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Thoughts, kind of personal rant/update
10 months ago
So.
I haven't felt the best mentally for the past couple of weeks. I guess it is because of recent happenings of where I live. But it could also be the difficulty in finding meaningful full time employment. I moved out here in February, and still only have a part time job that I don't like to show.
I feel like that the bachelor's degree that I earned 10 years ago isn't good enough these days. I feel like I haven't learned any good, marketable skills. To my current company, I'm a warm body in a seat so that the business can stay open.
I want something more than that, but don't know what that is.
I liked helping people when I worked customer service, but absolutely detested doing anything over the phone. I was much better via email or text based web chat service. I enjoyed finding and fixing the issues that were brought to me.
I enjoyed looking over my other co-worker's work at my last job. I enjoyed doing the super tedious tasks that other people didn't want to do.
I just haven't found the same type of things out here. If those type of jobs are out here, they are well hidden.
On top of all of this, there's this looming question of "Hey Raakk, what do you want out of your working career?" I never had an answer for that in High School, college, or even now, and I don't think I ever will.
I'll float from position to position, never finding the "thing"
People around me all seem to have found the "thing" that they are good at, something they can get a job with. Something that they can build a career out of.
I don't know if I've found that yet. Don't know if I ever will.
What I do know is that I need to keep looking, even if it sucks.
I tried something completely different for a job this year. Turns out, I don't like it very much. Don't think I want to stay in this line of business. I have ideas of what I'd like to do, but don't know if an opportunity will ever come up for it.
I both want to find a job that isn't too stressful and/or doesn't feel like a job. I want to be able to afford the life I want, but don't know how to achieve that without burning myself out. I want to enjoy life to the fullest, without too much everyday stress.
I just really want to be happy. That has eluded me this month so far. Some days are better than others. I also need to do more things for myself, which is something else that I haven't been doing much of. I always want to be there for others, often putting my own needs on the back burner.
I don't know. I know that I'm just vomiting my thoughts into the void really, but in a way typing all of this out helps. Even if no one reads it, it helps me by actually putting my thoughts down onto something. Something I probably need to do more often is to just write out my thoughts.
Even after all of the ranting, just know that I'm ok, not good, not bad, just ok.
I know my communication skills are not the best. It is never, EVER, my intention to ignore or ghost anyone. Some times I just can't find the right thing(s) to say, so I just don't say anything.
Well this turned into quite the rant.
If you did read it, thank you. Even if you didn't read all of that, thank you. Thank you for following this silly bear. You all mean so much to me. đź’ś
Getting this all down made me feel a bit better today.
I hope you all are having a wonderful day.
I haven't felt the best mentally for the past couple of weeks. I guess it is because of recent happenings of where I live. But it could also be the difficulty in finding meaningful full time employment. I moved out here in February, and still only have a part time job that I don't like to show.
I feel like that the bachelor's degree that I earned 10 years ago isn't good enough these days. I feel like I haven't learned any good, marketable skills. To my current company, I'm a warm body in a seat so that the business can stay open.
I want something more than that, but don't know what that is.
I liked helping people when I worked customer service, but absolutely detested doing anything over the phone. I was much better via email or text based web chat service. I enjoyed finding and fixing the issues that were brought to me.
I enjoyed looking over my other co-worker's work at my last job. I enjoyed doing the super tedious tasks that other people didn't want to do.
I just haven't found the same type of things out here. If those type of jobs are out here, they are well hidden.
On top of all of this, there's this looming question of "Hey Raakk, what do you want out of your working career?" I never had an answer for that in High School, college, or even now, and I don't think I ever will.
I'll float from position to position, never finding the "thing"
People around me all seem to have found the "thing" that they are good at, something they can get a job with. Something that they can build a career out of.
I don't know if I've found that yet. Don't know if I ever will.
What I do know is that I need to keep looking, even if it sucks.
I tried something completely different for a job this year. Turns out, I don't like it very much. Don't think I want to stay in this line of business. I have ideas of what I'd like to do, but don't know if an opportunity will ever come up for it.
I both want to find a job that isn't too stressful and/or doesn't feel like a job. I want to be able to afford the life I want, but don't know how to achieve that without burning myself out. I want to enjoy life to the fullest, without too much everyday stress.
I just really want to be happy. That has eluded me this month so far. Some days are better than others. I also need to do more things for myself, which is something else that I haven't been doing much of. I always want to be there for others, often putting my own needs on the back burner.
I don't know. I know that I'm just vomiting my thoughts into the void really, but in a way typing all of this out helps. Even if no one reads it, it helps me by actually putting my thoughts down onto something. Something I probably need to do more often is to just write out my thoughts.
Even after all of the ranting, just know that I'm ok, not good, not bad, just ok.
I know my communication skills are not the best. It is never, EVER, my intention to ignore or ghost anyone. Some times I just can't find the right thing(s) to say, so I just don't say anything.
Well this turned into quite the rant.
If you did read it, thank you. Even if you didn't read all of that, thank you. Thank you for following this silly bear. You all mean so much to me. đź’ś
Getting this all down made me feel a bit better today.
I hope you all are having a wonderful day.
Job hunting… Gah, that’s been some seriously depressing and dehumanizing experiences for me too. I think what helped me a bit was to try and bypass the algorithms, online job boards, and sites like LinkedIn by Googling the general job titles and industries to see what companies are hopefully hiring in the location and field you’re looking for, then apply directly on the company sites.
Hang in there bud, things will eventually work out. Find that balance of being flexible on opportunities and firm on what you need.
I'm hoping things will work out for me eventually, especially trying to figure out what I'm really looking for. Job hunting can be super demoralizing.
I know what you mean… they expect you to just form your whole identity around whatever they do, then just toss you to the side for whatever reason, left questioning what value you have to anyone….
I know it’s easier said than done, but try to not focus on the negatives. What can you offer, and what can you change? What makes you feel fulfilled, and what are you willing to accept from others? What did you accomplish, and what did you learn?
I just really want to be happy. That has eluded me this month so far. Some days are better than others. I also need to do more things for myself, which is something else that I haven't been doing much of. I always want to be there for others, often putting my own needs on the back burner.'
Dude, that is EXACTLY how I am feeling right now, especially trying to get a job I can handle, even getting help from a special program in that regard, but going slower than I hoped :P At least I know I am not the only one who feels like that. I hope things get better for you and me, also hope we can talk again soon.