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Artistic Journey and other stuff
a year ago
I've wanted to write a journal about something for a while, well it's been a year since the last one already. I'm still not completely sure what the something really is but here's some chaotic writing:
A thought I've had going on in my mind recently is that I feel that I've reached the "level" in (drawn) art which I originally pursued for, the goal which I had set for myself like two decades ago (which I didn't know how long it would take to accomplish). It feels really good, but also surprising! Throughout the years pretty much everyone always claimed that "that goal is fake, you will always feel not good enough", which is weird because it never seemed like that to me, and now that claim definitely seems fake if not even outright harmful to say. Sometimes I wish people would've rather cheered on instead of just criticize, the unnecessarily doubt it created was just a hindrance.
Reaching that goal doesn't mean I can't get better anymore - of course I can, nor does it mean that I wouldn't want to - because of course I do. And most probably I will still keep improving even if I wasn't specifically trying to. However: A certain part of myself now feels very content and free. In my experience, you can only really focus on one main passion at a time. And now I am free to be fully passionate about new goals - that is exciting!! Technical skill is not the only interest I've have, but it's been the biggest aspiration for the past over 20 years (I just love it, can't explain why it's so interesting, because it just is). There are many other things I want to pursue also, some more or less related to visual art. Storytelling is one big one. World building, especially settings that you can immerse into (VR or IRL setups). I've also wanted to learn how to make and play music, the only reason I haven't is that I knew already as a teenager that I would not have the energy and attention span to study both of them alone at the same time. Then there's coding demos, wood crafts and building various structures (which kinda goes into the world building again).
I do want to highlight that none of this has anything to do with my job as an artist, and I wont stop drawing ever! I just want to learn and get better at even more things.
Time will tell when I can actually dedicate time into other passions though, life is currently busy and I can't afford anything but bare living. My cat is still not well, and the news is that she wont be, her condition will now decline until the end, and there is no knowing how many years that means.
Well this journal didn't end with very happy words, oh well.
-Neo
A thought I've had going on in my mind recently is that I feel that I've reached the "level" in (drawn) art which I originally pursued for, the goal which I had set for myself like two decades ago (which I didn't know how long it would take to accomplish). It feels really good, but also surprising! Throughout the years pretty much everyone always claimed that "that goal is fake, you will always feel not good enough", which is weird because it never seemed like that to me, and now that claim definitely seems fake if not even outright harmful to say. Sometimes I wish people would've rather cheered on instead of just criticize, the unnecessarily doubt it created was just a hindrance.
Reaching that goal doesn't mean I can't get better anymore - of course I can, nor does it mean that I wouldn't want to - because of course I do. And most probably I will still keep improving even if I wasn't specifically trying to. However: A certain part of myself now feels very content and free. In my experience, you can only really focus on one main passion at a time. And now I am free to be fully passionate about new goals - that is exciting!! Technical skill is not the only interest I've have, but it's been the biggest aspiration for the past over 20 years (I just love it, can't explain why it's so interesting, because it just is). There are many other things I want to pursue also, some more or less related to visual art. Storytelling is one big one. World building, especially settings that you can immerse into (VR or IRL setups). I've also wanted to learn how to make and play music, the only reason I haven't is that I knew already as a teenager that I would not have the energy and attention span to study both of them alone at the same time. Then there's coding demos, wood crafts and building various structures (which kinda goes into the world building again).
I do want to highlight that none of this has anything to do with my job as an artist, and I wont stop drawing ever! I just want to learn and get better at even more things.
Time will tell when I can actually dedicate time into other passions though, life is currently busy and I can't afford anything but bare living. My cat is still not well, and the news is that she wont be, her condition will now decline until the end, and there is no knowing how many years that means.
Well this journal didn't end with very happy words, oh well.
-Neo
And as for your cat, I hope her remaining time with you is at least happy and full of love. It's the best we can do sometimes.
Currently, I to am trying to think about doing more, but life is indeed busy and time is limited. From what I've learned myself, experimenting with hobbies, dedicate one day out of the week, just for an hour or so, to focus on just that thing. Worst case scenario, you're still happy with what you currently do, but keep whatever that is in mind. Rest assured, the opportunity will make itself know.
At least that's how I feel. I don't know, but I hope my insight helps! ^^
Just remember to enjoy the journey and every little point of improvement that happens.
For what it's worth, I look up to you a ton as an artist and I love seeing your work come across my feeds. Hope to eventually commission ya myself someday, when I'm in a reasonable position to do so. c:
Also thanks, I remember you've been around for a long time too :D