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Late December
9 months ago
I sure avoided making a journal for december huh, but it wasn't really intentional! I just forgot! Merry gift acquisition day, this is your gift, my unbridled thoughts.
Art, drawing, making pictures, that's all that has been on my mind really. I live a privileged life where I can draw for enjoyment and not out of economic responsibility, and have plenty of free time to pursue it. By all means I should be pretty happy, content even, but I'm not! I afflict myself constantly with expectations and painful ideations of what I should be doing, what I should be making, at what quality, my level, my line quality, whatever.
It's quite silly, I'm then reminded I don't really have real problems, that others have it way worse, and that in turn makes me feel worse! How conceited, how egotistic of me! How dare myself think I'm worthy of complaining, of crying out loud about these little things that are less than a drop of water in the flood of problems REAL people have to face every single day!
It's been hard to feel motivated when seeing other's art (In fact I currently have 512 unchecked submissions from my followed artists), these very real people making very real pictures, meaningful, soulful pictures. It's hard to know what I'm doing wrong, it simply HAS to be me! It has to! I'm the sole reason I'm stuck, me and my circumstances, the fortunate unfortunate boring circumstances of my uneventful ten years doing art, make it eleven by the end of this year.
I wish I was somebody else!
But anyways, apologies for the moody, sappy journal, if you do read them that is! Do not worry about me, I'll keep drawing, maybe 10 years more I'll be making cool pictures I'll be proud of! That's something to look forward to, genuinely! I'm not being facetious there!
Art, drawing, making pictures, that's all that has been on my mind really. I live a privileged life where I can draw for enjoyment and not out of economic responsibility, and have plenty of free time to pursue it. By all means I should be pretty happy, content even, but I'm not! I afflict myself constantly with expectations and painful ideations of what I should be doing, what I should be making, at what quality, my level, my line quality, whatever.
It's quite silly, I'm then reminded I don't really have real problems, that others have it way worse, and that in turn makes me feel worse! How conceited, how egotistic of me! How dare myself think I'm worthy of complaining, of crying out loud about these little things that are less than a drop of water in the flood of problems REAL people have to face every single day!
It's been hard to feel motivated when seeing other's art (In fact I currently have 512 unchecked submissions from my followed artists), these very real people making very real pictures, meaningful, soulful pictures. It's hard to know what I'm doing wrong, it simply HAS to be me! It has to! I'm the sole reason I'm stuck, me and my circumstances, the fortunate unfortunate boring circumstances of my uneventful ten years doing art, make it eleven by the end of this year.
I wish I was somebody else!
But anyways, apologies for the moody, sappy journal, if you do read them that is! Do not worry about me, I'll keep drawing, maybe 10 years more I'll be making cool pictures I'll be proud of! That's something to look forward to, genuinely! I'm not being facetious there!
