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[Vent! Aaaa run!] NoThanksgiving
a year ago
>>>If this journal is before 2020, I was younger than 18 and experienced a lot of neurological trauma :woozy_face:
>>>If this journal is before 2022 August 17th this was before I was a furry!
>>>If this journal is before 2022 August 17th this was before I was a furry!
Get it? Because it's like "no thanks, no more"!
So since I'm Canadian, we have thanksgiving a month and change earlier than our neighbours to the south. If I remember correctly - to give more room before Christmas season.
Anyways you're free to click off now uwu extended and potentially upsetting lore is below
Mhmmmmmm
Anyways, this one was QUITE the doozy. Mother was, really showing her authoritative style... Like my expectations were low but *holy scheiße*. She was hella insistent on me coming out of my room (was feeling down and just, didn't want to until I felt ready, didn't tell her this and acted tired instead), which created some tension.
She has 100% acknowledged how I now withdraw from family stuff and especially her, and I imagine she was really trying to "keep us together", but "under her umbrella". She's questioned about my withdraw but I give nonsensical or simple answers because she simply isn't mature enough, and she pretty much objectifies me anyways, as I'll soon mention lol
Anyways, she was screaming my name, wanting me to be in the living room (even though my room is barely a walk away). And like, I felt like I had nothing to add, say, or do, and I didn't want to bug her and everyone else with me watching videos so I simply reclined back to my room after she demanded I eat some pre-Thanksgiving dinner food. I kept my door open so I could hear wnd talk with her if she genuinely needed me.
At some point she threatens to take my phone so I simply go sit on the stairs. I wouldn't let her obviously take my phone, but if I had a nickel everytime she has threatened me with this since moving for forceful authoritative controlling reasons and nothing else, I'd have 2 - which isn't a lot but concerningly a lot for someone who's an adult and 22 years of age who uses it for things beyond watching videos... And that's where I say she objectifies me - I'm nothing more than a resource, a toy to her, property she can manipulate and shape to her liking. She really doesn't like my gradual withdraw from her (which I do because of her BS)
Eventually Thanksgiving dinner is *actually* ready and she demands me to come over. It's less tense, she askes me what I want and so (I would've been more than willing to fill my own plate but aight), and I go to eat. When we finish and we start cleaning up, she literally verbatim goes: "we're playing games after we clean up, everybody must participate" - and it's like... Wtf?
Fortunately she went to "rest and digest" and didn't appear until several hours later which by then I fell asleep - so I feel like I avoided a bullet of insanity there, as much as I can avoid anyways...
This type of behaviour is exhausting me to absolute hell. This is why, if anyone has reached this part, to why I barely RP or anything, crap like this lmao. Escaping is too difficult as I am losing more and more privacy with my mother's shenanigans to keep me, I lack the resources or even direction to just go anywhere that's enough of a home, and taking any measures to actually escape or even set boundaries gets questioned and made in fun of by my mother... All while she tries to make my family turn against me through the mockery or blaming me for things that go wrong. Most of my family realizes, but some are impressionable or don't care and have flip-flopping opinions as a result.
Like one time I locked my door and she for an entire week passively aggressively and if people were around, loudly interrogated me about it, asking if I was doing illegal stuff or making "weird porn"... I just gave neutral or "uh yeah sure" types of answers to not let her get to me lmfao.
This is also also why I've been a lot more quiet on Discord and so, just, too tired n stressed to even think. At this very moment I am quite ready to put the coat on the rack, give up, and accept this is how it do be, and do a certain last thing of activity to self that's viewer discretion is advised.
Too exhausted to get a job to get money and community to escape, no IRL friends to quickly escape to (even if they too had the resources), and too anxious and exhausted to do stuff that could help with a potential escape plan (especially with mother's overreaching). "Woe is me" LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO
T'was a good run :3 had my fun and laughed and so
Anyways thanks for reading or skipping here for a TL;DR, I appreciate either.
TL;DR is that I am super exhausted by family and why I'm not talking or RPing as much lul
So since I'm Canadian, we have thanksgiving a month and change earlier than our neighbours to the south. If I remember correctly - to give more room before Christmas season.
Anyways you're free to click off now uwu extended and potentially upsetting lore is below
Mhmmmmmm
Anyways, this one was QUITE the doozy. Mother was, really showing her authoritative style... Like my expectations were low but *holy scheiße*. She was hella insistent on me coming out of my room (was feeling down and just, didn't want to until I felt ready, didn't tell her this and acted tired instead), which created some tension.
She has 100% acknowledged how I now withdraw from family stuff and especially her, and I imagine she was really trying to "keep us together", but "under her umbrella". She's questioned about my withdraw but I give nonsensical or simple answers because she simply isn't mature enough, and she pretty much objectifies me anyways, as I'll soon mention lol
Anyways, she was screaming my name, wanting me to be in the living room (even though my room is barely a walk away). And like, I felt like I had nothing to add, say, or do, and I didn't want to bug her and everyone else with me watching videos so I simply reclined back to my room after she demanded I eat some pre-Thanksgiving dinner food. I kept my door open so I could hear wnd talk with her if she genuinely needed me.
At some point she threatens to take my phone so I simply go sit on the stairs. I wouldn't let her obviously take my phone, but if I had a nickel everytime she has threatened me with this since moving for forceful authoritative controlling reasons and nothing else, I'd have 2 - which isn't a lot but concerningly a lot for someone who's an adult and 22 years of age who uses it for things beyond watching videos... And that's where I say she objectifies me - I'm nothing more than a resource, a toy to her, property she can manipulate and shape to her liking. She really doesn't like my gradual withdraw from her (which I do because of her BS)
Eventually Thanksgiving dinner is *actually* ready and she demands me to come over. It's less tense, she askes me what I want and so (I would've been more than willing to fill my own plate but aight), and I go to eat. When we finish and we start cleaning up, she literally verbatim goes: "we're playing games after we clean up, everybody must participate" - and it's like... Wtf?
Fortunately she went to "rest and digest" and didn't appear until several hours later which by then I fell asleep - so I feel like I avoided a bullet of insanity there, as much as I can avoid anyways...
This type of behaviour is exhausting me to absolute hell. This is why, if anyone has reached this part, to why I barely RP or anything, crap like this lmao. Escaping is too difficult as I am losing more and more privacy with my mother's shenanigans to keep me, I lack the resources or even direction to just go anywhere that's enough of a home, and taking any measures to actually escape or even set boundaries gets questioned and made in fun of by my mother... All while she tries to make my family turn against me through the mockery or blaming me for things that go wrong. Most of my family realizes, but some are impressionable or don't care and have flip-flopping opinions as a result.
Like one time I locked my door and she for an entire week passively aggressively and if people were around, loudly interrogated me about it, asking if I was doing illegal stuff or making "weird porn"... I just gave neutral or "uh yeah sure" types of answers to not let her get to me lmfao.
This is also also why I've been a lot more quiet on Discord and so, just, too tired n stressed to even think. At this very moment I am quite ready to put the coat on the rack, give up, and accept this is how it do be, and do a certain last thing of activity to self that's viewer discretion is advised.
Too exhausted to get a job to get money and community to escape, no IRL friends to quickly escape to (even if they too had the resources), and too anxious and exhausted to do stuff that could help with a potential escape plan (especially with mother's overreaching). "Woe is me" LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO
T'was a good run :3 had my fun and laughed and so
Anyways thanks for reading or skipping here for a TL;DR, I appreciate either.
TL;DR is that I am super exhausted by family and why I'm not talking or RPing as much lul
thank you for explaining what's going on! we're not giving up on you. there might not be any *ideal* options, but there are quite a few that are better. and you deserve better! (and yeah, i'd normally just respond to you on Discord, but this felt important to reply to you here too.)
