reincarnation exists, my whole mind and personality would be erased on the new body as well, so even if i'm on a new body, I won't be me.
So, yeah, although I do have some cool digital friends, I don't have enough irl friends, you know, those that you can go to their houses and talk about stuff.
I do have some, but they are very few, and they live far away, so it's not like if i can visit them any time I want.
Soooo, yeah, I kinda wish I weere a bit more open to my feelings, I'm afraid to say I love you to people I know, that word sounds weird to me, and I had such terrible experiences as a child while using that word, that i'm afraid to use it and drive people I appreciate away from me, just because i tried to show some affection.
Soo yeah, mutuals I follow, I want you all to know that I really appreciate you and your work, I hope the best in your life and good luck in your future endeavours.
And yeah, there are few mutuals I kida love in a platonic way, sorry I don't have enough courage to tell you what I feel.
I can't identify if the feeling is mutual, I'm hurt and afraid, don't want to lose you, even if we barely talk, i tried, but i don't feel like i'm worthy, my brain boycotts me, so how can you fight an enemy when it lives inside you?
Love you, sorry I won't tell it to you. Sorry that i'm afraid. I want you to be happy, either with or without me, so, yup.
I doubt she would read this, and even then, didn't mentioned her name, so I feel like I was cryptic enough for them to don't know who I am talking about. I'll say I still have a drawing you did of one of my characters on my door for almost a decade. And been using another comission i did as desktop background for the past 5 years.
So yeah, that's the platonic one.
There's also another one, that I kinda wish I were able to be with her like, forever.
We've already met several times irl, went to movies, talked on plazas and stuff, so nice and such a cool person. And cool artist as well.
Yet again, my past experiences and my injured heart, i'm afraid to be more open with her.
So, to you. I have some deep feelings for you, i have a hard time thinking the words to express them.
I don't know, do silly stuff like hugs and hold hands and look at their eyes and tell her she's beautiful without fear.
Feeling her cheek with my hands, silly stuff.
Look at the sky, maybe the clouds or the stars. A breakfast on winter with hot chocolate milk.
Silly stuff.
Anyways, I like your stuff and I hope i get strength to be more vocal about it anyday in the future. Maybe not.
And for my peruvian friend that visited the country for a month and visited him once: I already miss you.
I wish I had more chances to see you while you were here, and I wish I hugged you for longer and told you personally how much I appreciated you (and perhaps kiss you in front of your partner hahaha, totally normal friend stuff)
Anyways, i rambled a lot already.
have a good day everyone, and try to be less afraid to say stuff, you don't know when you will die.
Rest in peace. I never knew you existed until now, but checking some of your previous post in both of your twitter accounts, can't imagine the physical and emotional pain you had felt these last weeks.
Good luck in the afterlife. Thank you for so much, sorry for so little.
