Okay, so I think I need to give you all an update on my health situation. Lately I've been dealing with what's called "antidepressant withdrawal syndrome", and it's not fun. But first, I think some context is in order.

For the past year, I've been taking a medication that's meant to treat major depression, stress, and anxiety, all of which peaked for me during my spring study term last year. But long story short, I think it's been giving me MORE of it, including an annoying side effect called "brain zaps" - imagine being shocked by electricity inside the back of your head every time you move your eyes. Now, keep in mind I already had these symptoms while I was regularly taking my medication. But after a month-long attempt to taper off of the meds, they've become much worse and frequent to the point that it's affecting me every minute of every day.

I know that part of it is my fault - I didn't get the professional advice needed to provide me with a proper tapering plan. But that's the thing - I WAS trying to get one, but my request kept getting shot down by my own prescriber. During our last appointment, I explained my symptoms and argued that they were closely linked to the meds, which have all been scientifically proven to be true. I told them I wanted to stop the treatment and avoid further pain. But guess what? They denied my claims, then proceeded to RAISE the dose.

I have no idea why they're refusing to help, but now I'm just stuck in this awful state of constant pain. During the day I have to endure shocks of electricity in my brain every time I move my eyes, at night I get poor quality sleep littered by stressful dreams. It's affected my physical and mental health, my mood and my morals. Even worse, my brain zaps seem to be affected by stress and anxiety, so it's just a bad feedback loop without any way to escape other than to go back to the medication.

Most websites say these symptoms will go away over time, and I really hope that's the case. But that time frame varies for each person, so I don't have a great estimation. At least things seem to have improved slightly as of now - at least I can write this vent of an update instead of being stuck in bed all day.

Depending on how things go, I might have to rethink my plans for the rest of the year. This means potentially putting my Christmas YCH idea on hold until further notice. I'm trying my best to take care of myself, and the last thing I want is more stress. I'll keep you all updated though. 2024's been one heck of a year, and I'm glad that I have you all to help me get through everything that's happened.