Meh, still feeling a bit down. I sometimes do a pic or something to try and calm down but recently been fighting with myself on not to rush things. Ironic considering my amateur artwork. And I guess it just got me thinking of how I got here.

Let's just say, I was not in the right mindset when I started to feel comfortable doing fat/inflation stuff. Some standards weren't quite finalized and trying to get attention. And the outcome? A bad attitude and relying on tracing others sketches for too long, mostly from a certain artist. I did mellow out eventually and became less stubborn, taking peoples advice more seriously like nuke the traced stuff so it's just my own work and making peace to those I've annoyed. And myself after thinking long and hard on why I do this. The answer? Just a hobby. No contest, no trying to upstate someone, and not being desperate for money. Just something to do when I'm in the mood. And finalizing the standards with this stuff. Basically soft porn and older characters only. And then I had a habbit of posting a LOT of stuff. I guess I was trying to make up for lost time after wasting years of that tracing stuff. And finding some comfort, like ya just wanna snuggle with a soft fat fur to relax after dealing with a rough day.

Even so, I still deal with some insecurities. Some days I just don't feel confident in thinking I've changed for the better and assume the worst in thinkingpeople still hate me. Now that I'm in my 30's, I fear that my memory is going bad and thinking I'll end up like my uncle. He was a good man and all, but unfortunately he spent his final years with alzheimer's disease until his death a few years ago

Idk, maybe this stress is mostly from work. Been busy filling in for people for quite some time. Will my art get better and be higher quality? Who knows. As I said this is just hobby stuff so I'm not in that much of a rush with trying to do shading and better backgrounds. I have a personal life and other hobbies I enjoy outside of fetish stuff. Some more active than others.

And that's all I have for this random journal that nobody will read. I'm sure I'll be in a more positive mood down the line but right now, I'm just tired.