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rant
7 months ago
idk how to feel about me wanting to wear a skirt
for context, everytime I check out at an online OC creator (like picrew) and try to make myself, but then accidentally put a skirt on, I honestly really really wonder how it’s like to wear a skirt in normal life
like fyi, I’m not talking about those dainty mini-skirts,
I’m talking about those a full gown type of skirts, down past my ankles type of skirts, kicking it up with my shoes when I walk type of skirt. I dunno I think they can be super awesome and stylish if you decorate them and could super mobile if you have a good tailored one.
I’m not tryna insinuate anything here. I always have and felt like a cis guy myself, I’ve had no feelings of wanting to be any other gender. Again I’m not trying to insinuate anything, but this desire to, as society has put it, “crossdress”, makes me have a feeling I don’t understand
for one part, I am fully clear and aware of the concept of “gender” and how ambiguous you want it -or not to want it to be. I mean we’re here in this furry fandom site, It’s pretty definite that I am myself a supporter of the people in this ‘societally adverse’ view.
yet I am also aware of the claim/belief people make…, “Clothes don’t actually have a gender to them! They don't really mean anything!”
No, you don’t actually believe that. The mass majority of people on earth don’t.
If you truly believe that, why do you dress people in lingerie and associate that with feminine stature, and dress people in boxers for masculine.
If you truly believe that, why do you make silly tiktoks or reels about wearing big t-shirts & grey sweatpants as a girl to look like a rubbished dude.
AND if you truly believe that, why do you put your two “ambiguous/fluid” gendered OCs in a cloth swap video, -and then how is it possible for everybody to see that the one in the skirt is the pinkie-pied, cutesy fem
No, you and basically everybody sees clothes as a step to those cohorts.
(also, don’t even BEGIN to say that “ah well, they’re just silly videos/drawings, they don’t represent themselves!”. Ah well, why do you suppose people consume and create such drawings, animations, and sernarios in the first place?
hmmm, possibly because of societal views for the past 200 years now?
hmmm, maybe now its inherent, ignited, in-landed in your brain’s thought process to see this severance?
now you start to break this view down from this surge of gender evolution?
not possible, it’s not, it’s ingrained now)
so once I thought about all of this, I realized, huh, , everybody around me, my friends, family, aquantences, people waiting in line at the cafe, my job interviewer,
there would always full sight blinker on me, as person ‘not so much as a guy’. Just for wearing a skirt.
and I see too, why is this such a huge deal to me? I KNOW that people should dress how they make them happy.
but why is this hard for me?
It’s cause I have and feel like a guy my whole life and now. But with that there is this obstacle of,
“hey man, I respect everybody for why they are, but I also respect myself for what I am, a dude, a he/him.
but if I do this one thing (wear a skirt), that would inherently dismiss my identity (a dude).”
For me to wear a skirt, there is not really anything stopping the fact that it would strip a part of me away. I am not saying that being feminine is bad, but that’s not what I wish to be. That is not me.
And why would it strip a part of me? Because this globe sees gender norms, and I hate to say it, but a chunk of the lgbtq community does too. They deny it, but they continue to consume it.
I love y’all queers but it sometimes irks me to see many of y’all give empty advise.
for context, everytime I check out at an online OC creator (like picrew) and try to make myself, but then accidentally put a skirt on, I honestly really really wonder how it’s like to wear a skirt in normal life
like fyi, I’m not talking about those dainty mini-skirts,
I’m talking about those a full gown type of skirts, down past my ankles type of skirts, kicking it up with my shoes when I walk type of skirt. I dunno I think they can be super awesome and stylish if you decorate them and could super mobile if you have a good tailored one.
I’m not tryna insinuate anything here. I always have and felt like a cis guy myself, I’ve had no feelings of wanting to be any other gender. Again I’m not trying to insinuate anything, but this desire to, as society has put it, “crossdress”, makes me have a feeling I don’t understand
for one part, I am fully clear and aware of the concept of “gender” and how ambiguous you want it -or not to want it to be. I mean we’re here in this furry fandom site, It’s pretty definite that I am myself a supporter of the people in this ‘societally adverse’ view.
yet I am also aware of the claim/belief people make…, “Clothes don’t actually have a gender to them! They don't really mean anything!”
No, you don’t actually believe that. The mass majority of people on earth don’t.
If you truly believe that, why do you dress people in lingerie and associate that with feminine stature, and dress people in boxers for masculine.
If you truly believe that, why do you make silly tiktoks or reels about wearing big t-shirts & grey sweatpants as a girl to look like a rubbished dude.
AND if you truly believe that, why do you put your two “ambiguous/fluid” gendered OCs in a cloth swap video, -and then how is it possible for everybody to see that the one in the skirt is the pinkie-pied, cutesy fem
No, you and basically everybody sees clothes as a step to those cohorts.
(also, don’t even BEGIN to say that “ah well, they’re just silly videos/drawings, they don’t represent themselves!”. Ah well, why do you suppose people consume and create such drawings, animations, and sernarios in the first place?
hmmm, possibly because of societal views for the past 200 years now?
hmmm, maybe now its inherent, ignited, in-landed in your brain’s thought process to see this severance?
now you start to break this view down from this surge of gender evolution?
not possible, it’s not, it’s ingrained now)
so once I thought about all of this, I realized, huh, , everybody around me, my friends, family, aquantences, people waiting in line at the cafe, my job interviewer,
there would always full sight blinker on me, as person ‘not so much as a guy’. Just for wearing a skirt.
and I see too, why is this such a huge deal to me? I KNOW that people should dress how they make them happy.
but why is this hard for me?
It’s cause I have and feel like a guy my whole life and now. But with that there is this obstacle of,
“hey man, I respect everybody for why they are, but I also respect myself for what I am, a dude, a he/him.
but if I do this one thing (wear a skirt), that would inherently dismiss my identity (a dude).”
For me to wear a skirt, there is not really anything stopping the fact that it would strip a part of me away. I am not saying that being feminine is bad, but that’s not what I wish to be. That is not me.
And why would it strip a part of me? Because this globe sees gender norms, and I hate to say it, but a chunk of the lgbtq community does too. They deny it, but they continue to consume it.
I love y’all queers but it sometimes irks me to see many of y’all give empty advise.
All I wanted to say was that I feel conflicted on if I should try wearing a skirt in my daily life because:
1. I think think they are so freaking cool (awesome flair), but
2. I’m not sure how I would personally take people’s reaction to me wearing something they’d consider as crossdressing.
(and this is a nagging problem to me because It’d be hard to explain since im not a person who does that stuff)
Does it diminish your enjoyment of wearing a skirt if/that it is? Would you feel less good? Like does whether or not Societally things have certain associations determine whether or not you do or enjoy it? Break the mold and be the change you want to see, wear the skirt you want to wear. You can do whatever you want, forever, who gives a fuck.
My greatest concern would just be like.. personal safety which highly depends on where you live.
I understand your point as "who gives a fuck?". Here's the thing, I give a fuck. I give a fuck because that's what makes me human. If I were to not give a fuck, I'd end up a a lump of sack who'd not care for cues of other people. -And for matter of fact, everybody on the globe cares for cues of other people, that's what makes us human. We all give a fuck deep down, but I, I give more fucks.
This isn't totally about needing validation or obtaining my personal enjoyment , -it’s about not wanting to be immediately misunderstood. I understand that the people who push these social 'boundaries' are such awesome and great people, but it's unfair to tell people to 'just do it' while dismissing the weight that comes with it. I know who I am, yet the second I step outside the "norm", that gets questioned, and that's a cue is it not?
I give a fuck about this, because pretending I don’t won’t make it any less frustrating.
I've seen it with my own two eyes.
Not to not care about any of it, but what and how much you care about aspects of it. Maybe I'm just struggling to fully relate to the conflict, here. I'm sorry.
Other’s would take your advice much easier/better than I did, but this is something I still needa think through with time and self-improvement.
thank you alot for sharing your perspective :)
a good amount of queer people insist on pretending that a norm doesn't exist or that it was destroyed, but i believe this is some form of escapism (or in other words, cope) that they mistakenly push onto others as encouragement. "do whatever you want" is a good sentiment, but "do whatever you want, the world doesn't give a shit" is just lying. the world gives so much of a shit all of the time. you can do whatever you want but there will be unwanted consequences, and it is fine and normal to be frustrated about such.
"how you dress plays no part in your actual gender identity" – the way you dress is a core fundamental of gender. it's like, almost the whole thing about it.
"gender is a performance, so perform for yourself" – if it is a performance, it is for an audience. that is one of the other main things about it.
"nobody except for yourself can determine how much of a man you are" – sure, but human people are not fucking psychic. they can't look into my mind. they depend on assumptions. and they will assume me less of a man if they as much as see me dressed in bottoms that aren't shorts or pants. nobody is free from this; it is ingrained, as has been said.
people like to believe and act like these norms don't exist anymore, but they do, they really do. -And yeah as you say, It's just so frustrating to me because ignoring it doesn't make it go away.
we should, and also encourage being able to to wear whatever you wanna wear without other people caring, but let's be real for a second, that's just not how the world works. The moment you do something different, step outside the "norm", you become a statement, either willingly or not. Then yeah, 100%, they create assumptions, they instinctively creative a view based on their perception of you.
and that's just so...thwarting to me. I don't want to be this "statement". -Yet at the same time, I understand why these "statements" are here in the first place.
I know a skirt wouldn’t change who I am, but to others, it would.
-And is it not a normal reaction for me -or for any human on earth for that matter- to be concerned or at least frustrated with that?
To me, this isn't about not wanting to express myself, it's about not wanting people to have a misjudged, altered view of my identity.
i remember a similar emotion from when i was in highschool, terribly dysphoric, and suddenly everyone had sooo much to say about "unique self-expression" - but only in ways that gently steered me away from being transgender/them having to acknowledge that. kind of a reversal of your situation, i guess... but fundamentally, man, people always wanna fucking control how you see yourself huh! like dude if i wanted to do it your way it'd be called "someone-else-expression" lol
i'll admit reading "y'all queers" was a bit of a shock, but i think you're right in your observation that people are often quite idealistic about this sort of thing, and it can come across as quite dismissive of other peoples' lived experience. ultimately we're all on our own journeys, so one person's life-changing advice can often fall completely flat for someone in a different situation.
all that being said... skirts ARE really fun to wear! especially the long ones you're talking about. i have one that i stole from my mum - black, ankle-length, made from a slippery heavy fabric. i drew it here - it's very good to move in. i like picking it up between my fingers and dropping it with a 'fwump'. and we can't even talk about the spinning.
thrift stores are good if you've got one nearby. i do hope you get to partake in this experience sometime!
but mhm I just feel like alot of advice people give is kinda idealistic and catered to their own wish-full fulfillment; and I just wish wish wish that people could just understand that sometimes….that its not 1:1
I guess that’s an idealistic mindset too though… but who doesn’t have those wishes? We wish for world peace, the cure to cancer, and the fix for global warming. We idealize and hope for something not in our grasp, but it gets really tough when it’s brought to a personal level that can be visualized. It’s really tough.
Anyways, sorry for that little tangent.
I absolutely love love the drawing, like always your art style is so so awesome with pencils eeeeeeeeeeeee It kinda makes me wanna draw myself in a skirt noww :P
I’m actually thinking about going to the thrift store this weekend, I’ll see if I can find anything!
But we should care about other's opinions... we don't live alone in society, it's a massive group effort. The people out there? They bake your bread, they clean your streets, police your cities, are your caretakers, teachers and roadworkers...
We all know and understand that people treat you differently based just on the way you look... even though they shouldn't; they just do. We all do. We all know that gender identity and the clothes you wear shouldn't be linked... like Scottish men wearing kilts that are elaborate skirts; but this just isn't true in the current human zeitgeist. Looking different gets you treated differently. And it's perfectly fair to not want to be subjected to that.
But if you're worried about how others might judge you based on your curiosity over wearing something different... how about testing it out while you're home alone? Or in private?
Perhaps if you have an IRL friend who you're close enough with, open up to them about this, and check with them if you could visit them, and then wear it while you're there? Eventually you could find a limited space where you could express this part of you, away from the judgement of society.
I wish you luck!
I have thought about trying it in private, but having a close friend to open up about this is a great idea. I’ll put some thought into it 💭