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The ABSOLUTE State of 2024
9 months ago
WELP. It was QUITE a year. It was also quite a mess. It was basically like 2023 Act II and I mentioned in a previous journal probably a year ago or so how I bit off more than I could chew with things.
Well a good portion of 2024 decided to be survival mode, struggling at the end of each month to make ends meet to where anxiety returned to rear its ugly head, ADHD ramped up tenfold, along with some other nasty mental bullshit that basically left me with a massive burnout that lasted on and off throughout all of last year. Needless to say, with how I wanted to constantly do what needs to be done, this was annoying and just left me uninspired and with very little motivation to do ANY kind of art, let alone anything I wanted to do that had to do with art, or writing, or so on. My mind was wired only to just SURVIVE, to stave off anxiety in between and just be left so mentally spread thin.
I secluded myself in so many servers and stayed quiet. I hated myself harder than I had already done so. What's more, I was working with someone irl that CONSTANTLY drained me mentally and in a shift with hours and position that added to the mental drainage that it felt like I was just a husk through a lot of last year. To say the proclaimed year of the dragon was total ass would be an understatement. But, hey, at least I don't have to deal with bullshit physical pains anymore like I did in 2023 so that's good at least!
It just felt like I was thrown out of the physical oven and tossed into the mental frier. I'm glad I'm no longer dealing with the actual pains, but to follow up with mental hell is just. What the fuck did I do to have this thrown my way? It's ridiculous.
Even more so, even though I was silent, I was privy to what was going on around here in FA, the policies, and everything that's out for blood on our side of the fandom here and it just added to the prolonging of any word happening here. I wasn't sure how to feel about this account, or the future here. I kept doubting myself as an artist seeing other artists grow. Everything was so uncertain...
BUT...ever since the last few months of 2024, I started breaking through. I started to reconnect and re-establish ties and now. I'm just DONE. I'M DONE, but NOT in a bad way.
I'm done being quiet. I'm done living in burnout, anxiety, and any other shitty feeling that weighed me down ever since 2023. It's been hurtful to me, and to anyone that worked with me between then, and yall deserve a better version of me, a new but returned version I intend to be
I'm done holding myself back. I have something here and folks have reminded me of that. I have some kind of potential here, and it's going to go to waste unless I change, unless I start making noise and remind not just everyone around, but especially myself... I AM AN ARTIST
For those I still owe, you have NOT been forgotten. I will still do what I need to do and owe what I have to.
I still intend to post backlog here of old comms, old art, and with gradually renewing vigor, I will make that one of the first things I do for my return. As for FA itself, if I end up getting hit with any violations or outright suspensions or banned because of whatever backlog I start posting, so be it. I'll find a way to still be around and already have ideas in place. I have Discord, and in addition to that, I now have Telegram active again after months of not being able to access it for some reason, so there's two fall-backs already.
But, yea. I just wanna thank any new followers in my absence for watching me, and for those bating their breath for my return, thank you for your patience and I hope this explains a lot of why I haven't been around. I'm just tired, and done, and ready to break free and move on from the hold that's been over me. Time to keep showing this new generation that I'm not down and out yet and still have something to show.
SO, 2023, 2024, kiss my ass, kiss it if it's padded or kiss it raw, but kiss my damn ass regardless :))
Well a good portion of 2024 decided to be survival mode, struggling at the end of each month to make ends meet to where anxiety returned to rear its ugly head, ADHD ramped up tenfold, along with some other nasty mental bullshit that basically left me with a massive burnout that lasted on and off throughout all of last year. Needless to say, with how I wanted to constantly do what needs to be done, this was annoying and just left me uninspired and with very little motivation to do ANY kind of art, let alone anything I wanted to do that had to do with art, or writing, or so on. My mind was wired only to just SURVIVE, to stave off anxiety in between and just be left so mentally spread thin.
I secluded myself in so many servers and stayed quiet. I hated myself harder than I had already done so. What's more, I was working with someone irl that CONSTANTLY drained me mentally and in a shift with hours and position that added to the mental drainage that it felt like I was just a husk through a lot of last year. To say the proclaimed year of the dragon was total ass would be an understatement. But, hey, at least I don't have to deal with bullshit physical pains anymore like I did in 2023 so that's good at least!
It just felt like I was thrown out of the physical oven and tossed into the mental frier. I'm glad I'm no longer dealing with the actual pains, but to follow up with mental hell is just. What the fuck did I do to have this thrown my way? It's ridiculous.
Even more so, even though I was silent, I was privy to what was going on around here in FA, the policies, and everything that's out for blood on our side of the fandom here and it just added to the prolonging of any word happening here. I wasn't sure how to feel about this account, or the future here. I kept doubting myself as an artist seeing other artists grow. Everything was so uncertain...
BUT...ever since the last few months of 2024, I started breaking through. I started to reconnect and re-establish ties and now. I'm just DONE. I'M DONE, but NOT in a bad way.
I'm done being quiet. I'm done living in burnout, anxiety, and any other shitty feeling that weighed me down ever since 2023. It's been hurtful to me, and to anyone that worked with me between then, and yall deserve a better version of me, a new but returned version I intend to be
I'm done holding myself back. I have something here and folks have reminded me of that. I have some kind of potential here, and it's going to go to waste unless I change, unless I start making noise and remind not just everyone around, but especially myself... I AM AN ARTIST
For those I still owe, you have NOT been forgotten. I will still do what I need to do and owe what I have to.
I still intend to post backlog here of old comms, old art, and with gradually renewing vigor, I will make that one of the first things I do for my return. As for FA itself, if I end up getting hit with any violations or outright suspensions or banned because of whatever backlog I start posting, so be it. I'll find a way to still be around and already have ideas in place. I have Discord, and in addition to that, I now have Telegram active again after months of not being able to access it for some reason, so there's two fall-backs already.
But, yea. I just wanna thank any new followers in my absence for watching me, and for those bating their breath for my return, thank you for your patience and I hope this explains a lot of why I haven't been around. I'm just tired, and done, and ready to break free and move on from the hold that's been over me. Time to keep showing this new generation that I'm not down and out yet and still have something to show.
SO, 2023, 2024, kiss my ass, kiss it if it's padded or kiss it raw, but kiss my damn ass regardless :))
Looking forward to the day you post a whole bunch of your good stuff <3