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On life and everything
a year ago
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Hello FA
It's been a while since i last said anything huh? Almost a year since my last journal, and several since i posted anything but birthday announcements. A lot has happened, and i figured I'd right a journal about it. I know not many will read this, and this is mostly for myself, but if you do read this, thank you ❤️
Where to start... well, lets start with family. Over the last couple years I've accepted my family will never accept me. Those that aren't drucks, drug addicts, or just plane fuck-ups, have always looked at me ike im either a black sheep or invisible. It hurts, but I've finally given up on trying to be seen by these people. The only person i share blood with i care about is my mom, and her health is failing her. She recently went to the hospital, and was nearly septic. Paired with her PTSD and depression, and i fear she doesn't have long, but she's still fighting
Next is love. In the last 4 years ive had 3 relationships. The first lead to an engagement which fell threw when my fiance decided he was board of me and felt my emotions weren't worth dealing with anymore. The second i ended. It was a mutual decision, and i wish him the best. He was at a point he had to focus on life, and i understood, but needed to be at least somewhat of a priority. My current relationship has definitely been a struggle. We're both very beaten down people, but we keep working on being better, and I'm not ready to give up yet. He cares about me, loves me, and is there when i need him. He even helped me and mom save our home from foreclosure.
Finally self. Boy... have i learned a lot about myself these last few years... i guess the biggest thing is as of July, I'm officially transgender. I'm make by birth, but after years of struggle, and testing the waters with my sona, I've decided to transition into being a woman. I identify as intersex, so not doing bottom surgery, but I've been on HRT for 5 months now, and have for the very first time in my life not hayed myself, so i know im on the right track. I struggled with my new name, but after feeling it out, decided to take on my Sona's name, so I'm officially going by Lunar from now on ^^
All in all, lofes definitely gotten harder, but figuring myself out has helped, and i remain hopeful things will get better. Thank you for reading. Feel free to comment or just poke me
Love,
Lunar Wolf-9
It's been a while since i last said anything huh? Almost a year since my last journal, and several since i posted anything but birthday announcements. A lot has happened, and i figured I'd right a journal about it. I know not many will read this, and this is mostly for myself, but if you do read this, thank you ❤️
Where to start... well, lets start with family. Over the last couple years I've accepted my family will never accept me. Those that aren't drucks, drug addicts, or just plane fuck-ups, have always looked at me ike im either a black sheep or invisible. It hurts, but I've finally given up on trying to be seen by these people. The only person i share blood with i care about is my mom, and her health is failing her. She recently went to the hospital, and was nearly septic. Paired with her PTSD and depression, and i fear she doesn't have long, but she's still fighting
Next is love. In the last 4 years ive had 3 relationships. The first lead to an engagement which fell threw when my fiance decided he was board of me and felt my emotions weren't worth dealing with anymore. The second i ended. It was a mutual decision, and i wish him the best. He was at a point he had to focus on life, and i understood, but needed to be at least somewhat of a priority. My current relationship has definitely been a struggle. We're both very beaten down people, but we keep working on being better, and I'm not ready to give up yet. He cares about me, loves me, and is there when i need him. He even helped me and mom save our home from foreclosure.
Finally self. Boy... have i learned a lot about myself these last few years... i guess the biggest thing is as of July, I'm officially transgender. I'm make by birth, but after years of struggle, and testing the waters with my sona, I've decided to transition into being a woman. I identify as intersex, so not doing bottom surgery, but I've been on HRT for 5 months now, and have for the very first time in my life not hayed myself, so i know im on the right track. I struggled with my new name, but after feeling it out, decided to take on my Sona's name, so I'm officially going by Lunar from now on ^^
All in all, lofes definitely gotten harder, but figuring myself out has helped, and i remain hopeful things will get better. Thank you for reading. Feel free to comment or just poke me
Love,
Lunar Wolf-9
I do know transition can involve all the hormones and surgeries, or just accepting your not CIS, and have found a lot of support in places i wasn't expecting. I won't lie... I've only been on this journey 5 months, and it's only really started to hit me mentally recently, but the support I've gotten has helped me immensely, and i don't see any reality where don't move forwards
I know you and I both struggle with wording and saying things as we mean them; I have struggled with species dysphoria since I was a young child, and I honestly never knew what to call it. I've had several experiences over my lifetime, and I know you've been there for several lately. I agree with the comment above, but I also know you have always struggled with it because of almost every person around you, either actively or inadvertently, made you feel as though your true gender identity was something to be ashamed of or to shy away from, instead of embrace. I know you told me I can be too supportive, but I guess that's just my way of making up for all but the few who were never supportive.
As you know, I'm gender fluid in the most literal sense of the term, though I prefer to say both that and non-binary; because what I wear and do, as I don't legitimately harm others, is what makes me happy. It isn't for others, it's for me. That's the way I think more people should look at their lives. Sadly, it's harder for some, I know. I love you.