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[Venting + General Update]
8 months ago
💜💜💜 hihi its me yah boi.
Lifes been, good and bad as normal I suppose. This is kinda a vent so read on if you want to after knowing that.
Today my dental crown was finished which was my good thing of the day though I still have some cavities that have passed the enamel layer and need treatment fairly quickly[like within this year] it could be far worse since I at least don't need another root canal. On top of that my housing was threatened, though this isn't the first time it's happened haha. I don't really talk about it on social media since I never really wanted to feel like anyone supported me out of pure pity so well I'd vent occasionally about money issues I don't think I've ever said much about my home life.
It's not great, I mean it could be worse. There used to be much more violence and death threats but those haven't happened much since around 8 years ago. It's mostly emotional and financial abuse now which I've considered... manageable. I don't know if I agree with that thought anymore though, I shouldn't be treated this way regardless if I can grit and bear it.
To speak vaguely well still giving the gist of things, any time I have decent income my mother demands more money from me so I've never been able to save enough to move out. I've tried hiding my income from her of course but if I spend money on myself too often that she sees she'll just assume my income anyways. In theory I could just not pay her rent but of course at my age she legally can just toss me out. It doesn't help I have monthly payments I have to make to the government too. If my mother doesn't like how I act in really any way she deems unacceptable she'll throw a fit, it really doesn't matter what I do if she needs someone to scream at that day she'll find a reason. It can be that I ate something that she bought for my brother to eat, she'll call me selfish and insult me over that. It can be that the house is a bit untidy, she'll scream and rant about how much she does for me and how I'm a self centred entitled whatever.
She expects the world from me but nothing from my brother and it's always been this way, pure first born favouritism, he's the golden child and I'm the worthless one in her eyes. I've been cleaning our house like a maid since 10 years old, doing the sweeping, mopping, dinners, laundry, pet care, the bathrooms, everything. My brother dropped out of highschool in 10th grade and has never done chores nor had a job, she still makes him lunches and does his laundry and changes his bedding for him all he has to do is play video games, watch anime and exist. This all isn't to say she should hate him but more if she doesn't hate him then she sure as shit shouldn't hate me as much as she clearly does.
When I got my first job she demanded half my paycheck as rent, I had to pay for my own dentist and glasses as a minor, she didnt take me to the doctors.
When she feels particularly malicious she'll threaten my housing about how if I don't like things I should move out when she knows I cannot afford to. She'll threaten this over pretty much anything, the reason she'd say this was never consistent, it could be we argued that day, could be the dishes ain't done, could be I didn't reply to her text in time. She's freaked out over me taking more then just 10 minutes to reply before even, blowing up my phone with angry rants very similar to what you see on R/insaneparents if you've ever seen one of those reddit reading videos. I've wanted to move out for the past decade but it wasn't possible. I didn't have any local support systems and finally I do have one this past year-ish.
My one friend is moving houses in about 6 months, they suggested I move in and after some consideration and talking with my gf I agreed as it seemed like a good idea. Really anything to get out of here. I wouldn't dare detail this on any of my other more mainstream social platforms, she found my @ hellscap3 socials years ago and this is likely the only platform she doesn't know about. I have banned her on insta, twitter and tiktok but its not impossible she's got alt accounts or wouldn't look at them well logged out on platforms that that's an option.
Another couple reasons I would like to move out that I've been just dealing with for years:
-My mother will hold ANYTHING over my head, buying me a snack, letting me live in her home, raising me [if you can even call it that], FEEDING ME growing up as if that isnt a basic fucking thing. Plus I starved MANY nights growing up so she didn't even do that, if anything she did the opposite and would scrape food off my plate and onto my brothers telling me I didn't need to eat that much and he's a growing boy that actually needs it!
- my older brother also lives with us, he used to beat/strangle me for over a decade of violent abuse [mom would blame me for making him mad]
- My mother still allows her step father into our household despite knowing he's a pedo that molested many young kids in our family and even to this day he tries to touch me if he can reach me to 'tickle' me when she has him over. I try to avoid him but she never warns me he'll be over so I often get surprised by a pedo in my home.
- despite my mothers physical abuse being mild [occasional hit on the arm] she once pulled a knife on me during conversation. I fear she might one day stab me and this fear is intense any time shes holding a knife or gets irrationally mad with me which is guaranteed to happen at least twice a month.
- my disabilities are not taken seriously within my household, my mother always pushes the goal post despite my pain. Despite doing chores, working from home, having seasonal employment she'll dismiss my hard work and my joint condition with a simple "You're young you should be able to handle more work" this is normally because she doesn't want to do something and wants to make me do it for her.
There's more then that of course, the daily mental abuse and games she plays, she'll scream at me one minute and then come back 10 minutes later acting like nothing happened and act like we have a 'loving family bond', its just tiring. I'm so tired of dealing with her. I need out of this home this year, I can't wait longer and feel sane.
That being said my content on this platform may get more product/ych heavy as I'll be raising as much as I can so I can move out guaranteed. If this plan falls though like all my other move out plans have... Well idk what I'd do but it wouldn't be good probably. Not to be dark about it but I'd rather die than live with her any longer then that 6 months I have to wait at this point. I hate her, I've hated her most my life probably since I started to understand that how I was treated by her wasn't normal.
I just don't want to have to see her ever again.
If you could share my ychs, share my posts on other platforms, join me on my streams -- anything to support me to make this happen so I can finally escape her it would mean the world to me. I get its a rough time for everyone financially these years so if you can't support financially I totally understand please don't incur any debt for me. However please support me in all the free ways out there, I know I haven't spoken about this situation over the years so maybe it seems unrealistic but I can provide texts if that works as some kinda evidence if its needed. Just please, help me.
Sorry for the heavy topic of a rant here, I spoke more then I intended to in this post but I'm sick of holding it back so I won't be cutting anything from what I wrote. Despite the themes of this post I hope everyone's doing well, as well as you can be in this tough world at least. Stay strong if you also are going through hard times.
Thank you for all the support over the years sincerely, it's kept me going though everything. Art has been my escape from life for the longest time and it's turned into one of my biggest passions in life. I love that I've been able to earn as much as I have from it over my years on this site, it really makes me feel like my dream of being an artist could be reality.
I hope if you reading this are having a bad day that something good will happen soon. Have a great week y'all, also I would appreciate any comments of support you have to offer if you'd like. My spirits are a little low right now haha
Thanks for reading ^^
-Emmy
Lifes been, good and bad as normal I suppose. This is kinda a vent so read on if you want to after knowing that.
Today my dental crown was finished which was my good thing of the day though I still have some cavities that have passed the enamel layer and need treatment fairly quickly[like within this year] it could be far worse since I at least don't need another root canal. On top of that my housing was threatened, though this isn't the first time it's happened haha. I don't really talk about it on social media since I never really wanted to feel like anyone supported me out of pure pity so well I'd vent occasionally about money issues I don't think I've ever said much about my home life.
It's not great, I mean it could be worse. There used to be much more violence and death threats but those haven't happened much since around 8 years ago. It's mostly emotional and financial abuse now which I've considered... manageable. I don't know if I agree with that thought anymore though, I shouldn't be treated this way regardless if I can grit and bear it.
To speak vaguely well still giving the gist of things, any time I have decent income my mother demands more money from me so I've never been able to save enough to move out. I've tried hiding my income from her of course but if I spend money on myself too often that she sees she'll just assume my income anyways. In theory I could just not pay her rent but of course at my age she legally can just toss me out. It doesn't help I have monthly payments I have to make to the government too. If my mother doesn't like how I act in really any way she deems unacceptable she'll throw a fit, it really doesn't matter what I do if she needs someone to scream at that day she'll find a reason. It can be that I ate something that she bought for my brother to eat, she'll call me selfish and insult me over that. It can be that the house is a bit untidy, she'll scream and rant about how much she does for me and how I'm a self centred entitled whatever.
She expects the world from me but nothing from my brother and it's always been this way, pure first born favouritism, he's the golden child and I'm the worthless one in her eyes. I've been cleaning our house like a maid since 10 years old, doing the sweeping, mopping, dinners, laundry, pet care, the bathrooms, everything. My brother dropped out of highschool in 10th grade and has never done chores nor had a job, she still makes him lunches and does his laundry and changes his bedding for him all he has to do is play video games, watch anime and exist. This all isn't to say she should hate him but more if she doesn't hate him then she sure as shit shouldn't hate me as much as she clearly does.
When I got my first job she demanded half my paycheck as rent, I had to pay for my own dentist and glasses as a minor, she didnt take me to the doctors.
When she feels particularly malicious she'll threaten my housing about how if I don't like things I should move out when she knows I cannot afford to. She'll threaten this over pretty much anything, the reason she'd say this was never consistent, it could be we argued that day, could be the dishes ain't done, could be I didn't reply to her text in time. She's freaked out over me taking more then just 10 minutes to reply before even, blowing up my phone with angry rants very similar to what you see on R/insaneparents if you've ever seen one of those reddit reading videos. I've wanted to move out for the past decade but it wasn't possible. I didn't have any local support systems and finally I do have one this past year-ish.
My one friend is moving houses in about 6 months, they suggested I move in and after some consideration and talking with my gf I agreed as it seemed like a good idea. Really anything to get out of here. I wouldn't dare detail this on any of my other more mainstream social platforms, she found my @ hellscap3 socials years ago and this is likely the only platform she doesn't know about. I have banned her on insta, twitter and tiktok but its not impossible she's got alt accounts or wouldn't look at them well logged out on platforms that that's an option.
Another couple reasons I would like to move out that I've been just dealing with for years:
-My mother will hold ANYTHING over my head, buying me a snack, letting me live in her home, raising me [if you can even call it that], FEEDING ME growing up as if that isnt a basic fucking thing. Plus I starved MANY nights growing up so she didn't even do that, if anything she did the opposite and would scrape food off my plate and onto my brothers telling me I didn't need to eat that much and he's a growing boy that actually needs it!
- my older brother also lives with us, he used to beat/strangle me for over a decade of violent abuse [mom would blame me for making him mad]
- My mother still allows her step father into our household despite knowing he's a pedo that molested many young kids in our family and even to this day he tries to touch me if he can reach me to 'tickle' me when she has him over. I try to avoid him but she never warns me he'll be over so I often get surprised by a pedo in my home.
- despite my mothers physical abuse being mild [occasional hit on the arm] she once pulled a knife on me during conversation. I fear she might one day stab me and this fear is intense any time shes holding a knife or gets irrationally mad with me which is guaranteed to happen at least twice a month.
- my disabilities are not taken seriously within my household, my mother always pushes the goal post despite my pain. Despite doing chores, working from home, having seasonal employment she'll dismiss my hard work and my joint condition with a simple "You're young you should be able to handle more work" this is normally because she doesn't want to do something and wants to make me do it for her.
There's more then that of course, the daily mental abuse and games she plays, she'll scream at me one minute and then come back 10 minutes later acting like nothing happened and act like we have a 'loving family bond', its just tiring. I'm so tired of dealing with her. I need out of this home this year, I can't wait longer and feel sane.
That being said my content on this platform may get more product/ych heavy as I'll be raising as much as I can so I can move out guaranteed. If this plan falls though like all my other move out plans have... Well idk what I'd do but it wouldn't be good probably. Not to be dark about it but I'd rather die than live with her any longer then that 6 months I have to wait at this point. I hate her, I've hated her most my life probably since I started to understand that how I was treated by her wasn't normal.
I just don't want to have to see her ever again.
If you could share my ychs, share my posts on other platforms, join me on my streams -- anything to support me to make this happen so I can finally escape her it would mean the world to me. I get its a rough time for everyone financially these years so if you can't support financially I totally understand please don't incur any debt for me. However please support me in all the free ways out there, I know I haven't spoken about this situation over the years so maybe it seems unrealistic but I can provide texts if that works as some kinda evidence if its needed. Just please, help me.
Sorry for the heavy topic of a rant here, I spoke more then I intended to in this post but I'm sick of holding it back so I won't be cutting anything from what I wrote. Despite the themes of this post I hope everyone's doing well, as well as you can be in this tough world at least. Stay strong if you also are going through hard times.
Thank you for all the support over the years sincerely, it's kept me going though everything. Art has been my escape from life for the longest time and it's turned into one of my biggest passions in life. I love that I've been able to earn as much as I have from it over my years on this site, it really makes me feel like my dream of being an artist could be reality.
I hope if you reading this are having a bad day that something good will happen soon. Have a great week y'all, also I would appreciate any comments of support you have to offer if you'd like. My spirits are a little low right now haha
Thanks for reading ^^
-Emmy
Emmymonchy
~emilyporter
omg, I'mma PM you on discord because I feel like a comment won't suffice
willowcage
~willowcage
ah geez that sucks to learn about, ive been a big fan of your art for a little bit now, definitely keeping you a bit more on my radar for potential commissions going forward
Hellscap3
~lunaraesthetic
OP
thank you for that ^^ I appreciate your long term enjoyment of my content also! ty
