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Borderline Personality Disorder
7 months ago
IN NOMINE SALVATORIS DOMINI
Hello.
I want to start by saying, I have been studying myself the past few years. It is hard to wrap my head around it, but I think I am finally getting it and getting better too.
I want to talk about a disease
I honestly wish that there was more awareness for this mental disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD.) A disease that has some theories in the 1940s, and in the 1980s picked up steam and is now in the DSM-III. I have it myself and it's a personality disorder.
It shares very similar symptoms to bipolar, but with varied differences and can be sort of treated with SSRIs but not fully like how there are medications to target bipolar specifically. I have been studying more and more, and trying to better myself. Find the triggers before the manifest into unreasonable anger.
The more I learn about it, the more I learn about myself. People with BPD do not know who they really are and their identity can shit from one moment to the next. They feel they're constantly changing depending the people they are with or the situation. But, have so solid sense of core identity. Sometimes I do feel like I am playing a role rather than be myself around certain people.
This can also mean self image and decisions about personal direction, long term goals. which are a challenge for people with BPD. Struggling with career choices and relationships and hobbies based on how we feel in the moment. One moment I feel like being a mechanic this week and the next week I feel like I should work in IT.
This is because of key aspect of feeling emptiness or being unfulfilled. People with BPD feel like they are always trying to fill void, but aren't sure what they are searching for: Be connection, purpose or identity.
Then there's the intense fear of abandonment. Easily triggered by a sense of withdrawal or rejection by others. Even small changes in behavior or communication can make a person with BPD feel like they are being abandoned. Such as a text message or phone call taking a few hours from people they are close with.
-Another example, when your friend lives with you as roommates and they have a boyfriend or girlfriend they want to move in with. Normal people will congratulate. People with BPD will likely feel rejected or abandoned: And this can create a strong surge of angry emotions. It feels like the roommate or friend is choosing someone else over the bond they share. The anger comes from a mix feelings of fear, hurt, and betrayal and feeling abandoned.
-Another example is when a place like a furry con. Your friends keep leaving you to wander off when such a place is meant to bring people together. It can feel we are left out in the cold. Especially feeling isolated or ignored in a place surrounded by crowds of people we do not know. This creates anger by the abandonment we feel and it can be amplified by flight or fight response being in such a overwhelming place.
The it all touches the deep feeling rejection, and people leaving people with BPD behind can feel devastating to the sufferer. Feeling unwanted or unimportant, which will trigger extreme emotions of anger. It can be a painful and paralyzing experience which I myself experience many-a-times to keep count.
At the same time the feeling off abandonment can create a push and pull effect where the sufferer will do things that will push people away before the person has a chance to leave. Or test the realtionship, or act in a way for the other person to get frustrated. This is a defensive mechanism of people with BPD to avoid feeling abandoned first. This can also what is called splitting. where the sufferer sees the person all good or all bad depending on the sufferer's emotional state.
This can make relationships with a person with BPD very rocky and unstable as one day they feel they are loved and the next day they feel alone, lost and unwanted and they test you or do things to frustrate you. The feeling if rejection is absolutely painful, so all this testing and doing things to make a relationship tense is a defensive mechanism than a offensive. it is all to avoid the pain of abandonment first. The feeling of abandonment or rejection is extremely painful to the sufferer.
People with BPD are prone to risky behaviors. Reckless behavior such as street racing to preforming high injury stunts, drugs, drinking, spending too much money by gambling, and engaging in risky sexual behaviors. The adrenaline and pleasure helps the sufferer feel good and validated.
People with BPD are hyper aware of sudden changes in a person how they are contacted.
People with BPD can put people on a pedestal without even thinking about it as it comes automatically. They don't see people as multiple things. Example Jane my next door neighbor is nice to me. So I see her as nice only in my head. However if I see her bringing home a different guy every couple of months. My brain will automatically put her on a pedestal saying she is a wh*re. Looking right pass how nice she is. So I will distance myself as I feel unsafe around her. The sufferer places people on such pedestals to choose who they want to engage and feel safe with. This is called splitting. Fear of abandonment, or dysregulation comes with BPD. There for the feeling of untrustworthiness and intense emotional response might shut Jane out and distancing myself from her completely.
Idealizing and devaluing people comes with people with BPD. Seeing the person and perfect or worthless or harmful. There's no in between. This can create very rocky relationships. This alone makes it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with a BPD sufferer as they can shift so rapidly and intensely. At the same time BPD sufferers may feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells to avoid triggering that emotional flip that might lead to distancing.
This means that they wont say things about the imperfections of another person they're close to, and keep it all bottled up to avoid feeling abandoned. That is until they step on a eggshell and they blow up a very intense, out of proportion, or in dysregulation. They keep it all bottled in afraid of rocking the boat or be abandoned if they come out saying the flaw they don't like about a person. Overtime they will start to feel more resentful or mistrust for the partner or friend, but still do their best to ignore it. The feeling of coming out about the flaws and being abandoned eggs BPD suffers on: To keep quiet about it to preserve the connection.
This also could likely stem from difficulty expressing their emotions. Emotional regulation and expressing themselves.
How to try to be stable in a relationship with someone with BPD.
As frustrating as challenging it can be to be with someone with BPD, a stable relationship is very possible. People with BPD can feel overwhelmed by unpredictability, or changes in a relationship. Consistency in your behavior and communication helps build trust and creates a sense of good safety with the sufferer.
Be reliable in your actions, like showing up on time or following on promises.
Set boundaries, but be compassionate too. let them know what risky behaviors you aren't willing to put up with.
Validate their emotions. It don't mean you have to agree, but acknowledge it as the feelings are real and important. This greatly reduces the intensity of emotional reactions. "Saying things like "I can see you are upset and hurt right now and it makes sense why you feel that way." or "I understand you feel abandoned here, and I am here for you." while keeping calm and neutral. Help them feel safe.
Encourage them to engage in coping mechanisms. DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) which are specifically designed for people with BPD help manage their emotions, and ground them, and develop better coping strategies. For me it's to meditate and focus on my breathing. Other sufferers have their own way that works for them once they develop it.
But also protect yourself. Be clear and consistent what you are willing and unwilling to do. Ask for space when you feel overwhelmed. If they are feeling overwhelmed give the sufferer space.
Be open and honest with your emotions. Listen to each other and support one another. Show them they can trust you without fear of judgment.
Of course seek professional help/guidance. Therapy that teaches DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) helps greatly. CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) can also help while practicing DBT.
SSRIs (Anti-depression medication) can also help people with BPD for co-occurring conditions like depression anxiety and mood instability. It isn't the first line of treatment but it can help reduce the symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Above all else, people with BPD when they are angry and pushing people away, they can say things that hurts badly. The sufferer never really means it as later when things cool off, the sufferer will feel intense emotional guilt and regret. The sufferer is just pushing first so they don't feel the crushing pain of abandonment. Understand they don't mean it at all.
The pros about people with BPD.
People with BPD may seem difficult, but their emotions are authentic as gold.
They're one of the kindest people you'll ever meet. They are extremely good with kids and people as they are passionate sharing very positive connections to those around them.
People with BPD have a very strong desire for connection. As much as connection can manifest into feeling abandoned or emotional intensity: People with BPD are loyal, loving and committed to their relationships. Once they find a connection they trust and feel connected to, we will go above and beyond to support and care for the person. Acts of services or gift giving.
Example: I give art freely to people I formed strong bonds with I trust. I will spend days without complaining passionately drawing for the person for no pay. I will go out of my way to get gifts.
While emotions overwhelm us, people with BPD are genuine, loyal and committed to people they trust and will strive to maintain their interactions
People with BPD have intense loyalty and commitment. Their crave for connection and acceptance can make people with BPD the most loyal of partners allowing them to form powerful and strong bonds with friends, family or partners. Once someone earns the trust of someone with BPD, they can be and fiercely protective and supportive with little to no second thoughts. As their relationship and trust grows,
the connections can be positively transformative and powerful,
They value authenticity and truthfulness. People with BPD can be very honest and truthful, especially about their emotions, dreams, vulnerabilities and struggles. Same time they fear lying to others, as they know that it can sever relationships.
Because people with BPD often experience emotions to an extreme level. We can form deep empathy and have empathetic intuition. Being hyper sensitive, we can tell when someone is down very easily. Even the slightest change of mood, a person with BPD will pick that up and is drawn to provide support even without being told to directly.
Also they have a very strong creative streak. People with BPD when they do art, be poetry, music or art, it's very authentic. Seeing or hearing their art, and you can pick up how they are feeling truly in their soul.
People with BPD can be incredibly motivated to improve themselves and their circumstances. Their experience in intense emotional turmoil makes them seek ways to improve their mental health.
I hope this was informative in understanding this spectrum of personality disorder.
I want to start by saying, I have been studying myself the past few years. It is hard to wrap my head around it, but I think I am finally getting it and getting better too.
I want to talk about a disease
I honestly wish that there was more awareness for this mental disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD.) A disease that has some theories in the 1940s, and in the 1980s picked up steam and is now in the DSM-III. I have it myself and it's a personality disorder.
It shares very similar symptoms to bipolar, but with varied differences and can be sort of treated with SSRIs but not fully like how there are medications to target bipolar specifically. I have been studying more and more, and trying to better myself. Find the triggers before the manifest into unreasonable anger.
The more I learn about it, the more I learn about myself. People with BPD do not know who they really are and their identity can shit from one moment to the next. They feel they're constantly changing depending the people they are with or the situation. But, have so solid sense of core identity. Sometimes I do feel like I am playing a role rather than be myself around certain people.
This can also mean self image and decisions about personal direction, long term goals. which are a challenge for people with BPD. Struggling with career choices and relationships and hobbies based on how we feel in the moment. One moment I feel like being a mechanic this week and the next week I feel like I should work in IT.
This is because of key aspect of feeling emptiness or being unfulfilled. People with BPD feel like they are always trying to fill void, but aren't sure what they are searching for: Be connection, purpose or identity.
Then there's the intense fear of abandonment. Easily triggered by a sense of withdrawal or rejection by others. Even small changes in behavior or communication can make a person with BPD feel like they are being abandoned. Such as a text message or phone call taking a few hours from people they are close with.
-Another example, when your friend lives with you as roommates and they have a boyfriend or girlfriend they want to move in with. Normal people will congratulate. People with BPD will likely feel rejected or abandoned: And this can create a strong surge of angry emotions. It feels like the roommate or friend is choosing someone else over the bond they share. The anger comes from a mix feelings of fear, hurt, and betrayal and feeling abandoned.
-Another example is when a place like a furry con. Your friends keep leaving you to wander off when such a place is meant to bring people together. It can feel we are left out in the cold. Especially feeling isolated or ignored in a place surrounded by crowds of people we do not know. This creates anger by the abandonment we feel and it can be amplified by flight or fight response being in such a overwhelming place.
The it all touches the deep feeling rejection, and people leaving people with BPD behind can feel devastating to the sufferer. Feeling unwanted or unimportant, which will trigger extreme emotions of anger. It can be a painful and paralyzing experience which I myself experience many-a-times to keep count.
At the same time the feeling off abandonment can create a push and pull effect where the sufferer will do things that will push people away before the person has a chance to leave. Or test the realtionship, or act in a way for the other person to get frustrated. This is a defensive mechanism of people with BPD to avoid feeling abandoned first. This can also what is called splitting. where the sufferer sees the person all good or all bad depending on the sufferer's emotional state.
This can make relationships with a person with BPD very rocky and unstable as one day they feel they are loved and the next day they feel alone, lost and unwanted and they test you or do things to frustrate you. The feeling if rejection is absolutely painful, so all this testing and doing things to make a relationship tense is a defensive mechanism than a offensive. it is all to avoid the pain of abandonment first. The feeling of abandonment or rejection is extremely painful to the sufferer.
People with BPD are prone to risky behaviors. Reckless behavior such as street racing to preforming high injury stunts, drugs, drinking, spending too much money by gambling, and engaging in risky sexual behaviors. The adrenaline and pleasure helps the sufferer feel good and validated.
People with BPD are hyper aware of sudden changes in a person how they are contacted.
People with BPD can put people on a pedestal without even thinking about it as it comes automatically. They don't see people as multiple things. Example Jane my next door neighbor is nice to me. So I see her as nice only in my head. However if I see her bringing home a different guy every couple of months. My brain will automatically put her on a pedestal saying she is a wh*re. Looking right pass how nice she is. So I will distance myself as I feel unsafe around her. The sufferer places people on such pedestals to choose who they want to engage and feel safe with. This is called splitting. Fear of abandonment, or dysregulation comes with BPD. There for the feeling of untrustworthiness and intense emotional response might shut Jane out and distancing myself from her completely.
Idealizing and devaluing people comes with people with BPD. Seeing the person and perfect or worthless or harmful. There's no in between. This can create very rocky relationships. This alone makes it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with a BPD sufferer as they can shift so rapidly and intensely. At the same time BPD sufferers may feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells to avoid triggering that emotional flip that might lead to distancing.
This means that they wont say things about the imperfections of another person they're close to, and keep it all bottled up to avoid feeling abandoned. That is until they step on a eggshell and they blow up a very intense, out of proportion, or in dysregulation. They keep it all bottled in afraid of rocking the boat or be abandoned if they come out saying the flaw they don't like about a person. Overtime they will start to feel more resentful or mistrust for the partner or friend, but still do their best to ignore it. The feeling of coming out about the flaws and being abandoned eggs BPD suffers on: To keep quiet about it to preserve the connection.
This also could likely stem from difficulty expressing their emotions. Emotional regulation and expressing themselves.
How to try to be stable in a relationship with someone with BPD.
As frustrating as challenging it can be to be with someone with BPD, a stable relationship is very possible. People with BPD can feel overwhelmed by unpredictability, or changes in a relationship. Consistency in your behavior and communication helps build trust and creates a sense of good safety with the sufferer.
Be reliable in your actions, like showing up on time or following on promises.
Set boundaries, but be compassionate too. let them know what risky behaviors you aren't willing to put up with.
Validate their emotions. It don't mean you have to agree, but acknowledge it as the feelings are real and important. This greatly reduces the intensity of emotional reactions. "Saying things like "I can see you are upset and hurt right now and it makes sense why you feel that way." or "I understand you feel abandoned here, and I am here for you." while keeping calm and neutral. Help them feel safe.
Encourage them to engage in coping mechanisms. DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) which are specifically designed for people with BPD help manage their emotions, and ground them, and develop better coping strategies. For me it's to meditate and focus on my breathing. Other sufferers have their own way that works for them once they develop it.
But also protect yourself. Be clear and consistent what you are willing and unwilling to do. Ask for space when you feel overwhelmed. If they are feeling overwhelmed give the sufferer space.
Be open and honest with your emotions. Listen to each other and support one another. Show them they can trust you without fear of judgment.
Of course seek professional help/guidance. Therapy that teaches DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) helps greatly. CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) can also help while practicing DBT.
SSRIs (Anti-depression medication) can also help people with BPD for co-occurring conditions like depression anxiety and mood instability. It isn't the first line of treatment but it can help reduce the symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Above all else, people with BPD when they are angry and pushing people away, they can say things that hurts badly. The sufferer never really means it as later when things cool off, the sufferer will feel intense emotional guilt and regret. The sufferer is just pushing first so they don't feel the crushing pain of abandonment. Understand they don't mean it at all.
The pros about people with BPD.
People with BPD may seem difficult, but their emotions are authentic as gold.
They're one of the kindest people you'll ever meet. They are extremely good with kids and people as they are passionate sharing very positive connections to those around them.
People with BPD have a very strong desire for connection. As much as connection can manifest into feeling abandoned or emotional intensity: People with BPD are loyal, loving and committed to their relationships. Once they find a connection they trust and feel connected to, we will go above and beyond to support and care for the person. Acts of services or gift giving.
Example: I give art freely to people I formed strong bonds with I trust. I will spend days without complaining passionately drawing for the person for no pay. I will go out of my way to get gifts.
While emotions overwhelm us, people with BPD are genuine, loyal and committed to people they trust and will strive to maintain their interactions
People with BPD have intense loyalty and commitment. Their crave for connection and acceptance can make people with BPD the most loyal of partners allowing them to form powerful and strong bonds with friends, family or partners. Once someone earns the trust of someone with BPD, they can be and fiercely protective and supportive with little to no second thoughts. As their relationship and trust grows,
the connections can be positively transformative and powerful,
They value authenticity and truthfulness. People with BPD can be very honest and truthful, especially about their emotions, dreams, vulnerabilities and struggles. Same time they fear lying to others, as they know that it can sever relationships.
Because people with BPD often experience emotions to an extreme level. We can form deep empathy and have empathetic intuition. Being hyper sensitive, we can tell when someone is down very easily. Even the slightest change of mood, a person with BPD will pick that up and is drawn to provide support even without being told to directly.
Also they have a very strong creative streak. People with BPD when they do art, be poetry, music or art, it's very authentic. Seeing or hearing their art, and you can pick up how they are feeling truly in their soul.
People with BPD can be incredibly motivated to improve themselves and their circumstances. Their experience in intense emotional turmoil makes them seek ways to improve their mental health.
I hope this was informative in understanding this spectrum of personality disorder.
You’re giving him the foundation to work through his challenges, and that means a lot. It’s clear you care deeply, and that makes a world of difference for him
Trust me... we both pushed each other to want tonchange and grow for the better. I'm happy to he married to him despite everything.
The only way to be certain is to consult with your doctor and consider undergoing psychiatric evaluations, which may be necessary once or twice a week.
I apologize if this answer comes across as neutral or dismissive. That’s not my intention. I simply want to avoid giving you a false sense of direction by providing a yes or no answer. It's always best to seek direct medical advice from professionals rather than relying on information found online.
If you have any other questions, I can do my best to answer them.