I’ve always wondered how people in long-distance or open/poly relationships handle communication and trust. I’ve been in open/poly relationships before, and I’ve never had this kind of issue. This time feels different, though, and I think it’s because of how things were (or weren’t) negotiated. It’s left me feeling a little lost.

Life’s been so busy lately that my puppy/partner and I went a while without really talking. It wasn’t on purpose, just life getting in the way. When we finally did connect, I found out that some pretty big things had changed on their end. It caught me off guard because I thought we were on the same page, but it turns out we weren’t. What I thought was clear communication... wasn’t.

Since then, I’ve been stuck in this cycle of overthinking everything. My partner keeps telling me I’m not being replaced, that we’re okay, but I can’t seem to shake this feeling. It’s like this little voice in the back of my head keeps whispering that I’m not enough, even though I know it’s probably not true. It’s exhausting, and I hate feeling this way.

I don’t want to let this doubt take over, but the lack of communication and the changes I wasn’t prepared for have left me feeling off balance. I don’t know how to deal with these feelings without taking it out on my partner, which isn’t fair to them. Am I just struggling with the whole idea of polyamory? Or is this just how anyone would feel when there’s a communication breakdown?

Trust isn’t something you can just set and forget. It’s something you have to keep working on, and I know that. Communication is everything in a relationship like this, and I feel like we dropped the ball. I’m scared that if I don’t deal with this, I’m going to mess things up even more.

Part of me thinks maybe we need to take a break and give ourselves some space to figure things out. Maybe that would give me the time I need to adjust and figure out how to talk about all this honestly. I don’t want to hurt them, though. That’s what scares me the most. I’m so afraid that bringing this up will hurt them or mess up another connection they’ve made, and I’d hate myself if that happened. But keeping it all bottled up is just going to make it worse, and I know that.

I know they’re probably going to read this journal, and maybe that’s my way of trying to be honest without having to say it out loud. I’ve just been so scared to bring it up directly. I hope they can understand where I’m coming from and that this is coming from a place of love and wanting to make things work.