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Thoughts and Prayers
a year ago
General
Had a little back and forth with the aunt, in regards to care and getting to a better place. I'll spare you the actual post because it does not speak highly of her, and I'd like to think that if you don't have nice things to say, you shouldn't say it, but honestly I'm tired.
In this case, I'll say the general not nice things.
* It is amazingly disrespectful to tell me all the sorts of medical/emotional care I need, and act like I can afford it.
* I do not need to be told that God has a plan for me when those who preach the word of God speak words and perform no actions.
* I definitely don't get to fucking choose to have a good day when I am depressed and ill. I spent Thursday morning recovering from a seizure. No major damage, but hours with the neck and right shoulder just shaking themselves into more and more pain. I do not get to choose to make that go away, and I certainly don't have the money to pursue care to even attempt to make it go away.
* I do not want to hear from someone going on a fucking cruise in a month that life is about looking on the sunny side.
They come from a world where gumption and hard work are rewarded. I do not. I come from a world where I cannot have nice things.
I do, in fact, have a nice bed for my back, and it was very helpful. I earned it with my own money. Where is it? At dad's house, in the attic. I couldn't take it to Alaska, and I don't have room in the BnB. Where is the nice recliner I had? In his guest room, because chairs are more important than people.
I sold my car to go to Alaska to work, and that was the dealbreaker from the company there was my lack of transportation.
Dad suggested that to pay the rent, I should sell the rustbucket I saved up to get this year. Actual meaningful progress that allows me to look for jobs that need transportation, that allows me to function in society, and he wants me to throw it away for survival.
He's not coming to visit this weekend. He's going on vacation.
Why should I keep applying for jobs that will not hire me? Why should I seek help when all I get are thoughts and prayers from people who have everything? Hard work is not rewarded, and progress is put on the altar of sacrifice for continued survival.
I'm afraid one of these days I won't be able to pick myself back up again.
In this case, I'll say the general not nice things.
* It is amazingly disrespectful to tell me all the sorts of medical/emotional care I need, and act like I can afford it.
* I do not need to be told that God has a plan for me when those who preach the word of God speak words and perform no actions.
* I definitely don't get to fucking choose to have a good day when I am depressed and ill. I spent Thursday morning recovering from a seizure. No major damage, but hours with the neck and right shoulder just shaking themselves into more and more pain. I do not get to choose to make that go away, and I certainly don't have the money to pursue care to even attempt to make it go away.
* I do not want to hear from someone going on a fucking cruise in a month that life is about looking on the sunny side.
They come from a world where gumption and hard work are rewarded. I do not. I come from a world where I cannot have nice things.
I do, in fact, have a nice bed for my back, and it was very helpful. I earned it with my own money. Where is it? At dad's house, in the attic. I couldn't take it to Alaska, and I don't have room in the BnB. Where is the nice recliner I had? In his guest room, because chairs are more important than people.
I sold my car to go to Alaska to work, and that was the dealbreaker from the company there was my lack of transportation.
Dad suggested that to pay the rent, I should sell the rustbucket I saved up to get this year. Actual meaningful progress that allows me to look for jobs that need transportation, that allows me to function in society, and he wants me to throw it away for survival.
He's not coming to visit this weekend. He's going on vacation.
Why should I keep applying for jobs that will not hire me? Why should I seek help when all I get are thoughts and prayers from people who have everything? Hard work is not rewarded, and progress is put on the altar of sacrifice for continued survival.
I'm afraid one of these days I won't be able to pick myself back up again.
I've had more help from my online friends than I've ever had from my "family".
I put the shopping cart back. I give it to others who are looking for one instead of stuffing it in the rack for them to fetch.
God botherers pray that someone puts the cart back for them, and praise god for those who are more charitable than them.