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a year ago
TRIGGER WARNING! mentions of cancer and death!
Hey! It's been a while since my last journal, and i have a few updates and whatnot.
I know I haven't been posting much recently, and it's not for not having stuff to post. I have like another 20 art fight pieces I gotta go through and post, but things have been really shitty for me lately and i just haven't had time to even think about posting.
About a month ago my mom got diagnosed with a large brain tumor, she'd been having problems for a while and insurance never covered any tests the doctors ordered. but we went to the ER and got diagnosed. She had the surgery a couple days later, and between the type of cancer and complications of surgery, she wasn't going to make it. She was put on hospice for a few days and she finally passed, pain free, about a week ago.
Since then it's been a lot of scrambling on my dad and I's parts trying to find all the information and sort things out because she's the one that managed bills and family paperwork. I think things are finally settling down... I'm just so tired. This all feels like one bad nightmare that I can't wake up from...
The dumb thing is she probably only had this cancer for maybe a year, it's one of those super aggressive, near impossible to treat ones. Even if we didn't do surgery she probably only would've had a couple months anyway, and she'd be suffering all that while. In a way I'm glad she passed when she did, cause now she isn't suffering anymore. But I still really miss her. I just keep replaying in my head what she said the couple days before her surgery: "I don't need to make a last will and testament, I'm going to get better.".
The memory of her wailing in agony as they took the drains out of her head and stapled the holes shut will be burned into my mind for the rest of my life... I probably should've left the room while they did that, but I didn't want her to go through that alone... Even if she wasn't fully aware I was there...
Sorry for venting and i guess trauma dumping. I just need to get this out. If you read this, thank you. If you didn't read this, thanks anyway for stopping by.
Hey! It's been a while since my last journal, and i have a few updates and whatnot.
I know I haven't been posting much recently, and it's not for not having stuff to post. I have like another 20 art fight pieces I gotta go through and post, but things have been really shitty for me lately and i just haven't had time to even think about posting.
About a month ago my mom got diagnosed with a large brain tumor, she'd been having problems for a while and insurance never covered any tests the doctors ordered. but we went to the ER and got diagnosed. She had the surgery a couple days later, and between the type of cancer and complications of surgery, she wasn't going to make it. She was put on hospice for a few days and she finally passed, pain free, about a week ago.
Since then it's been a lot of scrambling on my dad and I's parts trying to find all the information and sort things out because she's the one that managed bills and family paperwork. I think things are finally settling down... I'm just so tired. This all feels like one bad nightmare that I can't wake up from...
The dumb thing is she probably only had this cancer for maybe a year, it's one of those super aggressive, near impossible to treat ones. Even if we didn't do surgery she probably only would've had a couple months anyway, and she'd be suffering all that while. In a way I'm glad she passed when she did, cause now she isn't suffering anymore. But I still really miss her. I just keep replaying in my head what she said the couple days before her surgery: "I don't need to make a last will and testament, I'm going to get better.".
The memory of her wailing in agony as they took the drains out of her head and stapled the holes shut will be burned into my mind for the rest of my life... I probably should've left the room while they did that, but I didn't want her to go through that alone... Even if she wasn't fully aware I was there...
Sorry for venting and i guess trauma dumping. I just need to get this out. If you read this, thank you. If you didn't read this, thanks anyway for stopping by.
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Omg I am so sorry about your mom. *hugs* That sounds really difficult. It's okay not having things to post, sometimes life gets in the way. Take care of yourself. ♥
