did I tell anyone about my new job? I'm working at a doggy dude ranch :3 It's a boarding kennel, basically. Anyway seasonal business is here. I've been working pretty much every day for 4 days, from 7:30 am to 6pm. The only day I really have off is Christmas @_@

It's an okay job. I love playing with the dogs. It's a bit stressful because not all dogs get along during play group. Some of them just have issues. Like my boss's foster dog, Lily, will ninja climb fences to get to her if she's not in the yard. Jeeves, a golden retriever is afraid of cars and airplanes and tries to dig his way out of the yard. Today we had a one year old Akita come and he's been trying to dominate everyone in the yard. He's even growled at me a few times. So next time he growls at me I am to dump the bucket of cold water on top of his head xD

The only problems I have are adjustment issues. I'm a little overwhelmed sometimes. I forget things easily and I'm afraid to do things without permission. It's not that I'm dumb or anything. I just get nervous and fumble.

But I'm trying. This isn't something I want to do for the rest of my life, but it is something that I care about. I'm learning and at the end of the day I feel accomplished and tired out like I did something worth the effort instead of coming home after a job in retail and feeling like my life is going nowhere. I still feel like that sometimes, but at least this way I feel like I'm doing something worth the energy. And I'm really proud of myself when I do good and helpful things. I also love getting to know the dogs, gaining their trust, communicating with them, looking after them. The potential risk of fights is the only thing that worries me, because I was caught in the middle of a few when I was little, and have been bit by my husky a few times, but I realize that comes with the territory. You never know what may set off a dog one day or who will be in a bad mood and pick fights. Like the Akita that came, I loved on and he was totally fine. But in the yard he was a total jerk, growling and everything. And my boss told me ways to just stand my ground and let him know I'm boss.

I already have buddies there too. Charlie, the black lab, Tru a doberman, Oscar, a beagle, Ginger, a german shepard, and Quinn, my boss's Great Pyrenese. Jeeves isn't so bad either, he's just a huge oaf who won't give me the damn ball. I'm even starting to become buddies with a very stuck up annoying Sheltie named Bella, who has to bark endlessly at me to tell me ALL she knows, and then bitch at me when I trick her into going in her room. I try to touch her just to irritate her, and she's started biting the tail of my coat and the top of my boots. I don't know if that's in a "you, servant" way or a "now you are my friend" way or a "i hate you but I'm too good looking to actually attack you" way.

But after the first of the year, I get to take Maggie with me to work :) so that'll be fun!

my gripes?

I don't get along with my boss.... she's very intimidating. She talks down to me a lot and tries to tell me how to live my life. She'll say things like "you're too old to..." or treat me like I'm dumb when I forget to do things or don't know the answers that are common sense but I'm too afraid to really apply myself. We have a lot in common but I find it hard to open up to people, especially when they are spending so much time throwing my "immaturity" in my face and trying to put me in my place when I haven't done anything. I also don't enjoy being belittled or talked down to when people don't know shit about me or my life. I know it's just a job, but I don't open up to just anyone. I pick and choose those I trust, and you have to really give me a reason to trust you that much. If all you do is talk down to me or treat me like crap, then I pretty much won't have anything to do with you. That's just how I am. I'm not saying it's right, I'm not making excuses. That's just how I am.

But I continually screw up because she's so SCARY. I'm afraid to even pee without permission. And when she has a bad day, she takes it out on me. If i make mistakes, it becomes a big deal. Like I was late one day because I had set my alarm for 5 minutes later than my usual wake up time and of course phone alarms being as "dependable" as they are, my mom ended up waking me up. I am rarely ever late for ANYthing and if I am, I'm really hard on myself. I hate to disappoint people or to give them different results than what I'm used to. I like to impress and surprise people, and that's probably why I'm not fired yet because every time I make a mistake I kick it up so that I'm doing things without being asked and busting my ass to get things done. She probably hasn't fired me because I'm good with the dogs and they don't freak me out. (Although I didn't know Goldens were THAT big...) but I guess that's why, if you watch my twitter or my LJ, I've been constantly UNHAPPY. Because I'm extremely hard on myself and lately it seems like I'm ALWAYS failing.

Life is just tough, and I try not to complain, but I have no other way to vent, you know?

So, I'm toughing it out. After these 2 weeks are over I hope I can go back to the weekend schedule. because I really can't take this job every day of the week, especially when I'm trying to work hard for a job/life that I REALLY want. That or go back to school.

But! that's another journal for another day. Just wanted to let you all know what I've been up to, and if I'm not back by then... everyone have a Merry Christmas. this seems to be everyone's bad year, but I wish the best for everyone. Night all. Sleep calls.

~Ajah