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Life Update
a year ago
Hewwoooo~ So I know I haven't been very active or talkative online much recently, so I though I'd give a little update about whats currently going on in my life, thoughts about things and plans for the future. Don't really know if anyone out there really cares about this sorta stuff, but its here if you wanna read it!
WORK LIFE
You guys might have noticed my slowdown on posting art. Truth be told, I still draw a LOT every day, but I wanna say that 80% of what I draw now is mostly NDA work and work related art, so its not really stuff I can post in my gallery. I've also been decreasing my time at my work desk. I can't draw for 12 hours a day every day like I used to as a spry young lad. Right now I can only sit down for about 5 hours max until my body starts screaming at me to get up and exercise. The joys of aging right? But I also think it might be my terrible desk setup that might also be causing the pain (planning to replace my flimsy table and uncomfortable chair soon). But yeah these reasons are why I can only manage to maybe post one new thing a week or even biweekly now. I do want to go back to increasing the frequency though, so hopefully a new desk setup will help with that.
Sometimes people still ask me about commissions. Well, I believe I mentioned this in a past journal, but any free time I get from work, I honestly would rather work on my own art for my projects than take commissions. Once in a while, if theres a slowdown at work, I miiiiight be able to squeeze in a couple commissions here and there, but 95% of the time my price quotes tend to scare off people anyway lol. I charge the same as I do for my freelance rates, but I understand that it might seem "overpriced" for someone who is only looking for art of their OC or something. But what I do for work allows me to live comfortably, so I just don't feel compelled to take commissions anymore. Plus I've been so jaded from underselling and dealing with bad clients for so many years that commission work has kinda left a sour taste in my mouth, especially since I was overworking and barely making ends meet. Instead, I want to work on making art thats more "accessible" for people, like digital files and merch to buy. I just feel like its more rewarding to make something that multiple people can enjoy rather than drawing a specific thing for one person. This doesn't mean I'm done with commissions forever, but its more of like a "once in a very long while if someone comes up to me with an idea that aligns with my specific interests" kinda thing lol.
SOCIAL MEDIA
Oh yeah this.... So yeah, I think I've gotten to the point where I just absolutely cannot care about social media whatsoever. xD I've been updating and posting to my social medias regularly for like the past decade now, mainly to satiate the "algorithm overlords". Otherwise everyone will forget you exist, right? But now I just can't be fucked to do anything on there other than check/respond to messages, post maybe, then leave. I even have a Bluesky (site that everyone flocked to after Twitter fucked ppl over once again) that I just cant be bothered to post on either. Over the past 10 years, being social media savvy never really helped me make any new everlasting friendships or improve my art business, which is the only reason I kept maintaining it. Like hoping it would lead to something. But it literally hasn't grown in the past few years. Unless I bent over backwards and chased every trend to get the algorithm to favor me, I knew it wasn't going to grow. The more I dwelled on it, the worse I felt about myself, but eventually something in me just snapped and was like, why care? Numbers are completely valueless to me. What I do crave though is more meaningful feedback, but with the way social media is set up, that rarely ever happens, so it just seems pointless.
I still post to social media occasionally, but its only for those who still follow me on those sites that want to keep up with my art. I dunno, I feel like social media is just getting more useless and shittier for artists now (especially with rampant art theft/bots/AI everywhere). There are many other alternate avenues you can take if you want to join an art community or make connections with art peers.
IRL
Sooo.. another thing thats kinda been taking up a lot of my time has been, well, house hunting. xD I'm so tired of throwing money out the window from renting and just want to live somewhere that feels more permanent than temporary. Over the years I've managed to save up a hefty amount for a downpay from living frugal and I feel like I'm ready. I know buying a house in this day and age is terribly difficult, especially in the expensive ass West Coast US AND buying as a single person, but with how the market is, I feel like it'll be downright impossible later if I keep waiting (and if i had a nickel for every person who told me "you can live anywhere to do your job, just move to a cheap country and buy a mansion!", lemme just say its not that simple. |D). I dont even need anything fancy, just a cute, quiet little place so I can do my gay art in peace (and not worry about landlords/management being assholes).
I've also been touching grass and going out more often. I'm getting old now, so its just not healthy for me to be a homebody sitting all day on a computer. I used to be like that a few years ago and it took a toll on me mentally and physically. After changing my bad habits, I stopped feeling like shit all the time and now I feel happier and healthier. Another reason why I havent been online too much either haha.
The only thing I'm kinda missing in my life right now is.. a friend circle? I kinda have scattered acquaintances I talk to occasionally, but I feel like I don't really have "friends" to do stuff with anymore. Over time, I came to the realization that I am a very difficult person to make friends with. Whenever someone is too chummy with me, I keep thinking theres an ulterior motive behind it. I'm awful at keeping in touch with old friends (due to me thinking I'll 'annoy' them if I initiate contact first), so eventually we drift off. I'm also an "energy feeder", so if I talk to someone who is low energy or doesn't talk much (reoccuring problem with making artist friends tbh xD), I usually just dip out of the convo. I'm also extremely paranoid and don't trust easily. So I really blame myself for being so isolated and pushing people away from me. Deep down though, I do desire companionship and friends, but its hard for me to find people I click with. I kinda wonder if its a bit too late for me now to make new friends since it seems like everyone already has an established "circle" but I've kinda gotten used to the "lone wolf" life, so maybe its not so bad. Don't take it as me being completely closed off though, I'm always open to welcoming new people in my life (I just have a hard exterior to get through xD).
So if I can somehow achieve that, I feel like everything will finally feel... stable, and I can finally focus on my projects and other things I've wanted to do once this life hurdle is out of the way.
STUFF FOR THE FUTURE. DISCORD? STREAMING?
As for projects, right now I'm still working on writing The Incubus Prince, and I'm close to finishing Part 1! Eventually I'll make a cover for it and I'll try to see how I can upload it online to share (just gotta fix all my dyslexic writing errors xD). Theres currently 4 parts, but ironically the pictures I've been drawing are mostly for Part 4 haha (thats basically Sky's relationship arc with Keith lol, but Keith doesnt appear in the other parts). I also have lots of other projects in the works, many of which involve old characters that I want to bring back to life, but I kinda wanna see where I'll be in the future before committing to them. The Incubus Prince is the one I want to prioritize atm. I'm also still doing Goat Propaganda stuff, but that'll be an on and off thing when I'm feel like doing small scale things. xD
Truth be told, I've been doing most of my socialization on Discord nowadays. Its just easier to communicate with people when its just right there. I've been debating about making a Discord server for myself (I have Nitro, so i feel like i should put it to some use xD) so that people could communicate/keep up with me easier, but it seems like EVERY artist has a Discord server now and I don't really know what I'd be doing different. I kinda weighted the cons of having one too (server going dead socially, having to deal with drama/trolls in channels, ect) so I kinda backed out on the idea. I always felt awkward joining artist centric Discords myself, especially if its an artist I dont even follow or know. I feel more comfortable talking in one if its centered around a project I'm a part of or a topic I'm interested in. Unless you think maybe i should reconsider?
(Btw, pls dont send me unsolicited friend requests on Discord unless i agreed to it. I keep it closed off for reasons)
Also I've been considering streaming again! I havent streamed since... 2018? That was back when I was still using my Patreon and did streams on Picarto. During that time, I remember that I would stream Patreon reward sketches and usually the only people who would show up in the stream were people waiting for a sketch lol. I didn't really get any viewers outside of that, which is understandable since I was only drawing sketches for the bulk of my time. The routine was kind of the same for about a year, but the lack of growth discouraged me to keep continuing with it, so eventually I just stopped.
But since I've been growing more distant from the online community, I kinda want to rekindle that personal connection. I figure streams would probably be the best for that! Truth be told, I still do prefer drawing alone without the pressure of having to entertain an audience but it does get lonesome after doing it for many hours on your own. I've also found that I tend to be more focused if I know people are watching me draw, so that would help me from being distracted and wasting time haha. And sometimes I would like to have input from an audience while I'm drawing, especially when it comes to designing and brainstorming stuff.
If I stream again, I think I might switch over to Twitch since I feel like there's a better chance to grow an audience there. I do have a Twitch account (unfortunately someone took my username, so its https://www.twitch.tv/seyumeii instead) but its pretty much inactive since I only made it to comment on a friend's stream one time. Otherwise its a pretty new platform for me and I might need a bit to figure out how it works haha. Once I have things prepared and a schedule ready, I'll let you all know!
But yeah thats about all thats going on with me, in case you were curious at all!
Haha yeah unfortunately you start to experience more bad with the more commissions you do. xD You've been a great client though! ^^
And thanks! That means a lot, I super appreciate all the art you drawn for me over the years! ^^
AND DUDE I am house hunting rn too I have been for months it is SO HARD and I am SO TIRED. Especially since i'm living out of Airbnbs and living extremely temp style and moving constantly.
I feel you on not trusting ppl and feeling like the time of making friends is over but then I tried out VRChat(on desktop mode mind you) and I made the most amazing friends I've ever had and even met them in person.
I'd love to show you around if you ever feel like socialing with me and a small group! Or just me! Vrchat is cool cuz you can be a furry creature and watch youtube videos in all sorts of neat 3d environments made by artists! It's kind of like the 3d art showcase/chatroom kinda thing. I think it's the closest real life can get to a furry wonderland haha.
But of course there's also tons of just, anime/cartoon ppl and normies too. It's not all furries. It's quite fun!
I get you on the exercise thing too. I feel my body aging and I don't like it haha. I think i'm too young to feel this way!
I wish you luck on your future endeavors Seyumei! Good luck on your house hunt! I'll always be watching your art <3 Love your stuff!
Ugh i feel that pain. I'm also moving soon since my current place isnt the best and is getting too pricey.
Hmm, maybe xD I feel like I'd need to get used to socializing in a group again though, otherwise I'll probably chicken out lol (still very shy). I also dont really have any equipment for VR stuff haha.
I feel like I'm still pretty spry, but I mainly just get tired more easily haha. Thank you so much though! ^^ Appreciate it!
CRAZILY ENOUGH I just had some good news an hour ago! I'm getting documents ready and such for a place I offered on holy craaaap 😭
No worries!!! It can be nerve wracking I get it. Even still my anxiety sometimes gets the best of me. Old body reactions from when I was young haven't seemed to ever leave me I guess.
I didn't have VR for many many months while using VRChat. Playing desktop is what inspired me to actually get VR. On Desktop its just like a computer game chatroom. And also WAY less intimidating than actually being in VR. You can also type to chat and not use mic as a way easier transition. I used to just listen to other groups talk when I feel shy. I still do it sometimes :3 People are friendly about mutes, theres a lot of them!
<33 offer to show you around VRChat doesnt expire lol. Once I get settled i'll have my stuff again. I don't right this second anyway so it'll be some weeks before I can get online again. ~
Eyyyyy congrats! :D Hope things work out for ya!
Yeah maybe i can give it a shot! I really need to get myself out there again haha
Bad news followed the good news unfortunately haha but I'll figure something out.
And I look forward to it!
I'll always enjoy seeing what you have brewing whether you post about it daily or yearly, please keep spreading the good word 🐐
And best of luck house hunting! Seriously lol, the market around me sucks so hard
And thank you! Glad to hear that! ^^
And hearing about artists experiencing bad clients breaks me inside, which is why I like to remain kind and patient with some professionalism in there with other artists I commission. You’re one of my favorite artist to get commissions from along with other artists and I hope your work would grow into something more bigger!
I’ll be always there to support ya ^^
Yeah you've been great! I hope I wasnt giving off the impression to my clients that i didnt enjoy working on your commissions. I was always very happy and motivated when you guys showed positive feedback to me. :> It was more of an accumulation of multiple bad experiences that led to the stress and not wanting to keep at it anymore.
Thanks so much though, I appreciate it! ;v;
I’d still be down to get commissions once in a while with ya ^^
I give you my best wishes for the next coming year~
I'd love to see you stream, so I'll def be following the Twitch! :3
Happy and glad for you figuring things out and looking after yourself, and your struggles are quite understandable, if not straight-up relatable. Wishing you best of luck in all regards!!!
I do believe that finding new friends can still happen regardless of age - just the way it happens changes.
Also, I hope it's not out of place for me to say, but your social struggles in terms of tendencies you exhibit might be worth looking into, if that's not already happening - be it with professional help, self-help books, or whatever works for you personally.
Having a house has its own issues but honestly its a wonderful thing. I always prefered older houses myself. I had one I absolutely loved but the area had no way for me to keep paying on the morgage so I was forced to sell it. I'm hoping to find a new place that I loved just as much as the old, somewhere with a good economy so I can keep it.
If you ever feel like chatting feel free. but I get the idea of hmm who are these people suddenly messaging me. Why am I so contradictory!? ahh life is frustratingly fun.
Good luck and I hope you find your place that you love and can say. Ahh if I keel over.... bury me in the walls.
Yeah thats another reason why I'm a bit anxious about homeownership, since i know i'll have way more expenses to pay for. Though i live pretty simply, so maybe it'll be manageable.
Thank you though! I think streaming will be a good avenue to start being open to chatting more, i'll see how it goes ^^
I understand on the commissions and such, but I'm glad your arting is going to good things, from what I've seen I am intrigued with your gallery. :) As far as social media, I say let it take care of itself. I don't give it much attention these days, perhaps good or not but I try to let it be something I do after the work is done, as else I'd never accomplish what I need to or make myself unhappy, which is defeating the purpose. I check on social media, but when it suits me.
And glad to hear that! ^^ Yeah I feel the same way with social media honestly haha