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2024 as a year: One step back, but ...
10 months ago
Man, it's already this time of year again, huh? This year feels simultaneously like it's been blazing by an hour a minute, but also it feels like things that have happened this year happened forever ago. Overall, this year was a net negative for me, but I don't want people to think I've been going through some awful terrible time. I mean, this year hasn't been great, but I'm choosing to see it as in investment into better years ahead. So, I guess I'll start from the beginning.
So, last year, at the end, I wrote a long retrospect about going to MFF, and how i was ending the year off on a high note. And I was! I was in a great place. I was getting into shape, losing a good bit of weight, had a steady full time job (I worked in research at a hospital), which I was even being trained to take on a new role for. I had a physical at the start of the year, told my doctor about how my situation was improving, and she was happy for me. I have been seeing her for years at this point, and she was someone who helped me through a lot of anxiety, and other mental issues when I was younger, issues which I can proudly say I've since overcome. It was just a good momentum for me rolling into the start of the year, generally. I was even looking at moving into finding a place i would call my own.
Then, maybe a week or so later, I was pulled into a meeting, and was laid off. For "economic reasons". They had said at least 8 or 9 times that it had nothing to do with my performance.
So, yeah. At first, I didn't really let it sink in, since I was already considering applying to other jobs. Despite me being trained, I did feel that I should have been paid more than I was. Especially given that when they hired an assistant for me, he was being paid more than I was, which, yeah, I definitely resented that. Though I never really was vocal about it beyond a couple of coworkers, and a brief talk with my boss about it. They never really could give me a straight answer, so I was passively applying to other jobs.
But nothing ever came of it. The problem with research where I live is it's a lot less to do with what you know, and more to do with who you know. Places like Indeed or LinkedIn are just filled with scams that are just looking to harvest personal data off your resume. Most jobs that go up on local job boards for my field are already filled before the postings go up. They only post the job for legal reasons, but they already have the person picked out for the job in advance. Even among people I asked for favors in that regard all ended up apologizing, citing the lack of new positions, and economic reasons for being unable to hire me. And I'd made a good deal of connections during my time at my job.
So, yeah. That was generally a pretty solid hit to my motivation for things. I spent the next while just throwing my resume at jobs, sitting around the house trying to occupy myself, eating way too much takeout (which is ironic, i suppose, given what I draw), and just generally being a bump on a log. Naturally any progress I'd made on my fitness more or less went out the window, I gained back pretty much everything I'd lost and then some. Who'd have thought sitting around doing nothing and eating takeout would make you gain weight?
But yeah, it was uh .... not exactly a great time. I more or less floated through the days, applying to jobs and just not really doing much else. I am definitely a creature of habit, so losing a steady full time job definitely threw me for a loop, the other issues notwithstanding.
But then one day I got an email for an interview. Not for a job, though. On top of applying for jobs while I was at work, I also ended up applying to school alongside most of my coworkers. All of the people I shared an office with, none of us were really satisfied with where we were, and they were all applying to go back to school. We were all applying to various programs, helping each other study for our appropriate entry tests and reviewing any papers we had to submit. While I did apply, prior to being jobless, my attitude was if i had to choose between going back to school, and going to a better paying job, I'd take the job. I'm in my late 20s, I've graduated from post-secondary school twice already. Though after being laid off, and not really getting any responses after months, I figured I'd take whatever I'd get at that point.
So I took the interview, which, was one of those self recoreded type "interviews" where you just answer questions in a given span of time, you get one shot. It was similar to a "morality test" I had to take when I initially applied. And before you ask, it was basically you were given a situation like "your catch your coworker stealing money from the till, they tell you that it's to help cover rent for her family. You boss has also mentioned that the store's profits were very thin before these losses, and these losses could result in the store having to cut hours or let people go, what do you do?" And you're given 5 minutes to explain what and why you'd do certain things.
Anyway, I did it, and it was another few months of waiting before I finally got a message offering me admission. So, I got into school, and I'm now on my way to becoming a radiation therapist! Which, definitely did a lot to help me. I had something to focus on again.
That being said, having gone from work to school? School sucks. At least when I finished my work for the day, I could go home and not think about it. Something came in as a last minute request? That's a tomorrow problem. With school, on top of having similar hours and commute times, I'd still have to go and do more work when I got home. I don't miss it at all. And it even got kind of stressful, to be honest. I started being unable to have any time to myself, much less to hang with friends. But, I managed to get through the semester with good grades, and passed all my courses. And hey, I even got to make new friends, too!
So, the last part of the year has been comparitively better that the rest of the year, but I still felt frustrated for a lot of it. As I said before, I'm in my late 20s, i should be living on my own, not with family (Though I am thankful they are understanding of my situation.) And this isn't the first time something like this has happened. Before covid, I was an intern at a different hospital for research, with the potential to be hired at the end of my internship. But my internship ended during the pandemic, and the head of the lab had to apologize profusely to me, saying they simply didn't have the money to hire me.
So I've had a bit of a cycle of getting into a position to go into a career, then getting denied said career because money. Anyway, once I complete this program, I'll be eligible to work pretty much anywhere in Canada and the US. So I won't be limited to places that are near me. Not to mention, I also do in field placements during this program, and every professional in the field I've spoken to has said that they need more people to work, and a lot of people get hired on graduation. So we'll see if that holds true.
So, yeah. I'm in a good place now, but not without the first half of the year being kind of not so great. I'm still optimistic for the future, as I was last year.
So, last year, at the end, I wrote a long retrospect about going to MFF, and how i was ending the year off on a high note. And I was! I was in a great place. I was getting into shape, losing a good bit of weight, had a steady full time job (I worked in research at a hospital), which I was even being trained to take on a new role for. I had a physical at the start of the year, told my doctor about how my situation was improving, and she was happy for me. I have been seeing her for years at this point, and she was someone who helped me through a lot of anxiety, and other mental issues when I was younger, issues which I can proudly say I've since overcome. It was just a good momentum for me rolling into the start of the year, generally. I was even looking at moving into finding a place i would call my own.
Then, maybe a week or so later, I was pulled into a meeting, and was laid off. For "economic reasons". They had said at least 8 or 9 times that it had nothing to do with my performance.
So, yeah. At first, I didn't really let it sink in, since I was already considering applying to other jobs. Despite me being trained, I did feel that I should have been paid more than I was. Especially given that when they hired an assistant for me, he was being paid more than I was, which, yeah, I definitely resented that. Though I never really was vocal about it beyond a couple of coworkers, and a brief talk with my boss about it. They never really could give me a straight answer, so I was passively applying to other jobs.
But nothing ever came of it. The problem with research where I live is it's a lot less to do with what you know, and more to do with who you know. Places like Indeed or LinkedIn are just filled with scams that are just looking to harvest personal data off your resume. Most jobs that go up on local job boards for my field are already filled before the postings go up. They only post the job for legal reasons, but they already have the person picked out for the job in advance. Even among people I asked for favors in that regard all ended up apologizing, citing the lack of new positions, and economic reasons for being unable to hire me. And I'd made a good deal of connections during my time at my job.
So, yeah. That was generally a pretty solid hit to my motivation for things. I spent the next while just throwing my resume at jobs, sitting around the house trying to occupy myself, eating way too much takeout (which is ironic, i suppose, given what I draw), and just generally being a bump on a log. Naturally any progress I'd made on my fitness more or less went out the window, I gained back pretty much everything I'd lost and then some. Who'd have thought sitting around doing nothing and eating takeout would make you gain weight?
But yeah, it was uh .... not exactly a great time. I more or less floated through the days, applying to jobs and just not really doing much else. I am definitely a creature of habit, so losing a steady full time job definitely threw me for a loop, the other issues notwithstanding.
But then one day I got an email for an interview. Not for a job, though. On top of applying for jobs while I was at work, I also ended up applying to school alongside most of my coworkers. All of the people I shared an office with, none of us were really satisfied with where we were, and they were all applying to go back to school. We were all applying to various programs, helping each other study for our appropriate entry tests and reviewing any papers we had to submit. While I did apply, prior to being jobless, my attitude was if i had to choose between going back to school, and going to a better paying job, I'd take the job. I'm in my late 20s, I've graduated from post-secondary school twice already. Though after being laid off, and not really getting any responses after months, I figured I'd take whatever I'd get at that point.
So I took the interview, which, was one of those self recoreded type "interviews" where you just answer questions in a given span of time, you get one shot. It was similar to a "morality test" I had to take when I initially applied. And before you ask, it was basically you were given a situation like "your catch your coworker stealing money from the till, they tell you that it's to help cover rent for her family. You boss has also mentioned that the store's profits were very thin before these losses, and these losses could result in the store having to cut hours or let people go, what do you do?" And you're given 5 minutes to explain what and why you'd do certain things.
Anyway, I did it, and it was another few months of waiting before I finally got a message offering me admission. So, I got into school, and I'm now on my way to becoming a radiation therapist! Which, definitely did a lot to help me. I had something to focus on again.
That being said, having gone from work to school? School sucks. At least when I finished my work for the day, I could go home and not think about it. Something came in as a last minute request? That's a tomorrow problem. With school, on top of having similar hours and commute times, I'd still have to go and do more work when I got home. I don't miss it at all. And it even got kind of stressful, to be honest. I started being unable to have any time to myself, much less to hang with friends. But, I managed to get through the semester with good grades, and passed all my courses. And hey, I even got to make new friends, too!
So, the last part of the year has been comparitively better that the rest of the year, but I still felt frustrated for a lot of it. As I said before, I'm in my late 20s, i should be living on my own, not with family (Though I am thankful they are understanding of my situation.) And this isn't the first time something like this has happened. Before covid, I was an intern at a different hospital for research, with the potential to be hired at the end of my internship. But my internship ended during the pandemic, and the head of the lab had to apologize profusely to me, saying they simply didn't have the money to hire me.
So I've had a bit of a cycle of getting into a position to go into a career, then getting denied said career because money. Anyway, once I complete this program, I'll be eligible to work pretty much anywhere in Canada and the US. So I won't be limited to places that are near me. Not to mention, I also do in field placements during this program, and every professional in the field I've spoken to has said that they need more people to work, and a lot of people get hired on graduation. So we'll see if that holds true.
So, yeah. I'm in a good place now, but not without the first half of the year being kind of not so great. I'm still optimistic for the future, as I was last year.
