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Update 2024-09-27
a year ago
Boy...how does one start a letter such as this?
Perhaps; "Where have I been all this time?" yes, that may be it.
As many of you know, My Ma passed to the Great Maker's arms in 2018, and the following year I had to do something again so painful I dreaded it but finally I let my best friend go from the damned cancer that was slowly killing her. They say the reaper causes pain, but he also takes away pain.
That's the only thing that kept me going. She was out of pain, and not suffering even if I was being ripped apart, especially by the Wampus cat aspect of me. Constantly calling me a murderer, it wasn't time, etc.
They say at times, one is born, then they are 'reborn.' People of the Christian faith say that, but I left the Church, and all the dogma when I was far younger ("When I wore a younger girl's clothes" to paraphrase Billy Joel.) But there is logic, and truth to the term 'reborn'
I have been in purgatory all this time, fighting tooth and hoof for every scrap of achievement I've now achieved. Gone down many a dark path, wandered into woods deep, and black, only to finally stumble back thirsty and hungry for the light that will point me to the right way. The Maker is NOT making this easy for me, by any means. I hold no animosity toward this, for I know ultimately it will make me stronger, wiser, and more vicious a fighter. I am tired, but surprisingly I've been finding something strange. All the anger, and rage I kept inside, to manifest as the Wampus Cat, has dissipated and I fear life less and less, for now I'm starting to see it as a gift.
I have a focus now so bright it illuminates my entire life, for my spotted angel has been there, at my side all this time. Now, everything I do, I have to do is for her.
So this brings me to the current day; I promised Ma two things on her deathbed, a) I will become an appraiser, and b) get my BA.
I tried, worked and got all my classes and on the verge of achieving this. The rug was yanked out from under my hooves, and I fell flat on my face. The market had locked up so badly, that NO ONE is hiring any new trainee. They're barely getting any work to support themselves. The experts say it may be 2028 before it thaws completely. I can't wait that long.
I tried Ma, I know your by my side, watching me and understand but this is another blow to me.
So in the last couple of months, I've changed gears, and starting the path toward an IT career of some sort. At the moment, the path is foggy, I can't make out what is ahead of me, but with my spotted angel at my side, I know one thing.
No matter what, I'm pushing forward and I will do what ever it takes to make this happen. I will get my own home, land, and animal companions at my side. I can see that far at least, nothing else matters, and I ask the Maker continuously that I can do this before Ember is taking back to him, leaving me alone.
Yes there will be other animal companions, but none can replace my spotted angel.
Now that I've board you, I'll let you back to what ever was occupying your time.
Perhaps; "Where have I been all this time?" yes, that may be it.
As many of you know, My Ma passed to the Great Maker's arms in 2018, and the following year I had to do something again so painful I dreaded it but finally I let my best friend go from the damned cancer that was slowly killing her. They say the reaper causes pain, but he also takes away pain.
That's the only thing that kept me going. She was out of pain, and not suffering even if I was being ripped apart, especially by the Wampus cat aspect of me. Constantly calling me a murderer, it wasn't time, etc.
They say at times, one is born, then they are 'reborn.' People of the Christian faith say that, but I left the Church, and all the dogma when I was far younger ("When I wore a younger girl's clothes" to paraphrase Billy Joel.) But there is logic, and truth to the term 'reborn'
I have been in purgatory all this time, fighting tooth and hoof for every scrap of achievement I've now achieved. Gone down many a dark path, wandered into woods deep, and black, only to finally stumble back thirsty and hungry for the light that will point me to the right way. The Maker is NOT making this easy for me, by any means. I hold no animosity toward this, for I know ultimately it will make me stronger, wiser, and more vicious a fighter. I am tired, but surprisingly I've been finding something strange. All the anger, and rage I kept inside, to manifest as the Wampus Cat, has dissipated and I fear life less and less, for now I'm starting to see it as a gift.
I have a focus now so bright it illuminates my entire life, for my spotted angel has been there, at my side all this time. Now, everything I do, I have to do is for her.
So this brings me to the current day; I promised Ma two things on her deathbed, a) I will become an appraiser, and b) get my BA.
I tried, worked and got all my classes and on the verge of achieving this. The rug was yanked out from under my hooves, and I fell flat on my face. The market had locked up so badly, that NO ONE is hiring any new trainee. They're barely getting any work to support themselves. The experts say it may be 2028 before it thaws completely. I can't wait that long.
I tried Ma, I know your by my side, watching me and understand but this is another blow to me.
So in the last couple of months, I've changed gears, and starting the path toward an IT career of some sort. At the moment, the path is foggy, I can't make out what is ahead of me, but with my spotted angel at my side, I know one thing.
No matter what, I'm pushing forward and I will do what ever it takes to make this happen. I will get my own home, land, and animal companions at my side. I can see that far at least, nothing else matters, and I ask the Maker continuously that I can do this before Ember is taking back to him, leaving me alone.
Yes there will be other animal companions, but none can replace my spotted angel.
Now that I've board you, I'll let you back to what ever was occupying your time.
You've shared a TON of very good information and wisdom about Life, Death, and all the many struggles that we face and have to deal with (or not?), in-between!
Never giving up is a valid reason to fight. As you mentioned, sometimes Life slaps us down with a lethal ailment that we cannot defeat/surmount/recover from. Making that decision to go out on our own terms is something I believe every human has an inherent Right to, and I have no issue with folks suffering from such terminal illnesses/conditions flipping the Fates/Stygian Witches "The Bird" and taking the next flight to the other side!
Nice to see you are not letting the closed doors stop you! Nothing we learn is ever truly wasted. It's hugely important that we KEEP learning! Broaden out knowledge and experiences is such a wise tactic in living in an oft-changing world!
Nice to see and hear from ya again!
We're mid-dive into the 'Silly Season' again (aka 'The Holidays'), so stuffs just gonna get interesting/chaotic no matter what!
Vix
At any rate, glad you're still around. Take care of yourself and take it a step at a time.
Regards, W.V.D.K.
"Behold the turtle... who only makes progress when he sticks his neck out." As much as we'd like to pull inside our shells and let the world pass by for a while... it's just not a quality viable option.
Lastly... a song for you. https://www.bing.com/videos/search?.....amp;ajaxhist=0