This has been a particularly weird year. In fact, it's been particularly weird the past several. Having been watching friends and family grow older, growing together, growing apart. Seeing how folks have had rifts tear relationships apart and how those same events have brought others closer together. And now witnessing several folks passing away here in the fandom, you really start to see the kind of legacy they've left in their wake. Good, bad, indifferent, there's always someone there to tell the tale of how 'So and so did this and such.' How 'This person really was a great person to be around', or 'I couldn't stand them because of this kind of incident.' Or incidents. Notoriety and fame follow those that have woven themselves so fully into this silly little fandom that many of us have called home for years.

And it's... it's almost heartbreaking that truly, you never will know the scope of your involvement. No one ever really gets to see the end result of their time invested in something like this unless they walk away from it prematurely. And even then that's kind of nebulous because all you get are the end comments of well wishes or indifferent goodbyes. You don't get to know how much you touched someone's life in a profound way. Or how reviled and vilified you were towards others because of disagreements or differing opinions. It is so easy to live in the moment, and to live as you are now without worrying or thinking about how you will be remembered. I think some folk don't care too much, because they don't want to leave that kind of a footprint. And others care too much because self-image is important. Perhaps too important. But I wonder if it's possible to walk a line that follows both?

I do wonder at times what folk think of me. What friends and enemies have to say alike. What I've done here within the fandom that'll be remembered at the end of my time here. Do I get to be someone that's fondly remembered by a close few? Do I get to be remembered as that guy that was always sad and depressed and couldn't ever really put his best foot forward? How many folk have I talked to who have tried to be friendly to me and I've curtly dismissed them because I was having far too many bad days? I lost touch with because I'm terrible at communication on the regular? I don't know. I don't know what footprint I'll leave, both in this fandom and in my family's line. I have no counterpart, nor do I have children to pass a legacy onto. When I pass on, that'll be the end of the journey, with nothing from me continuing except for the memories I've ingrained into others. Good, bad, or indifferent.

I don't write this to have folk tell me what they think of me. That's not what this is for. I write this because I wanted to parse through my thoughts on this. On legacy. I do want my legacy to have some kind of positive influence. It can't be grandiose, but hopefully it can be a little more than just a passing note. I would love to have my friends think about me with fondness when I've long left this place and moved onto the next realm of being. Or unbeing. I don't know what that next stage is when our bodies finally give out. I hope it's something ethereal and incredibly awesome. I would love to travel the universe and see everything there is out there.

There has been a saying I've wanted to put on my tombstone, if I have one, when I pass away. It's been forever stuck inside my head since the first time I played Chrono Trigger.

'This Creature Sleeps Beyond the Flow of Time.'