Here's an explanation for why I haven't been here for awhile...

The three phrases I've used this week are: "I love you more than anything," "You're a blindsighted prick, and the only reason you can't see how I feel is because you're ignorant to every emotion around you but your own," and "FUCK!"

If you can't tell, I'm having a terrible week. My parents have taken my phone, my computer, and pretty much all contact with my friends that isn't face-to-face. Why? Because I just so happen to be in love with someone in a different state, who is two years older than me. This is against the law apparently, and against everything my parents stand for, and they refuse to understand it. Story of my goddamn, motherfucking life. I've been meaning to see a therapist for some time, but now seems to be a better time for me. My dad comes in, and asks if he can use the computer on Sunday. Being his son, and also not afraid of him, I let him do that. Nothing bad can come of this, right? He just needs to check his email...Nothing bad can come of this, right? HAHAHAHA! FUCKING WRONG! He decides "Oh, well I'm just gonna look through Ben's chat windows," and what should he see, but love conversation between me and my boy. Fuck...Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! My thoughts are racing, and I need to bullshit something up to get myself out of trouble. Well, seeing as there is no other solution, I tell him the truth. +1 points for me. He hits the roof; -20 points for me...So I tell him "Keenan is my boyfriend in Connecticut," and he's all 'OH WELL YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DATING!' which is a lie. I thought he lifted the ban from me, so apparently my mistake. Anyway, I told him that I wouldn't give him up, so my dad takes my phone, as though some how an ultimatium will get him his respect. Fucking cuntlicker. That didn't work on me. I told him. "You cannot keep me away from him," so he pretty much grounds me from everything I deemed important, besides my music. So now, it's a race to see if he'll make me break down on my knees and go "OH WISE AND OMNIPOTENT GOD OF A FATHER! I DO NOT LOVE THE ONE THEY CALL KEENAN ANYMORE!!!!" Fucker. In your dreams, bastard. Considering what he's put me through as far as my being gay, being different, being atheist, being everything he isn't goes, he fucking owes me one, but since he's the "Alpha Male," I should be willing to cut off my cock for him. That bitch ain't getting squat. So now he's like "I love you and I want what's best for you," and I'm like "You're a fucking liar. You want what's best for me? Then let me be myself! Stop degrading me! Stop making me feel less important!" It got to the point where I ran out of the house and cried for about a half hour. I got cold, and went back, and sat in my room and cried till it was 10 at night. My dad told me to shut the hell up, and I gave him the finger and he just turned around and stormed off. I decided that all this crying was just making me miserable, so I tried to watch some TV to maybe lighten my heart a little bit. I've never laughed while I cried before. Tears have rolled down my eyes while laughing, but never sad tears. Anyway, this week is just shit. The whole thing: shit. I have to go onto my school computers to talk to my boyfriend, and that's harder than it seems. He's the only one making this week slightly bearable. And when ever I talk to him, my problems just melt away. Keenan, I love you. -sighs- I just want this to be over with...And if that isn't bad enough, I'm getting D's in certain classes for things outside of my control. I hate this. I hate everything right now...and I don't even have my friends to comfort me...