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The ABSOLUTE State of 2024, Normal Edition
9 months ago
SO, it's been a hot minute, or a hot hour rather, and seems I fell off in general and off the face of the earth there for a bit. I'm back now though, and in the process of trying to get myself accustomed to returning to these parts.
... I know it shouldn't, because it's been two years already, but DAMMIT it feels like ever since 2023 brought on medical issues and left me financially struggling on and off since, things have been rough especially with how last year ramped up survival mode on my end to the point it just left me so uninspired and borderline lacking hope with motivations and morale low to the point I just felt massive burnout for a lot of 2024 up until the last few months.
It's like, HEY my body ain't dealing with bullshit pains anymore, THAT'S GREAT, but then ADHD kicked up SO MANY NOTCHES as a result from consistently needing to barely make what I need to at the end of each month, that my mind was so intent on just SURVIVING that it stopped paying attention to art, and then started bringing anxiety out all over again that my attention spun toward alleviating THAT next when need be that I was left mentally spread thin.
Somewhere along the way, a lot just fell flat with art, and it sucks that it happened to the thing I love doing. At the end of 2024 however, I was starting to chip away bit by bit with some slightly renewed vigor, and am resolute to make do with what I need to, and same goes to what I owe. SO, throughout the bs it seems like I'm FINALLY, but slowly, getting shit together.
I'm tired of messing up, mentally and with what I want to do. I keep holding myself back just because of having to survive ends meet, just because of tiny distractions, just because it feels like one little thing is too much, but screw it. I'm DONE, but not in a bad way.
I've just gotten so accustomed to being silent, that I'm sick of being quiet. Time to start having a presence here again, time to start growing, changing, and stop living in anxiety, fear, burnout, and all those other worthless shitty feelings that weighed me down ever since 2023
I said I was going to post backlog sometime back, and that's one of the first things I'll be working toward now that I want to be around here once more.
For those that I owe, as I said already, I am resolved to do what needs be.
Speaking of owing, I owe a lot to my partner who kept me sane for most of the last two years and kept my head on as best as they can.
2023...2024...you can both kiss my ass :))
... I know it shouldn't, because it's been two years already, but DAMMIT it feels like ever since 2023 brought on medical issues and left me financially struggling on and off since, things have been rough especially with how last year ramped up survival mode on my end to the point it just left me so uninspired and borderline lacking hope with motivations and morale low to the point I just felt massive burnout for a lot of 2024 up until the last few months.
It's like, HEY my body ain't dealing with bullshit pains anymore, THAT'S GREAT, but then ADHD kicked up SO MANY NOTCHES as a result from consistently needing to barely make what I need to at the end of each month, that my mind was so intent on just SURVIVING that it stopped paying attention to art, and then started bringing anxiety out all over again that my attention spun toward alleviating THAT next when need be that I was left mentally spread thin.
Somewhere along the way, a lot just fell flat with art, and it sucks that it happened to the thing I love doing. At the end of 2024 however, I was starting to chip away bit by bit with some slightly renewed vigor, and am resolute to make do with what I need to, and same goes to what I owe. SO, throughout the bs it seems like I'm FINALLY, but slowly, getting shit together.
I'm tired of messing up, mentally and with what I want to do. I keep holding myself back just because of having to survive ends meet, just because of tiny distractions, just because it feels like one little thing is too much, but screw it. I'm DONE, but not in a bad way.
I've just gotten so accustomed to being silent, that I'm sick of being quiet. Time to start having a presence here again, time to start growing, changing, and stop living in anxiety, fear, burnout, and all those other worthless shitty feelings that weighed me down ever since 2023
I said I was going to post backlog sometime back, and that's one of the first things I'll be working toward now that I want to be around here once more.
For those that I owe, as I said already, I am resolved to do what needs be.
Speaking of owing, I owe a lot to my partner who kept me sane for most of the last two years and kept my head on as best as they can.
2023...2024...you can both kiss my ass :))
keep your head up and stay positive as much as you can, but also take time for yourself if you need to!
I love you ♥