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Big update. Hiatus. Bad things. (CW: Suicide)
8 months ago
... And so we've reached the final chapter of the drama with my stepfather.
The past four or so years with him have been a mess.
You can read the full journals here:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
But to summarize: He cheated on my disabled mother twice with his ex from over 20 years ago. He lost his job. He tried to sell my house out from under us. He held all the money hostage so Mom couldn't go anywhere. He racked up 11 thousand dollars in credit card debt on stupid things, in secret. He was very much an absent father for my youngest brother and basically told us none of us meant as much to him as his old ex. (Who, for the record, said she wanted nothing to do with him and took every opportunity to hurt him.) He was the worst house mate, a total slob, grouchy, rude, and I hate to say I can't find a single nice thing to say about him. A single good memory.
Because... on the 31st of December, the last day of 2024, he left the house, with a gun, and took his own life. He didn't leave a note so we will never know why or what he was doing there. He didn't tell anything to any of us.
And I have no fucking idea how to feel about it. I think the worst part is the 30th was his birthday and I didn't get to even tell him Happy Birthday. He basically hid in his room for four years, I just... I hadn't seen him in days, I assumed I'd just... tell him when I saw him next. That's gonna fuck me up forever I think.
I'm talking with my therapist tomorrow. I dunno when I'll get back to art. Right now all my energy is being used to be there for my Mom. The saddest part is that she still loved him, after all that.
I didn't like him. But nobody wanted this.
UPDATE 1/3/2025
Not really related, other than how completely not normal it all is, but I didn't want to make a new journal so soon after this one... Had a bit of a spook tonight. 4-5 shots fired waaaay too close to my house for comfort. Cop cars. Sirens. Lights. At least one helicopter. We're all okay but it was very alarming! I live in a very nice neighborhood and this never happens here. I'd never even heard gunshots before.
I can see crime tape being put up in our neighbor's yard. The same house as the guys who lit our back yard on fire last July when a firework went over the wall. They had two kids with them then, I hope they're both okay.
This week has been so bizarre.
The past four or so years with him have been a mess.
You can read the full journals here:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
But to summarize: He cheated on my disabled mother twice with his ex from over 20 years ago. He lost his job. He tried to sell my house out from under us. He held all the money hostage so Mom couldn't go anywhere. He racked up 11 thousand dollars in credit card debt on stupid things, in secret. He was very much an absent father for my youngest brother and basically told us none of us meant as much to him as his old ex. (Who, for the record, said she wanted nothing to do with him and took every opportunity to hurt him.) He was the worst house mate, a total slob, grouchy, rude, and I hate to say I can't find a single nice thing to say about him. A single good memory.
Because... on the 31st of December, the last day of 2024, he left the house, with a gun, and took his own life. He didn't leave a note so we will never know why or what he was doing there. He didn't tell anything to any of us.
And I have no fucking idea how to feel about it. I think the worst part is the 30th was his birthday and I didn't get to even tell him Happy Birthday. He basically hid in his room for four years, I just... I hadn't seen him in days, I assumed I'd just... tell him when I saw him next. That's gonna fuck me up forever I think.
I'm talking with my therapist tomorrow. I dunno when I'll get back to art. Right now all my energy is being used to be there for my Mom. The saddest part is that she still loved him, after all that.
I didn't like him. But nobody wanted this.
UPDATE 1/3/2025
Not really related, other than how completely not normal it all is, but I didn't want to make a new journal so soon after this one... Had a bit of a spook tonight. 4-5 shots fired waaaay too close to my house for comfort. Cop cars. Sirens. Lights. At least one helicopter. We're all okay but it was very alarming! I live in a very nice neighborhood and this never happens here. I'd never even heard gunshots before.
I can see crime tape being put up in our neighbor's yard. The same house as the guys who lit our back yard on fire last July when a firework went over the wall. They had two kids with them then, I hope they're both okay.
This week has been so bizarre.
Take all the time you need right now to be with your family and try to heal from that all. I am sure your friends and fans here on FA will fully understand you.
If you’re the kind of person that feels bad that they didn’t get the chance to wish someone like that a happy birthday, I think you’re way more mature and forgiving than most people out there. I know I’m not like that, would just be relieved he was dead.
The birthday thing I think was mostly shock. The realization that I'd never get to say it to him, or anything else, because he was... gone. It still doesn't really feel real.