I failed economics and there is no way to get a passing grade for the semester. I’ll have to take it next semester. Today I got kicked off of the debate team, the only school organized event I love. The only extra curricular I have to my name. I’ve been doing this for 3 years in high school and 3 years in middle school. I usually don’t publicize this, in lieu of sounding like a cocky bastard, but damn I’m good. Why else would I be a 3 year state qualifier, captain of the Forensics team, and personal critiquing aid of the coach?

Due to taking economics again next semester, the only open class is sixth period if I’m taking government during second. This means I have to drop out of AP Chemistry. The class I love, the subject I’m basing my career off of, and the teacher who has inspired me. I could take the economics course online, but that costs $200, doesn’t include Waldon’s leniency, and my parents said they can’t spend any more money.

Since I failed, my at home consequence is that I’m grounded all of the Winter break. I’ll be home for 11 out of the 17 days we have off. 6 of those days will be spent visiting family in Arkansas for the holidays. 3 out of the 6 day vacation, will be solely my father and me and his family. 7 hours out of those 3 days will be me being lectured by him in a confined space, limiting no escape unless I’m willing to sacrifice my mortality to the interstate.

Unrelated to my economics grade: I almost got hit by a car Sunday morning coming out of Andrea’s neighborhood. It was super foggy, and I didn’t see any cars AT ALL when I pulled out, but some douche had his lights off. Later, on the drive home, I get my first speeding ticket on 75 for going 20 over. I was trying to grab gas, get home early, and surprise my dad by starting to study for exams earlier. Two days ago, my dad barges in and yells at me asking me why I didn’t tell him about the wreck I got into. I haven’t gotten into a wreck, but apparently someone hit my car and I never knew it. I come home today after school and the wireless is blocked. I go to use my mom’s computer and after exiting the screensaver, outlook is the program on top and the last read email was one from Mr Abronowitz responding to his email to verify that I went to his chem tutoring after school. Because he doesn’t trust me, and I knew it. I called it! I told my mom, and she said I was overevaluating and she knows him best and he trusts me. Ffffs. I called my brother after all of this. I just needed to talk to someone. But he's strict with me on the phone. I leave him a voicemail afterwards. He doesn't return my call. Guuh.

Goddamnit, this is so hard to type because it is so many big and sucky things that have been happening and writing it all down helps but it hurts.My hands are salty from wiping my eyes and my nose is drizzling and has that swollen feeling. It’s all my fault though. I’m the one who failed, who chose not to do my work. I should have seen this coming and I deserve every last one of these consequences. Doesn’t mean I can’t cry about it though.

Tonight for homework I have to complete a theology review, do the blue book problems with AP questions from previous test in chemistry, do ChemSkill builder units (6, 7, 10 and the appendix), the chapter 5 study questions, write a Richard III essay, sign a permission form, and find $15 for the field trip tomorrow. As for chemistry, I’m not taking that class next semester anyway, so what’s the point? English: I’m passing with a B so it’s not like it matters. I can do the theology review, that’s easy. And getting the money and form signed is nothing. Just another addition to why I don’t like myself.