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My Brain is Disintegrating.
10 months ago
Please read my full thoughts here: https://rep-resent.dreamwidth.org/1768.html
I'm a bit worried I'll be dead before I can do anything I've tried to do, and I wrote about my medical problems to-date. We started supplementing my day to day with 3000UI of Vitamin D, but the literature says my ass needs about 10k for 6 mo's for effect. I don't talk about Vitamin D at all in this bigger writing, but like my hopes for Estrogen HRT to help me claw function, I'm hoping slamming Omega 3's and Vit-D can help me get just a little more time. I just need more time.
I'm 32 and I'm scared because my nervous system is disintegrating.
Everything is so hard.
[small update] This is all to say that for people who I owe work to: you're going to want to write it off as a total loss.
Zoop has encouraged me to just let my backlog expire, and I think going into 2025, I have no choice but to let it go. For patreon/subscribestar rewards that I've maintained an accurate count on a per-person basis since 2022, I just don't have the capacity. I can't even do the things that matter the most to me, I've posted so few pieces to FA this year because 95% of the things I draw are little scribbles that take me too long. I want to have things to show, I want to have something that's valued, but that's just fucking stupid to want now.
I have the list. If I can do something for you, I will, but I wouldn't hold your breath.
A small edit for the sake of it: The urgent tone that I had written this in has a relative context if you don't know how Parkinson's and NDD's work. The part where I die (assuming I am correct about the diagnosis) is after plural years of gradual degradation, with an arc from onset to fatality measured usually within one or two decades (less without treatment, obviously). That said, if onset happened when I was 30, it seems unlikely I have much function to regain as we enter year 4 of my syndrome.
I'm a bit worried I'll be dead before I can do anything I've tried to do, and I wrote about my medical problems to-date. We started supplementing my day to day with 3000UI of Vitamin D, but the literature says my ass needs about 10k for 6 mo's for effect. I don't talk about Vitamin D at all in this bigger writing, but like my hopes for Estrogen HRT to help me claw function, I'm hoping slamming Omega 3's and Vit-D can help me get just a little more time. I just need more time.
I'm 32 and I'm scared because my nervous system is disintegrating.
Everything is so hard.
[small update] This is all to say that for people who I owe work to: you're going to want to write it off as a total loss.
Zoop has encouraged me to just let my backlog expire, and I think going into 2025, I have no choice but to let it go. For patreon/subscribestar rewards that I've maintained an accurate count on a per-person basis since 2022, I just don't have the capacity. I can't even do the things that matter the most to me, I've posted so few pieces to FA this year because 95% of the things I draw are little scribbles that take me too long. I want to have things to show, I want to have something that's valued, but that's just fucking stupid to want now.I have the list. If I can do something for you, I will, but I wouldn't hold your breath.
A small edit for the sake of it: The urgent tone that I had written this in has a relative context if you don't know how Parkinson's and NDD's work. The part where I die (assuming I am correct about the diagnosis) is after plural years of gradual degradation, with an arc from onset to fatality measured usually within one or two decades (less without treatment, obviously). That said, if onset happened when I was 30, it seems unlikely I have much function to regain as we enter year 4 of my syndrome.
It's terrible to hear this is happening to you.