Hey Amrien,

I am so sorry to read what you are going through, I truly wish I knew what to do to get things where they should be. World is definitely not ideal, hasn't been for a long time, and even getting to somewhere stable is a true struggle. Be kind to yourself, do not call yourself broken.

Have you tried going to a therapist at any point? Will admit it's something I need to do as well and have been behind on getting that sorted. If it's something that you have been struggling with for so long, seeking a professional might be a true need at this point. Which I understand may be out of reach financially, but there is no shame in asking for help in that regard too.

I truly hope you find a way to get to a proper good place sooner. Take care where you can, will be thinking of you.

I'm trying to but life hasn't allowed me to be any form of stable for a long time. Everytime I start to get better and do things for myself, I get it turned upside down for me and I have to backtrack and try to get somewhere else before I get into debt.

I'm currently working on getting money to use medicare to get the care and treatment I need to feel better

:c
whats makes you feel stressed and such?
if you want we can talk in dms ❤️

Ive got a lot of experience with being stressed out myself lately, so maybe i can help a little 🌸

I just think I need someone to sort my thoughts out and try and help me fix my inability to function. I've been real... odd and unable to sleep and I just crash into downspirals at the drop of a hat.

Stress can do a lot to a person, it could maybe help to look for a psychologist, they tend to be really good at those things ^^
or just poke me in dms ^^ i'm always glad to listen and give you my personal thought on things, how i think you could improve the situation and such ^^

I had this a couple years ago. It doesnt last forever, i cant tell you what exactly fixed mine.. but i CAN tell you looking to the past doesnt really help

"What happened before, that's different now? Should i go back and relive it?"

Imean.. it might work for you.. but for me i just felt even more colorless doing things i remember being awesome.. only for it to ruin the original memory

Youre not broken. It seems like it for a few months. But youll be alright. Take a sec to look around, who is closest to you in life? And what things in life are you probably better off removing? Such as a toxic person in your circle, a bad habit you could tackle, a wardrobe update?

Perhaps a few sessions sat out in the yard with a coffee or tea, just you, and the outdoors, trying to keep stressful thoughts out.. observing the WORLD only.. the way the trees move in the breeze..

Trying to list some of the things i tried and found great success with. Idk if theyll be great for you, everyones built different afterall

But yeah.. sorry to hear youre in this headspace, it really is a horrid state..

I've been trying to move on for 3 years. It's just bad things keep happening. not a single year has gone by without a few or more bad things happening to me. I'd rather not go through the details... but I just need a period in my life where good things happen. I haven't been having that. I had one good thing happen to me recently which helped but then it all came crashing down again with my dad's cancer coming back. That's just the most recent development...

Call or text me anytime you need company. You're a good noodle.

I appreciate the desire to help. This is just a message to people to tell them I'm in a worse state than before. It seems my mental state keeps detreating the longer I go without the help I need. I'm actively pursuing help and medication for myself.

Amrien, I have come to know you to be a person with such a big heart and always giving it your all to your friends and family. Some hills are mountains, but you don't know until you're climbing. I am hopeful that you find the help you need to overcome. Someone to help guide you to breathing room to allow yourself the time to feel all the emotions and process it all. I know I can't be the guide you need or deserve, but hopefully I can be a small part of the healing process should you need me.

Well, you are not insane, your not doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. You are trying things. So, No, not insane.

As for laying in bed all day. As long as its not interfering with things that will keep you alive, fed, and sheltered. there is no harm in it. My only advice is keeping the phone away from the bed if only so you don't get into the dopamine feedback loop.

As far as something nice happening to you: Here is a digital hug from a friend: *Hug.* Does it solve the problems. No. But it at least something nice.

When one feels warm and positive, the filters break down, and a bit more of ourselves come out. Sometimes, people don't like what they see. However, if they are understanding and try to understand that part they don't, they are worth keeping around.


As for ending up alone in your head, This is a good time to make an art. What kind of art? any kind. Make some angry scribbles. Bite on paper, unfurl it, then mark on it. put paint on your hand and slap it against a page nice and hard like its fine and consenting dragon butt. Put paint on the butt, sit on a canvas.

Is it good? who cares. As long as you get the feeling you want out, out then it has done its job.

Don't know what you need to do? Keep a note pad next to you bed, write down whats keeping you up. wait a week, look at it again, see if anything is still relevant. Then do that. IF this doesn't work. don't fret. You are no failure. It just means this method does not work for you. Then try something else. The important part is that you are trying. As long as you don't give up, then you have not failed.