after a lot of thinking and self reflection. changing my mind about things. coming to conclusions and all that. i finally feel better. my head is clear. feel like i can talk again.
im making some much needed changes from here on out. like im tightening up my bubble. the people i really talk to. the people that support me. people i can actually call my friends.

but!

from here on out im going to take a different approach with everything that surrounds all of this stuff. like im going to just not care as much about things anymore. not in that kind of way but as in a way to where i can stay in a good headspace. like im no longer going to deal with people that try to be "friends" with me when all they want is just stuff from me. if someone tells me they're "going to do x thing for me." i'm not going to believe them. since i've been told that way too many times and nearly every single time nothing happens at all. get my hopes up for no reason just to get hurt in the end. hence why i say don't give me words. just show me. im not going to interact with bigger artists unless i get some equal treatment. if not then im not going to bother. no more one and done's. and a lot of other reasons that i just don't feel like listing off

like im just done with a lot of the stuff that's gone on and on and on for way too long. and now i'm constantly telling myself that none of this matters. just do what i want. it helps me out way more than you think. also i feel like im done trying to talk about my problems with things. like i'd rather just express them through my work cuz at least that way it feels more impactful. i don't know. we'll see with that. but when i do talk about my problems. it will be with the right people. those that understand me and get where im coming from with things yknow