Not sure what to add about 2024, i dont have much to sugarcoat

My mental state been going down rather fast lately, old habits becoming routine again and faults/frustrations getting taken out harder (punishment) on myself.
Im considering starting with antidepressants again but remembering the side effects i got.. as someone who done so much self harm in the past, it feels like a choice between pest or cholera.
Visited therapy for a bit but healthcare only paid enough visits to conclude, I need several years to even have a slight chance of dealing with the mixture of PTSD and whatever to call the symptoms im showing to make sure my self esteem remains ruined.
As mentioned last time, I started a new job which is decent due to nice coworkers but also making me realise im not cut out for it, its extremely exhausting for me yet i need to sustain it to either learn to deal with it or not let depression ruin it. I honestly don't know whats what.. am I too depressed to decide, am I too stressed out, am I in need of something else.. I don't know.

Art wise have I dropped a lot, reasons above and lack of inspiration.. mixture with its not worth it and refusing to sleep properly nor eat.
I do feel like i did a slight improve on anatomy lately, and i managed to put together an partial fursuit...plushsuit.

tldr: I'm doing worse and meaner to myself but I feel like a fake for not taking proper actions