FA+
Shop
Plights, Blights, and Fanciful Flights
18 years ago
General
I have been made privy to a horror whose breadth and magnitude has redefined the bounds of extremity in my mind...
I once upon a time had a friend... or rather, Ally did... as he could not be a friend to me because I am male, and would not tolerate her friendship after she confessed the truth about her player being male. But I do not hold this against him, because he has his reasons...
he has his very, very... very good reasons.
In the first grade, upon receipt of glasses and having worn them for only a period of about thirty minutes, his male classmates proceeded to beat the everloving snot out of him. Yes, because of glasses. This is familliar, isn't it. Then he went home, and his mother proceeded to beat the everloving snot out of him... for breaking his glasses on all those nice boys' fists. This was a daily procedure for him for an entire schoolyear, with rumors quickly arising not only that "he's gay", but also that "his mother has sex with him". ...eventually social services got involved and placed him in a special school where everyone except him was mentally disabled. He was not yet even seven years old.
There are astonishingly few people in this world who see that much of their own blood in their entire lives. There are almost no people in this world who see that much of their own blood before they are seven. There is a distinct possibility that he could be the only one who has seen so much physical abuse in so little time and lived. And it didn't even stop there. I just couldn't bear to hear more of it past then.
He hates men. Boys. Males of any kind. Strangely, he was amicable toward me till the very last time I said "goodbye". I've never thought to think such a thing before in my life... but... i think that if anybody had a good reason for hatred... he'd be the one. Because... he lived it... over and over and over again... and not one damned meatslab homosapien out of all of them was human enough to save him or stop it.
I feel ashamed... for being born as what I am. And I can understand the root of his fear and anger. I'm sure you'd feel mighty intolerant of trucks if they kept running you over. I'm sure you'd come to hate mayonaise if it were force-fed to you by the gallon every hour of every day. I'm sure you'd not be able to stand the sight of needles if someone used one to scratch your arm off through the bicep over the period of several decades, and if you think about it, that's pretty much what happened to him. Because they abused him every day of his life for twenty years since, the part of him that enabled him to possess any sympathy or tolerance for the male half of all life that exists has been amputated.
The fucking system is broken. I'm still praying he was lying to me for drama or sympathy, but even if it did turn out to be fiction, which i'll never be able to find out anyways... it's still practically the single most revolting example of humanity I have ever had the ill fortune to witness vicariously through anyone.
...the least they could've done was put him out of his misery, but now that he can live with this, he has to, until the end.
I may be in the wrong to compare this to nazi prison camps, but this happened in the united fucking states of america where we're supposed to be just and righteous and good... we're just a bunch of gods damned hypocrites!!
...I am no mortal to use the names of any gods or spirits to make any promises I can't keep... but I really wish there were some kind of unanimous judgment I could look to so I could pass the buck like everybody else -.-
... unfortunately, I can't do that... so it falls upon me. What the fuck am I going to do, if any god I could ask would tell me to take up the fight for myself? and what would I fight for? How would I fight...? I wouldn't... I'd end up fighting for nothing, and I'd still be, just as now, just as much of a hypocrite as all the rest...
so ... if for nothing else than the vague, flickering, flagging, fading, dwindling, last ember of hope for anything resembling love or compassion that still exists in this empty husk of a world and all its vaunted, soulless, corrupt societies... please... please... please at least try to be nice... for once, if only for once. ... the last thing this world needs is more excuses to hate or kill. I'm so tired...
...so tired of it all.
I once upon a time had a friend... or rather, Ally did... as he could not be a friend to me because I am male, and would not tolerate her friendship after she confessed the truth about her player being male. But I do not hold this against him, because he has his reasons...
he has his very, very... very good reasons.
In the first grade, upon receipt of glasses and having worn them for only a period of about thirty minutes, his male classmates proceeded to beat the everloving snot out of him. Yes, because of glasses. This is familliar, isn't it. Then he went home, and his mother proceeded to beat the everloving snot out of him... for breaking his glasses on all those nice boys' fists. This was a daily procedure for him for an entire schoolyear, with rumors quickly arising not only that "he's gay", but also that "his mother has sex with him". ...eventually social services got involved and placed him in a special school where everyone except him was mentally disabled. He was not yet even seven years old.
There are astonishingly few people in this world who see that much of their own blood in their entire lives. There are almost no people in this world who see that much of their own blood before they are seven. There is a distinct possibility that he could be the only one who has seen so much physical abuse in so little time and lived. And it didn't even stop there. I just couldn't bear to hear more of it past then.
He hates men. Boys. Males of any kind. Strangely, he was amicable toward me till the very last time I said "goodbye". I've never thought to think such a thing before in my life... but... i think that if anybody had a good reason for hatred... he'd be the one. Because... he lived it... over and over and over again... and not one damned meatslab homosapien out of all of them was human enough to save him or stop it.
I feel ashamed... for being born as what I am. And I can understand the root of his fear and anger. I'm sure you'd feel mighty intolerant of trucks if they kept running you over. I'm sure you'd come to hate mayonaise if it were force-fed to you by the gallon every hour of every day. I'm sure you'd not be able to stand the sight of needles if someone used one to scratch your arm off through the bicep over the period of several decades, and if you think about it, that's pretty much what happened to him. Because they abused him every day of his life for twenty years since, the part of him that enabled him to possess any sympathy or tolerance for the male half of all life that exists has been amputated.
The fucking system is broken. I'm still praying he was lying to me for drama or sympathy, but even if it did turn out to be fiction, which i'll never be able to find out anyways... it's still practically the single most revolting example of humanity I have ever had the ill fortune to witness vicariously through anyone.
...the least they could've done was put him out of his misery, but now that he can live with this, he has to, until the end.
I may be in the wrong to compare this to nazi prison camps, but this happened in the united fucking states of america where we're supposed to be just and righteous and good... we're just a bunch of gods damned hypocrites!!
...I am no mortal to use the names of any gods or spirits to make any promises I can't keep... but I really wish there were some kind of unanimous judgment I could look to so I could pass the buck like everybody else -.-
... unfortunately, I can't do that... so it falls upon me. What the fuck am I going to do, if any god I could ask would tell me to take up the fight for myself? and what would I fight for? How would I fight...? I wouldn't... I'd end up fighting for nothing, and I'd still be, just as now, just as much of a hypocrite as all the rest...
so ... if for nothing else than the vague, flickering, flagging, fading, dwindling, last ember of hope for anything resembling love or compassion that still exists in this empty husk of a world and all its vaunted, soulless, corrupt societies... please... please... please at least try to be nice... for once, if only for once. ... the last thing this world needs is more excuses to hate or kill. I'm so tired...
...so tired of it all.
