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The Struggles Of Being A Blind Baby Fur
11 months ago
Hamha!
Some may have noticed that I have been quite a bit slow when it comes to posting and replying online. The reason is that I have been feeling unsure of what to do now that so many friends and folks I follow have migrated to different places as a result of all the drama that has befallen both Fur Affinity and Twitter.
***
Since September 3rd, 2008, I have been a part of the furry community here on FA. I have made lots of friends and learned how to be a better person both online and off. I have also become so enlightened by the creativity of everyone who has allowed me to participate in their creative efforts both before and after I lost my physical eyesight…
…However so much has changed in the furry community since I decided to open myself up to it. The biggest part is how a once accepting community has begun to shame and drive away those who share what it is that they feel is worth sharing about themselves.
I am a [Baby Fur]. I enjoy animated, animal characters doing cute and cuddly activities in their diapers. I also enjoy being able to freely explore parts of myself that do not pose any harm to myself, or anyone else. For years, this has not been a problem. Unfortunately, recent events have shown a lack of tolerance for those of us who are trying to cope with our lives through the arts.
There are those who know of how, prior to discovering the baby fur community, my greatest fear was for people to misjudge me for an interest I never asked to have in the first place. I have used my writing to try and make sense as to why I enjoy diapered cartoon animals and have greatly appreciated those who have aided me in my journey of self-discovery. The recent actions that have been taken against baby furs has brought back a lot of trauma that I experienced prior to joining FA. Most notably how my ex-wife reacted when I told her of how I had such interests. She shamed me constantly for what, no matter how hard I tried, I could not make go away. She even made it a point to state how I needed professional help with my problem. (Fun fact is how, as I began to lose the rest of my eyesight, I did ask my therapists about my affinity for animated animals in diapers. None told me that I was ever doing anything harmful to myself, or anybody else.).
I will always remember how my ex-wife put me down for something that had been a part of who I was since for as long as I can remember. I did not choose this interest as much as it chose me. I know many others also did not choose to have an interest in something that is as misunderstood as liking cartoon characters in diapers. Who in their right mind would ever want to bring upon themselves teasing, shaming, and being perceived as a horrible person who would do horrible things?
***
Since I lost all my physical eyesight on December 15th, 2016, I have struggled to find something to feel happy about. So many aspects of our world are visual. This includes web sites and phone apps. Most of which do not work well with the screen reading software that is made available to those who have little, or no, eyesight.
So, as I write this journal, I feel like a kid who is walking all by himself to an empty playground. If I was not blind, I know I could easily follow everyone to where things are a lot more friendly to baby furs, but my physical disability and lack of accessibility make this extremely difficult. How can one feel inspired to write, comment, or do anything positively productive when they feel like nobody is there to share in the fun of being creative while not feeling all alone for who and what you are on the inside?
***
Sorry for this journal being so long. I just really needed to write out my feelings to better understand why I just don’t feel like getting on the computer anymore. It’s a lonely world when you are blind and it is even more lonely when you feel like there is no place for you to find any amount of happiness without having to struggle and/or feel like you are going to be assaulted by close-minded, judgmental people who assume over attempting to understand.
Your Pal,
---Yosh E. O’Ducky ;)
Some may have noticed that I have been quite a bit slow when it comes to posting and replying online. The reason is that I have been feeling unsure of what to do now that so many friends and folks I follow have migrated to different places as a result of all the drama that has befallen both Fur Affinity and Twitter.
***
Since September 3rd, 2008, I have been a part of the furry community here on FA. I have made lots of friends and learned how to be a better person both online and off. I have also become so enlightened by the creativity of everyone who has allowed me to participate in their creative efforts both before and after I lost my physical eyesight…
…However so much has changed in the furry community since I decided to open myself up to it. The biggest part is how a once accepting community has begun to shame and drive away those who share what it is that they feel is worth sharing about themselves.
I am a [Baby Fur]. I enjoy animated, animal characters doing cute and cuddly activities in their diapers. I also enjoy being able to freely explore parts of myself that do not pose any harm to myself, or anyone else. For years, this has not been a problem. Unfortunately, recent events have shown a lack of tolerance for those of us who are trying to cope with our lives through the arts.
There are those who know of how, prior to discovering the baby fur community, my greatest fear was for people to misjudge me for an interest I never asked to have in the first place. I have used my writing to try and make sense as to why I enjoy diapered cartoon animals and have greatly appreciated those who have aided me in my journey of self-discovery. The recent actions that have been taken against baby furs has brought back a lot of trauma that I experienced prior to joining FA. Most notably how my ex-wife reacted when I told her of how I had such interests. She shamed me constantly for what, no matter how hard I tried, I could not make go away. She even made it a point to state how I needed professional help with my problem. (Fun fact is how, as I began to lose the rest of my eyesight, I did ask my therapists about my affinity for animated animals in diapers. None told me that I was ever doing anything harmful to myself, or anybody else.).
I will always remember how my ex-wife put me down for something that had been a part of who I was since for as long as I can remember. I did not choose this interest as much as it chose me. I know many others also did not choose to have an interest in something that is as misunderstood as liking cartoon characters in diapers. Who in their right mind would ever want to bring upon themselves teasing, shaming, and being perceived as a horrible person who would do horrible things?
***
Since I lost all my physical eyesight on December 15th, 2016, I have struggled to find something to feel happy about. So many aspects of our world are visual. This includes web sites and phone apps. Most of which do not work well with the screen reading software that is made available to those who have little, or no, eyesight.
So, as I write this journal, I feel like a kid who is walking all by himself to an empty playground. If I was not blind, I know I could easily follow everyone to where things are a lot more friendly to baby furs, but my physical disability and lack of accessibility make this extremely difficult. How can one feel inspired to write, comment, or do anything positively productive when they feel like nobody is there to share in the fun of being creative while not feeling all alone for who and what you are on the inside?
***
Sorry for this journal being so long. I just really needed to write out my feelings to better understand why I just don’t feel like getting on the computer anymore. It’s a lonely world when you are blind and it is even more lonely when you feel like there is no place for you to find any amount of happiness without having to struggle and/or feel like you are going to be assaulted by close-minded, judgmental people who assume over attempting to understand.
Your Pal,
---Yosh E. O’Ducky ;)
Because I do, and it makes it so much worse.
***
In regard to making it worse, I am very sad to hear that is how you feel. I doubt you chose to have the affinity. Most of us who like what we like just become drawn to such things as a result of life events that influenced us before our teenage years.
As you feel it makes it worse, I must ask if you have tried to write, draw, or use some creative way to further explore why you are the way that you are when it comes to such things? My personal experience has made me feel a lot less bad about having the interests that I have as a result of using my OC, Yosh, as a stand-in for life events that may have played a part in what made me who I am today. The best part of having an OC to step in for yourself, in my opinion, is that it allows you to have more control over the given situation you are using your creative talents towards better understanding why they may have played a part in creating the affinity.
But I do have The Pilot, a character that I haven't drawn yet. He's my ideal self, having fun, dancing, and interacting with the world and living life, all as a cartoon. I've had him for as long as I can remember.
I tried being Wlu once, but I never got the chance to show myself to sensible people.
The event that caused the affinity is what also why my social skills are half baked.
***
I remember the moment that I knew that I was never going to stop liking diapers came when I played Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island. The bright colors, cutesy designs, and Yoshi in a caretaker role all made me realize that the thoughts I had been having towards cartoon animals in diapers was not going to ever go away.
***
I think we can all be a bit socially awkward at times. It is difficult to fit in even in places that you know that you want to fit into. I do hope that you have been able to find places, like FA, to feel less socially awkward, more open, and able to express those parts of yourself that may not otherwise get the attention they need. Nothing is worse, in my opinion, than having to feel alone in something that feels meaningful, special, or that is a natural part of what makes you who you are.
The Pilot and I take care of Wlu. Omega (my ego) also helps to.
I like being here because I don't have to hide who I am as well as not feeling superior to everyone around me.
***
You make a good point on how even those with sight struggle to keep up with technology, too. Since 2010, when I still had some eyesight, I started to notice various types of software becoming harder-and-harder to use. There were also more-and-more bugs that needed patched after the releases of software. What I noticed culminated in a statement made by one of my former employers before I was forced out of my job. This being, "We no longer live in a time where software can be tested for ease of use for even those with eyesight..."
So many software developers are in a rush to release what they want to get out to the consumer that they are willing to push out untested technology to the end user in the hopes that it will be tolerated until a patch is released to fix the issues they neglected to discover and repair during, what should have been, a thorough testing regiment. They then go on to build updates to the software upon a broken foundation that, should you have a visual disability, only makes using that particular piece of software harder due to nobody ever taking time for Accessibility Testing.
***
Again, I thank you for your time and comments. :)
You've let me know in the past how much you've enjoyed a couple of my stories and that meant a lot to me, so in whatever small way it might brighten your day, I hope something I post in the future does the same for you.
***
It is unfortunate how those of us who like diapers and padded cartoon animals are seen in such a poor light by so many. The fact that even the furry community itself seems to dislike us makes being who we are even harder. We, like anyone else bravely sharing parts of ourselves on the internet through our creative talents, are only trying to find a way to better accept, understand, and empower ourselves while feeling a sense of community. It really doesn't go, in most cases, beyond that. Lots of people OL and IRL will try and make it something super-duper terrible, but that is not what a notable majority of us are. Sure there are those who do fit the horrible stereotypes that we get accused of, but the same goes for any interest out there. Someone will always take it too far. The key is for people to not rush to judgment against someone just because they may have heard something about an interest they have.
***
Thanks so much for reading and for sharing your thoughts. I hope that we can all stay together as a strong community despite all the craziness that has been going on over this past year. :)
But of course, there are those who actually say something something reasonable which I like to see.
Its unfortunate when people misjudge others just because of what they like, especially on the Internet where some people feel like they can say what they want without consequence, not realizing that there is indeed consequences to ones actions. I've come into encounter with people who have misjudged me before, and its terrible.
After all, some people don't understand me for who I am, but yet I keep going in life. Even if it does get a bit tough.
If something were doing isn't harming anyone at all, then it shouldn't be a problem. I think one problem is society and how it is now for the most part. It usually doesn't like when you don't exactly conform to how it is and what people expect. Life isn't just one massive big path, its multiple paths to take.
Everyone should be able to respect each other, even if we have the strangest of oddities. The world itself is filled with the unusual.
***
I thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I feel journals are a great way to help ourselves by getting out what we need to get out while assisting others in seeing they are not alone in feeling / experiencing something.
*Snugs* Thank you, Kaffre. :)
I am debating returning to Fur Affinity with my Alter-Ego, G'TYRR THE CAITIAN.
Personally, I plan to stay on FA for as long as I possibly can. The only thing that would make me leave is being forcefully banned from the site.
***
It is hard having a disability that already makes being in social situations difficult. Sites, like FA, were meant to help us find a safe place to express ourselves where our real life struggles did not make it so tricky. I hope that, through your new character, you are able to enjoy FA, along with possible other sites, to make friends and share those parts of yourself that may often feel neglected / misunderstood by mainstream society.
Adding to that point of your problematic ex, what makes such close-mindedness all the more frustrating is that one can view a diaper fetish with disgust while still tolerating its existence because of the content that can come from it. As writers, we are able to take something that could have been no more than some frivolous fetish and turn it into a showcase of the many wondrous way we can communicate ideas, into a playful and pedagogical force whose scope can center around much more than just messy diapers, and yet people will still overlook such creative capacities because they either want to fear what they don’t understand or they want to feel better about themselves by moralizing something that doesn’t actually reveal one’s morality in itself. The fact that this fetish is ultimately what became the impetus for what will be a life long love of language is why no amount of naysayers will ever erase the pride I have for what I write and who I write for.
Unfortunately, to your other point, not even such positivity in infinite supply could erase the isolation that seems innate with what we do. As though our dedication to diaper content leaving us outside the mainstream sphere isn’t already a potentially severe source of isolation, there is also the fact that we as writers are essentially a niche within a niche, something that, by design, will continue to be overlooked by artwork that takes far less time and thought to consume (a fact that is sadly all the more apparent on BlueSky, whose scrollable timelines and character limits are poorly suited for content like lengthier works of writing). So, I can only imagine how compounding all of that with blindness would make you feel immensely more isolated.
With that, all else I can say is that, though several have moved on to other sites, though people will continue to be close-minded about this community, I hope you can keep finding happiness on this site, especially when you’ve given me no shortage of such a thing with the several heartfelt remarks you’ve made about my writing.
***
You are correct in how we, as writers, are a niche within a niche. There is so much consumable media out there that getting people to take the time to read the written word over enjoying a quick glance of an image is very tricky. However, as you do quite well, I feel the key is to keep sharing stories, poems, and other written works regardless of the response it may receive. You just never know when you may release a tale that will touch someone in a special way that helps them to feel more understood, entertained, or inspired.
***
I will always be thankful that I found you through your stories. Reading what you wrote definitely inspired me towards being a better writer. The way you weave your words to tell an immersive tale is simply impressive. You also have done an astounding job in developing characters that go beyond just wearing and using their diapers.
***
My thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. They've truly helped me to feel better about all the rough feelings that I've been having as a result of all the upheavel that has been going on.
It's completely understandable that you're feeling frustrated and hurt right now. It takes a lot of courage to share something so personal, and the fact that you're speaking up about your experiences shows real strength.
Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to talk about the challenges you face, especially when those challenges are made harder by the way others treat you. You deserve to be in spaces where you feel accepted and safe, and it's not fair that accessibility issues and prejudice are making that difficult.
I'm glad you have your creative outlets and hope you continue to pursue them.
Many thanks for your support and thoughtfulness. :)
***
I was annoyed at how lots of people left FA, but I have also seen there are plenty of other diaper-loving littles still hanging around. New content is still being created and, through those like yourself, we are keeping things alive and well here on the site. :)
***
It is understandable to wish you had never been born. I know I have thought the same thing on more than a single occasion. However, thankfully, you are here and adding to the artistic community through your talents. You never know how much of an impact you make on the world around you, but you do by simply doing what you love to do and sharing it with the world.
I also gained 1 new follower too. I also used the diaper model and made my first saggy diaper model that looked really good. I did a saggy diaper with the first model but it did not look good but this time I did it differently. I took the grab mode from Sculpt mode and dragged the back pard down and smoothed the edges around the diaper and it really looks good I got so much likes for the model I did. I showed new artwork called Chase pooped his diaper. It looks so real and detailed the diaper is so saggy it looks like there is poop in his diaper. I just made another 3D art of Tracker. Its gonna be called "Tracker pooped his diaper." I am about to upload it.
I had wondered how tricky it would be to make textures for diapers in 3D models. It would appear you are more than getting the hang of it.
Would you say your Paw Patrol posts are pretty popular with viewers? How well has your works with Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle been doing?
Overall, I admire your persistance towards making such progress with Blender and its respective tools to create such delightful works. No doubt you have put a lot of time into making various models and designs. It is admirable to see how you continue to build upon your talents to better show that which may not have been so easily done with just plushies. :)
What is your OC's name? Is he a Pegasus, Earth Pony, or Unicorn. Are there any other fun details that make him a fun character?