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Doing the Motions
16 years ago
Certifiable Mad Scientist: I have a Death Ray, and I know how to Use It.
Life is a little bleak right now. Not entirely bad mind you, but a little bit bleak. I'm doing my daily 1 hour commute both ways, still don't have any territory of my own, and dealing with stress that refuses to go away. It is good then, that I have started being able to just make the motions as if I'm really in control when I have in fact lost most of it.
My finances should be on track. If I had some of the help I had requested I'd be in a better state, but I'm squeaking by enough to manage to get myself some project materials to play with on my limited time off. I may have to bag going to FC though which would be quite a disappointment. Then again, my fursuit has stalled on the next critical step of head creation so it may not be that bad after all. My plans for a computer upgrade are likewise on hold. Then again, I really don't need one just yet I've discovered.
Life however... it just goes. I go into work, hammer stuff out, head back to my couch, and sleep for the most part. I nabbed the free re-trail of Eve Online and am futzing with it again. Its fun, but not something I can do without a real place for a computer; it crashes my laptop while rendering multiple transparencies. I'm hoping, HOPING that down the line this part of my life will have some better meaning, but for now all I can think about is being cold and alone. I've had offers to take me in, but I'm still stuck till graduation or I forfeit the last 8 years of my life.
Did get to doodle a bit recently though. Hopefully I'll have something to show for it tonight if I can find a way to ink it and scan it in. I can't find any of my inking supplies though.
Just going through the motions, day by day. Let the days blur together, lose yourself in them. Then, when it comes time to reawaken, it will be in a better state. Hopefully. Or a new hell. That's the problem with not really having any control over yourself. You get to take what comes.
My finances should be on track. If I had some of the help I had requested I'd be in a better state, but I'm squeaking by enough to manage to get myself some project materials to play with on my limited time off. I may have to bag going to FC though which would be quite a disappointment. Then again, my fursuit has stalled on the next critical step of head creation so it may not be that bad after all. My plans for a computer upgrade are likewise on hold. Then again, I really don't need one just yet I've discovered.
Life however... it just goes. I go into work, hammer stuff out, head back to my couch, and sleep for the most part. I nabbed the free re-trail of Eve Online and am futzing with it again. Its fun, but not something I can do without a real place for a computer; it crashes my laptop while rendering multiple transparencies. I'm hoping, HOPING that down the line this part of my life will have some better meaning, but for now all I can think about is being cold and alone. I've had offers to take me in, but I'm still stuck till graduation or I forfeit the last 8 years of my life.
Did get to doodle a bit recently though. Hopefully I'll have something to show for it tonight if I can find a way to ink it and scan it in. I can't find any of my inking supplies though.
Just going through the motions, day by day. Let the days blur together, lose yourself in them. Then, when it comes time to reawaken, it will be in a better state. Hopefully. Or a new hell. That's the problem with not really having any control over yourself. You get to take what comes.
I told myself this was going to be an adventure. Perhaps I shouldn't have said that :)
Thank you though, I think with a little bit of support, I may pull out of this by the time FC rolls around, maybe :)