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Happy New Holiday Times
9 months ago
We try out best to make things better and it's a hard fight. Being vulnerable can hurt. When you don't even have the ability to be cynical, it can be even harder to know what to do.
On this site I am a ghost. I'm not consistent, and I've spent nearly the last 3 years of my life just.. being unable to focus or make things. If I changed now, If I found the strength to finally make things, would I find a community or friends? A meaningful one? How long would it last? But some of you are here, still. I dunno. That not knowing is hard.
There's things I love, so much. I love Undertale still. And I love Bug Fables, with all my heart, more than I can say. And all this love, It can feel like I have no where to put it, nowhere safe, anyway.
And yet I keep trying. In July of 2025 it'll be 3 years since I came up with an idea that I wanted so much to become a story I made. It's still in my heart. My instincts cry to forget it, all of it, but I can't. I need to create, to make. I still do, privately, but it's lonely and it hurts. I want time to stop so I have all the time I need to work through this agony and then begin creating.
I would give anything to have a community of writers and artists, even if we're not always making what I want most. I want to make things and discuss what we make, passionately, be there for each other. I've tried so, so hard to make it happen but this world drains us of our love and people struggle to like themselves and I am no different.
This holiday was a nice one for me. A lovely one. Things feel a little better, a little more hopeful. I hate that I've been unable to truly, consistently write for coming on seven god damned years because I let the hurt I felt from my trust being broken in others rule me. Selfishly I want someone else to "fix me", but that's not anyone else's job. I really just want people to trust. Maybe I'm finding a few in my husband, in new dear friends, in other friendships being reforged. And the holiday was a nice one.
I hope, for those of you who read this, who see what I get up to, who watch and fave my stuff randomly, had a nice one, too. I know a lot of you are quiet and new yourselves, but I love being reached out to. I wanna make things. I know it's hard. Maybe you've been burned. Maybe the way schools taught you to read and write completely screwed with you. Maybe you're tired of trying. But still, an open invitation is offered; if you wanna talk writing, if you wanna talk poof, if you wanna create, i wanna be here.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Wonderful New Year.
On this site I am a ghost. I'm not consistent, and I've spent nearly the last 3 years of my life just.. being unable to focus or make things. If I changed now, If I found the strength to finally make things, would I find a community or friends? A meaningful one? How long would it last? But some of you are here, still. I dunno. That not knowing is hard.
There's things I love, so much. I love Undertale still. And I love Bug Fables, with all my heart, more than I can say. And all this love, It can feel like I have no where to put it, nowhere safe, anyway.
And yet I keep trying. In July of 2025 it'll be 3 years since I came up with an idea that I wanted so much to become a story I made. It's still in my heart. My instincts cry to forget it, all of it, but I can't. I need to create, to make. I still do, privately, but it's lonely and it hurts. I want time to stop so I have all the time I need to work through this agony and then begin creating.
I would give anything to have a community of writers and artists, even if we're not always making what I want most. I want to make things and discuss what we make, passionately, be there for each other. I've tried so, so hard to make it happen but this world drains us of our love and people struggle to like themselves and I am no different.
This holiday was a nice one for me. A lovely one. Things feel a little better, a little more hopeful. I hate that I've been unable to truly, consistently write for coming on seven god damned years because I let the hurt I felt from my trust being broken in others rule me. Selfishly I want someone else to "fix me", but that's not anyone else's job. I really just want people to trust. Maybe I'm finding a few in my husband, in new dear friends, in other friendships being reforged. And the holiday was a nice one.
I hope, for those of you who read this, who see what I get up to, who watch and fave my stuff randomly, had a nice one, too. I know a lot of you are quiet and new yourselves, but I love being reached out to. I wanna make things. I know it's hard. Maybe you've been burned. Maybe the way schools taught you to read and write completely screwed with you. Maybe you're tired of trying. But still, an open invitation is offered; if you wanna talk writing, if you wanna talk poof, if you wanna create, i wanna be here.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Wonderful New Year.
I always wanted to dabble in creating stories but always struggled to commit to certain ideas, especially for a longer story. Working on Space Lancer Haya taught me that I'm capable of something decent if given the right conditions (and having someone to bounce ideas with or shoot down dumb ideas). Though I used to spend a bit of time writing short stories until i had to focus most of my attention on comms. I think another issue is not setting a specific time frame to sit down and write. Not just on writing itself but even coming up with stories/ideas.
I hope you and others have a good rest of your holiday.