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2024 The Year of Healing
12 months ago
General
With only a few days left of 2024, I gotta say...while it isn't one of the best years, it is a far cry compared to what happened in 2023...I am of course speaking on a personal note.
To recap:
2023 was horrid, I lost my father, my pet lizard, and my older brother all within 2 short months. This pain is still felt, and while I know even now I have lost Uncle Keith just yesterday as of this writing, I am willing to accept what has occurred, and just keep pressing forward (slowly of course.) I had a mark that scared me half to death (thankfully it was not cancerous, and the doc removed it anyway.) which even if there was nothing to fear, me and the sun sure as fuck ain't friends no more.
Don't get me wrong, 2023 was a great year productively speaking; did ALOT of images with color, I felt I FINALLY had a shading style I like (and still do) and I felt I finally got good at inking, and then BAM! I overworked my hands, I injured my drawing hand because stupid me was wearing an arm brace while drawing (ironic given that I was trying to prevent it in the first place) which all but stopped me to begin with...
and THEN I injured the other hand a week later trying to pick up the slack while the other rested. 2023 just wanted to give me on last kick before laughing its way out to the exit after causing so much pain. I spent the remainder of the year terrified at the idea that I could possibly no longer draw, to no longer hold a pencil, the idea of not being able to express ideas, or just generally fun shit, or generate concept art, or anything productive, or not even ever to game or anything I was made to do had given me grim thoughts, which were short lived. Thankfully 2024 has certainly been better.
I would learn 3 months into 2024 that feeling started to come back into my fingers, that the carpal tunnel was more or less a secondary symptom of inflammation. Inflammation that happens because of far too much sugar and other crap in my diet (I do love me chocolate and sweets at times) So I decided if I wanted to heal, if I wanted to get better I'd have to cut it out limit calorie intake etc, it was NESSECARY in order to keep going. Turns out I also lost a lot of weight because I cut back on calories and sugar (I did eat stuff that actually mattered though, so no worries.) But that isn't all I did either
I did everything as well such as getting arm braces for sleeping, resting. The boss at work was also very accommodating allowing me to get a special vertical mouse for work (which is awesome, totally recommend.) and providing some chi oil to help with the inflammation. I didn't do everything correctly at first, I would've likely had a good idea but I had no health insurance at the time, so I couldn't go see a doctor (kinda hard to get it, and I am mistrusting of putting my personal info out there, a mistrust people DO NOT take seriously enough.) If I wasn't doing anything, I was healing.
I had a few scares worried I was relapsing, only starting to realize, yeah healin' is supposed to hurt sometimes, it'd fluctuate, getting sore, than getting better, than less sore, etc. It'd start over in the next stage and get better.
Currently still healing, but I have a greater confidence in doing the things I love doing again, able to play videogames with my niblings (the term for both nieces and nephews, seriously that is a real word lol)
I can draw again, and ink and color (still hesitant about inking and coloring but I know that WILL get better so long as I am careful.
I wanna say I appreciate all the support that I've been getting from everyone, and I am grateful for it ! thanks for being patient with me and all the stuff I've been doin through, I am so grateful I got you peeps around ^v^!~ thank u!
But I got to also give glory to the Big Guy up stairs. Cause when he gives you a gift, he never really takes it away, and that aspect is likely why my injuries were not as serious as I feared, did it take a long time to get to this point, hell yes it did, but as the old saying goes; it could've been MUCH worse, and he's the reason I haven't fallen down as hard as I should have, with the friends I have around me, which I am so grateful and happy to have.
2023 should've been the year I went from a little red leezord to a monstrous draconic abomination it should've been the era of the 'Black Flame'. 2024 has proven that it doesn't have to be, that it won't be.
Not taking 2024 personally into account, yeah it was a shitty year .3.; lot of tornadoes, lot of horrible disasters, toxic political nastiness (I hate election years...) but I ain't gonna get into that cause I don't wanna!
I hope 2025 will be a happier year for me. ^v^ I think I'll be able to finally finish the Primal Rage: Final Battle, been working on and off on that as of late due to everything going on, and after that imma focus more on my MUGEN and stuff which gives me more motivation to focus on my cast more.
Leezord got a long way to go, but at least we're gettin' somewhere. ' v '~
Happy New Year ^U^!~
To recap:
2023 was horrid, I lost my father, my pet lizard, and my older brother all within 2 short months. This pain is still felt, and while I know even now I have lost Uncle Keith just yesterday as of this writing, I am willing to accept what has occurred, and just keep pressing forward (slowly of course.) I had a mark that scared me half to death (thankfully it was not cancerous, and the doc removed it anyway.) which even if there was nothing to fear, me and the sun sure as fuck ain't friends no more.
Don't get me wrong, 2023 was a great year productively speaking; did ALOT of images with color, I felt I FINALLY had a shading style I like (and still do) and I felt I finally got good at inking, and then BAM! I overworked my hands, I injured my drawing hand because stupid me was wearing an arm brace while drawing (ironic given that I was trying to prevent it in the first place) which all but stopped me to begin with...
and THEN I injured the other hand a week later trying to pick up the slack while the other rested. 2023 just wanted to give me on last kick before laughing its way out to the exit after causing so much pain. I spent the remainder of the year terrified at the idea that I could possibly no longer draw, to no longer hold a pencil, the idea of not being able to express ideas, or just generally fun shit, or generate concept art, or anything productive, or not even ever to game or anything I was made to do had given me grim thoughts, which were short lived. Thankfully 2024 has certainly been better.
I would learn 3 months into 2024 that feeling started to come back into my fingers, that the carpal tunnel was more or less a secondary symptom of inflammation. Inflammation that happens because of far too much sugar and other crap in my diet (I do love me chocolate and sweets at times) So I decided if I wanted to heal, if I wanted to get better I'd have to cut it out limit calorie intake etc, it was NESSECARY in order to keep going. Turns out I also lost a lot of weight because I cut back on calories and sugar (I did eat stuff that actually mattered though, so no worries.) But that isn't all I did either
I did everything as well such as getting arm braces for sleeping, resting. The boss at work was also very accommodating allowing me to get a special vertical mouse for work (which is awesome, totally recommend.) and providing some chi oil to help with the inflammation. I didn't do everything correctly at first, I would've likely had a good idea but I had no health insurance at the time, so I couldn't go see a doctor (kinda hard to get it, and I am mistrusting of putting my personal info out there, a mistrust people DO NOT take seriously enough.) If I wasn't doing anything, I was healing.
I had a few scares worried I was relapsing, only starting to realize, yeah healin' is supposed to hurt sometimes, it'd fluctuate, getting sore, than getting better, than less sore, etc. It'd start over in the next stage and get better.
Currently still healing, but I have a greater confidence in doing the things I love doing again, able to play videogames with my niblings (the term for both nieces and nephews, seriously that is a real word lol)
I can draw again, and ink and color (still hesitant about inking and coloring but I know that WILL get better so long as I am careful.
I wanna say I appreciate all the support that I've been getting from everyone, and I am grateful for it ! thanks for being patient with me and all the stuff I've been doin through, I am so grateful I got you peeps around ^v^!~ thank u!
But I got to also give glory to the Big Guy up stairs. Cause when he gives you a gift, he never really takes it away, and that aspect is likely why my injuries were not as serious as I feared, did it take a long time to get to this point, hell yes it did, but as the old saying goes; it could've been MUCH worse, and he's the reason I haven't fallen down as hard as I should have, with the friends I have around me, which I am so grateful and happy to have.
2023 should've been the year I went from a little red leezord to a monstrous draconic abomination it should've been the era of the 'Black Flame'. 2024 has proven that it doesn't have to be, that it won't be.
Not taking 2024 personally into account, yeah it was a shitty year .3.; lot of tornadoes, lot of horrible disasters, toxic political nastiness (I hate election years...) but I ain't gonna get into that cause I don't wanna!
I hope 2025 will be a happier year for me. ^v^ I think I'll be able to finally finish the Primal Rage: Final Battle, been working on and off on that as of late due to everything going on, and after that imma focus more on my MUGEN and stuff which gives me more motivation to focus on my cast more.
Leezord got a long way to go, but at least we're gettin' somewhere. ' v '~
Happy New Year ^U^!~
I remain yet hopeless in having any chances to make a life for myself (just as I remain hopeless to the ideal of me ever finding a companion).
I wanted to find new friends and experience new things, hoping that things would have been different, this time.
I was wrong, and I paid a steep price for such a mistake.
I've lost my several years old profile on this site because of it.
The person who took it away from me is dead.
He died shortly after.
My mental issues continue to make every step a struggle and a challenge.
Sisyphus's endless climb, alongside his own boulder to push.
Alas, this is all a part of my life, and one I'd feel even weirder without.
I've made peace with a lot of things over the years, and I continue to do so even now.
I still have my family, and the very few friends who stick around (despite the fact that they should have left me behind a long while ago, for their own sake).
There's still a roof under my head, and warm food on the table.
I've made new strides and improved much thanks to my new psychologist.
I was even able to finally have a job, even if only for a couple of months and in a very limited fashion.
If and when the time will come, I guess I will finally leave this life.
But I'd rather not.. You know? I've come to realize that life is worth living, even at it's worst.
You never know where it will lead you next, and what it shall show you.
Even the worst and most negative of experiences are worth experiencing.
That is all.
Stay safe, everyone. Have a happy new year.
https://on.soundcloud.com/8rYbpK6K5QetpCp19
here is wishing you the best next year ^^
All I can say is I hope 2025 is better for both of us. Probably not but it shouldn't hurt to try.